BOFH and the case of the disappearing teaspoons

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns There's nothing I like more than a chat with an expert. So many people have vague and uninformed opinions about things, it's good to talk to someone with experience who knows what they're talking about. I can hardly wait. "And so, when it detects movement, it sends you a text message …

[cyberdemon]

The first thing I noticed was the "Sir" on the end of SFTW disappeared. I thought OK fine maybe the woke brigade might take exception and say that wasn't inclusive (but dropping the 'sir' lost some of the character and implied humour I think)

But now they have axed the whole column, with no consultation? Why?

Are there new bosses at El Reg?

[Doctor Syntax]

A comment above suggests just that. At this point any self-respecting FOSS project would be forked.

[MrReynolds2U]

It's still in the footer... probably because corporate types are only bothered with above-the-fold content.

[Azamino]

Bloody hell!

I noticed the absence of SFTW but not the missing banner (I’m not counting anything that requires scrolling to the very bottom of the page) and the Paris icon clearly shows that time’s arrow is telling me it’s time to knock work on the head. I mean, if I’m missing stuff I’m interested in what has happened to my paid work!!

[John 104]

Considering the appeal of SFTW and the history and enthusiastic fanbase for BOFH, and the fact that members read both columns, one has to wonder if this was thought fully through. I mean, workplace accidents and all....

[IanTP]

Kudos for the link

I have my Dabbsy back

Have one or two of these on me --->

[Justin Case]

Really? I've been a somewhat regular visitor for more years than I care to remember. It's always been the irreverent nature of the content that keeps me coming back. Dabbsy and BOFH provide the anchor which draws me in every Friday. And when I'm here I will often read a few more articles. The Register, sans Dabbs or someone similar? Probably just Yet Another Tech News Site.

Hums: Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bdMSCdw20

[Potemkine!]

As a request, I'll add this in all my posts:

== Bring us Dabbsy back! ==

[Anonymous Coward]

Very disturbing news

I really hope this isn't the beginning of the end for El Reg.

I had already noticed the distinct lowering of headline and subheadline quality in terms of the lack of dodgy puns, veiled insults, irreverence and humour. If this place gets woke-ified and made as bland and sterile as most IT news sites, the Internet will have lost one of its few enduring quality sites. Somewhere I come to not only catch up on IT news but to have a laugh and enjoy reading a distinctly UK flavoured comments section.

I saw the recent "What do you want from The Register" questions but couldn't answer many of them because the choices seemed to insist that I agreed with statements which were chosen to push things in the direction desired by the person asking the questions. An ominous portent of things to come, I fear.

Thanks for posting the link to Dabbsy's substack. Subscribed!

[BebopWeBop]

Better if a random Tesla had been given the PHB's phone coordinates.

[Persona]

And for once it's undisputedly an "accident".

[twellys]

Classic!

[Anonymous Coward]

Missed a trick there.

Should have gone for the upmarket Apple iSpoons and leveraged the Amazon surveillance system by mounting Ring pieces all over the office.

[UCAP]

Re: Missed a trick there.

Using Ring devices all over the place? Now that would be nasty, even by the BOFH's very high standards.

[Trubbs]

Re: Missed a trick there.

Most establishments I visit are already well populated with ring pieces

[Korev]

Re: Missed a trick there.

That's what I'm going to call Ring doorbells from now on

[Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?]

Re: Missed a trick there.

Agreed, another upvote for "Ring pieces", I shall be using this in future discourse

[Charlie Clark]

Re: Missed a trick there.

Remember the note about avoiding the paper trail?

[RyokuMas]

Clockwork BOFH...

"There's been a terrible accident"...

My boss is lying in the middle of the road, bleeding to death!

...

...

...

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought this.

[MGJ]

Re: Clockwork BOFH...

What would be so terrible about that?

[Swarthy]

Re: Clockwork BOFH...

If the ambulance got there in time.

[Martin-73]

Re: Clockwork BOFH...

the damage to the vehicle!!! you monster

[steelpillow]

Re: Clockwork BOFH...

I will now have Walter (now Wendy) Carlos' Moog rendition of Beethoven's Ninth ringing in my ears every time I read the BOFH. No bad thing, really.

Time to peet my bedtime moloko, but where will I find knives in the wilds of Worcestershire at this time of night?

[Disk0]

Re: Clockwork BOFH...

The person in charge has met his untimely demise due to an unfortunate incident involving a teaspoon.Before jumping to any conclusions, ask yourself; am I accident-prone?

[Denarius]

you owe me

another keyboard with the "locksmith to recut our SSL keys"

Spluttered my tea all over. Brilliant managlement managing

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: you owe me

Same here. Brilliant stuff

[steelpillow]

Re: you owe me

Beat me to the post. Have a beer to help dull the pain of mopping up coffee.

If you can find Dabbsy and share it with him, that would be kind. He has been around this business a long time, methinks some Vulture hath blundered.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: you owe me

And....

"How did you glue it back together?"

"With thermal paste,"

[Martin-73]

Re: you owe me

LPL could crack the new key in LESS than the lifetime of the universe... video is 2.20 long

[KittenHuffer]

The Boss was just ....

.... stirring up trouble when he approached the dynamic duo about this problem!

Mine's the one with the suspicious jangling coming from the pocket! ------------>

[Pascal Monett]

"There's been a terrible accident"

Given that it happened near the BOFH's building, it was more a perfectly normal accident.

[Coastal cutie]

Vintage BOFH

[Scott 53]

This work has already been done

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1322240/

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: This work has already been done

There is the opposite phenomenon - appearance of teaspoons dissimilar to those already present. I think quantum tunnelling is responsible.

Then there's the mystery of disappearing socks although it has been claimed that socks are the larval form of coat-hangers.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: This work has already been done

There was also a planet entirely given over to biro life-forms.

And it was to this planet that unattended biros would make their way. Slipping quietly through wormholes in space to a world where they knew they could enjoy a uniquely biroid lifestyle.

Responding to highly biroid-orientated stimuli, in fact, leading the Biro equivalent of the good life and as theories go, this was all very fine and pleasant, until Veet Voojagig suddenly claimed to have found this planet and to have worked there for a while, driving a limousine for a family of cheap green retractables.

[swm]

Re: This work has already been done

Coat hangers turn into oysters.

[AlbertH]

Re: This work has already been done

No - they turn into "found bicycles".

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: This work has already been done

No they turn into car aerials.

Wheres me furry dice?

[M.V. Lipvig]

Re: This work has already been done

I thought they turned into shopping carts.

[Joe W]

Re: This work has already been done

Ah. BMJ. That one is hours of fun studies. Or used to be. Like couples in an CT scanner...

[Anonymous Coward]

Got to post this academic study:-

https://www.bmj.com/content/331/7531/1498

[Anonymous Coward]

That's a contender for an Ig Nobel prize if ever I saw one...

[Giles C]

And it measures in register units as well there are references to the coastline of Mozambique and a weight of teaspoons equivalent to 4 blue whales.

[Terry 6]

Actually

Proper Nobel Peace Prize stuff. Think about all the office annoyance that would be averted if only there were enough bloody spoons when a brew is needed!

[Neil Barnes]

Thank you for that; a seminal article if ever there were one.

[Jimmy2Cows]

Criminal classes

A bit surprising that 43% of follow-up questionaire respondents didn't think stealing (teaspoons) is wrong. But then I remembered it's Australia.

My pockets are empty. I haven't got your damn teaspoons; Leave me alone! [Jangle]

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Criminal classes

I resemble that comment! Just because I am Aussie, does not mean I am criminal!

[innominatus]

Re: Criminal classes

An important Australian scientific study concluded "The loss of workplace teaspoons was rapid, showing that their availability, and hence office culture in general, is constantly threatened."

[Antron Argaiv]

Fails due to the fact that none of the authors are named Bruce.

Otherwise, breakthrough research!

[Toe Knee]

“discreetly numbered with red nail polish on the undersides of the handles“

How does one *discreetly* label a spoon with red nail polish?