Attire?
Will El Reg be validating parking? If not, are stables available nearby? Where's the nearest place to tether my airship? Everybody in London gets all weak kneed and wet in the pants every time I get even close to the city with my airship. Screaming about blackouts and rations. If blackouts are that common there I suggest you drink less. Putin has done wonders in cutting down alcohol abuse in Russia. Maybe you could invite him over for a few generations. He seems to enjoy getting out.
Also, will you be running dozens of patio heaters inside and regulating the temperature with air conditioning? What types of fissile materials should we bring? If everybody brings enough there won't be any need to concern ourselves with the heating and A/C bills.
Hey! You know what? If they've one of those really big copper vats for beer brewing we could huck some radioactive material in there and drink it like the Japanese do (that's why they're so clever you see). We could get someone monstrous blocks of ice and melt them with the indoor patio heaters and have a barroom engineering contest to see who can design the best boat using only materials found in the bar (any bottles or vessels must be emptied, by drinking, before use in a boat).
Holy shit! We could put up some windmills and make them go with up-drafts from the patio heaters that are keeping the A/C from being too cold and melting the ice blocks. We've got these huge truck mounted lights here (we use them to light up pit mines at night to get broken heavy equipment out). I'm sure we could dismount them from the trucks though.
We put the lights inside the bar, along the biggest PV array we can get through the door. We'll use electricity from the windmills to run the lights and stimulate the PV array. We'll use PV electricity to run the brew fires and to dispense justice. It's a full circle of life!
Obviously we would need some things from 'the outside' raw materials for booze making, food (I vote for Giant Panda and Emperor Penguin), women. Water would come from the condensation of the A/C units so we're set there. Probably some sort of weaponry to maintain societal balance, but that should be all we need.
We will have created a near perfect, almost closed system and we will pay for it with 'sustainable infrastructure' subsidies, utility company buy backs, and research grants. Lots of grants for climate change, climate change management (that's why we need all the green power stuff, to demonstrate we give zero fucks about what climate throws at us, our tech beats your hippy Earth goddess), behavioral science research, alternative economy research, group management research, isolated governance methods research (we'll have to kill a lot of outsiders when they discover our Utopia), just so many options. I'm sure there will be some artsy types there too, so we could probably get some grants for art. We'd have to move on that quick though. The artsy types will almost certainly be used up immediately as soon as the ice cube melt gets much above the ankles (their rubbery hides will become our boots - maybe since that's a First Nation invention we can get some money from the not French Canadians. That's part of the UK right?). You can only justify a small number of tambourine girls in any balanced society and those will be divided along traditional martial lines, King Badass gets (x) tambourine girls, and each weaker person gets a smaller number.
Now that I've thought it through, the artsy types will not only make good boots, we can craft their bones into wind-chimes and scrimshaw (another grant opportunity!). It is crucial to note, the only way to leave is as artwork. If you have the slightest doubts about living inside a sustainable climate change management and communal art environment or get squeamish about eating Pandas just don't come. Hope to see you all there!
Biting the hand that feeds IT
