back to article We live so fast I can't even finish this sent...

Call me an idiot* but I have no idea what you are talking about, why you're saying it or indeed what's going on any more. Oh, and welcome to the Year 51-85-139. Do you know what I'm talking about? No? Then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Worried that my weekly outbursts of cynicism here might simply betray a …

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    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Bonzo

      His own home was a boat in the harbour in Bristol, which is now (and has been for over two decades) a nightclub / gig venue, and is known as The Thekla.

    2. OzBob

      Re: Bonzo

      "obviously some time before he killed himself"

      So, for a second there I though you were dis-interring celebrities and inviting them around for dinner? Perhaps your father owns a back-hoe company, and your mothers maiden name is Gein?

      1. ZillaOfManilla

        Re: Bonzo

        https://www.google.com/amp/s/inews.co.uk/news/real-life/60s-group-bonzo-dog-doo-dah-band-in-legal-fight-over-band-name-499303%3famp

        Copyright holding bastards. Our local coffee shop/bar is named in there honour.

  1. lglethal Silver badge
    WTF?

    OK I've looked and looked...

    ... but I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say. "This hill can give you a headache"? "Thinking about climbing this hill can make you sweaty"? "Our gardeners are really crap and havent gotten around to making the hill smooth yet"?

    Come on someone help me out here!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      "Caution: MIdges"

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        Clearly Scottish:)

      2. J. Cook Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        ... I wacky-parsed that as "Caution: Midgets".

        OW! I'm going, quit poking me with that stick!

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: OK I've looked and looked...

          What's the point of cautioning midgets? You won't get to see them in the dock.

          Oh! Again?

      3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        This means nothing to me?

        Icon - Mr Ures coat from the Vienna video.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      "Beware of angry saints"

    3. ThatOne Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      > I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say

      Obviously it's a person angry to have been hit by a falling wheelchair person. You'd notice the ground line is the same as for the wheelchair picture. He's clearly at the bottom, insulting the people pushing wheelchairs over the cliff.

      As for the middle one, it apparently says it's up to elderly couples to define the slope. Why else would the sign makers put the "x%" on the picture if not to signify that the slope is a variable?

      1. herman Silver badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        Only elderly people are experienced enough to pick a safe incline?

        1. the Jim bloke Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: OK I've looked and looked...

          The elderly are experiencing a decline?

    4. Phil Endecott

      Re: OK I've looked and looked...

      > I'm buggered if I can work out what the last infographic is trying to say

      I think the victim has just been impaled in the head by a falling piece of broken glass, which they are now trying to pull out with their hand.

      1. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

        Re: OK I've looked and looked...

        I thought it was a cellphone giving brain cancer to the user?

  2. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Strange combination warning sign

    Strange combination warning sign:

    Top section: Wheelchair users careering down the hill should look out for sweaty men coming up.

    Bottom section: Wipe the sweat out of your eyes and keep a look out for wheelchair users careering down.

    Middle section: Old people are required to take a trigonometry test.

    [Icon: Because X% might just be the Paris Hilton angle]

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Strange combination warning sign

      Well, that's an understandable interpretation if you read every sign as an Imperative.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Strange combination warning sign

      "[Icon: Because X% might just be the Paris Hilton angle]"

      Is that the same as the CH4 criterion of the "Isle of Mull" angle of dangle?

    3. sbt Silver badge
      Joke

      And did those feet in ancient times, Or, Romani ite domum

      I 'figured' the X was a Roman numeral and it was a subtle dig at just how old some people are, and 10 degree slopes would be too much for them.

  3. swm Silver badge

    I hate iconese

    It used to be that signs, instructions etc. could be read but now there is a series of meaningless icons with who-knows-what meanings. Now everything is labelled with hard to decipher icons. Even the same concept is generally rendered with different icons.

    1. Stork Silver badge

      Re: I hate iconese

      On a somewhat related note: here in Portugal there often is a profusion of road signs in urban areas, showing the direction to schools, social security centres and supermarkets. Part of this is due to the municipality receiving money from companies planting their sign, but the effect is that it is impossible to spot the sign you look for...

    2. Olivier2553 Silver badge

      Re: I hate iconese

      Here, in Thailand, many road signs are written ones, even when the commonly recognized icon equivalent exists. It makes driving very difficult until you learn some reading.

      Icons are good as long as they are clearly readable.

  4. Blackjack Silver badge

    The first one looks like a...

    "If you want to do down the hill using a wheelchair do it here." sign to me.

  5. cklammer

    Dabbsy in a local park on New Year's Day!

    Hold on: Dabbsy was in a local public park on New Year's Day!

    Is it because:

    - he did not party on New Year's Eve?

    - he did party too hard on New Year's Eve?

    - he celebrated the New Year there?

    - he slept there? Did Mrs. Dabbs turf him out of the house?

  6. Scotthva5

    If Agnes Nutter was involved...

    ...there would be explosives and a 50 Kg barrel of nails somewhere in the vicinity.

  7. LeahroyNake Silver badge

    Pretty?

    "there's no point worrying my idiotic but pretty little head about questions such as "why?"

    Why you would use pretty to describe your dashing good looks when you would obviously be better described as the next Bond, James Bond?

    Don't suppose you drink martini and like a bit of parkour?

    It's not the why you should be asking but who? Who needs Daniel Craig. If Idris Elba doesn't want the job I propose our very own Dabbs, Alistair Dabs.

  8. IceC0ld Silver badge

    did you guess what the aforementioned "Year 51-85-139" was ?

    of course I did, I seen EVERY episode of Star Trek me :o)

    it's a star date obs :oP

  9. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

    Or is it a plot by rogue freemasons to design a coat of arms replete with colour symbolism to revive the Knights Templar with the support of Vatican 2 agents, Agnes Nutter and Bigfoot? Are we being led annually towards an ultimate Pantone reference that lies beyond the spectrum of human visibility and whose first implementation in a CSS tag will trigger the awakening of the Old Ones?

    Do you want to bet it is definitely not such an improbable plot? :-) That would energise an opposing competing interest for the generation and direction of capital flow and fiat churn to prime agents ..... which you might like to think be at least two Rare Raw Core Source Drivers Hosting and Toasting Success ..... with Future AIMissions Accomplished Excessively Financed ..... Overly Super Seeded.

    The inexhaustible supply of cheap fiat money easily proves answers to where a great may faults reside ....... and if you aint spending it whenever you have more than anyone would ever need, are you to be considered something of a disgrace ....... as Andrew Carnegie was minded to pass fair comment on practically ages ago.

    Put in very simple terms, which nearly anyone can understand although demonstrably not yet necessarily believe, ... the sort of system you are in, is paying the wrong type of people to spend Earth's treasure trove. ....... for there is more than Just Enough Flash Fast Cash to Crash and Burn and Rebuild Any Chosen Market/Public Utility/Private Facility/Parallel Pirate Operation always freely available for both Global and Universal Experimentation in the Nature of Existence with Command and Control in Sublime InterNetworking Streams with Ports of Call Everywhere just as easily placed elsewhere in spaces just like these here on El Reg.

    That's AIPathFinder Work Hosting, El Reg. Bravo! To the Valiant Victor Deserved Vulcan Spoils :-)

    And please, let's not be having any of those wildly speculative and assumptive presumptive "Are those meds not working" quips .... for they would be certainly misleading and ....according to Sister Agatha van Helsing, a very English trait/fault/root to boot ..........

    Of course not. You are an English man. A combination of presumptions beyond compare

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

      "Do you want to bet it is definitely not such an improbable plot?"

      Yes. I am willing to bet the farm that is it not such an improbable plot. In fact, I am so absolutely certain, that I have done that very thing ... The alternative, assuming your scenario is anything close to reality, is to curl up and quit living due to the futility of it all. I'm not a quitter. Are you?

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Knights Templar Live in Practically Revolutionary Phorms Too

        That's an interestingly engaging reply, jake, which has other alternatives for such a scenario in reality, ...... one where one simply belts up, as in safely secures oneself for flights of fancy in a living that makes maximum use of the utility .......... a Revolutionary Renegade Rogue Program and/or Almighty Pogrom ...... Grand Inquisition.

        After all, it is not as if IT is not readily available virtually for free, practically anywhere for everyone to try and master.

        Who Dares Win Wins .... and all that jazz, and such living is not for quitters and therefore quite possibly very probably right up your street too for self-actualisation and virtual realisation with, Novel Noble Explosive Force Source Partners, for it is universally accepted one cannot do such as miracles alone and unaided. That is why Heavenly Help is made Universally Available ... to prove to oneself one is not ever left alone in command and control following leads. I Kid U Not.

  10. Tail Up
    Holmes

    Great Dabbing, Worth Repeating (-:

    Dammit, Alistair...

    Anyone to develop a CMYK monitor? Drop a PM please*

    PM - a personal message. Not a Prime Minister.

    Holmes by Vasily Livanov here. With at least one of ElReggers qualified to write a humble screenplay to blow some Thomases' minds away totally.

  11. Milton

    Obvious, innit?

    A secret sigil, displayed on your mobile device using the specified Pantone colour, opens the wormhole which connects the toilet you're in with its far-flung global twin. Really, why else and in what other circumstances could you plausibly display the latitude and longitude of a destination portal—to which you can travel in privacy, unseen?

    Next time someone tells you they're going to the loo, you'll know why you didn't see them again for a week, when they turned up filthy, covered in leeches and suffering from malaria.

    Of course, before taking a dump while reading this article on your phone, you may want to check the twinning status of your cubicle ....

    1. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: Obvious, innit?

      You are describing the Portal-Loo. I wonder if there is a urinal cake there too?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Obvious, innit?

        And - don't eat the yellow snow, if fussed up the coordinates...

    2. the Jim bloke Silver badge

      Re: Obvious, innit?

      didn't see them again for a week, when they turned up filthy, covered in leeches and suffering from malaria.

      Doesnt need to be a twinned toilet for that to happen around here...

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