back to article Their 'next job could be in cyber': UK Cyber Security Council launches itself by pointing world+dog to domain it doesn't own

The UK Cyber Security Council announced itself to the public realm last week by touting a domain it doesn't own. Helpfully, internet jokesters then bought up variations on the official address. A brainchild of the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, the UK Cyber Security Council is billed by government as "the …

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Global Operating Devices to ACTive Astute Internetional Rescue with AI Virtual Interventionism

      I think we found the perfect job for our very own amanfromMars 1

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Global Operating Devices to ACTive Astute Internetional Rescue with AI Virtual Interventionism

        As much as one might like to think that would be a right doozy of an engaging appointment, under current government administration is such much more likely to be recognised as something of a booby prize trapping one into the confines of self-serving NDAs and OSA strait jackets should one consider them binding commitments to accept and honour.

        Oh, and governments usually always only pay peanuts whenever compared to private and pirate markets which do not have the same worry and fear about what you might or might not know about them.

        :-) They do say that everyone has their price though, and whenever the price is right, governments can be just as well servered as private and pirate sectors with the ball then held in their court to play.

  1. Commswonk Silver badge

    Why?

    We already have an established National Cyber Security Centre; do we really need an Cyber Security Council (answerable to a different department of government) as well?

    If the answer to the above is yes then can someone please tell me (us!) what the reason is? At the moment it looks like another bunch of people just sucking on the public teat while serving no new purpose.

    I just hope the answer doesn't involve "thought leadership", although the article rather suggests that it will. If it does then IMHO we're doomed.

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Why?

      Whilst im not completuely clear on the two, I believe that this one (the cyber security council) are just supposed to sit around and come up with ideas about getting people to study cyber security.

      Whereas the National Cyber Security Centre is actually supposed to help people with their cyber security.

      So they do have (if i have it right) different roles, and probably do deserver to come from different departments. Still a complete and utter waste of time and money though, but thats par for the course in Borisland...

      1. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        Why does the People's Front of Judea spring to mind?

        1. JeffB

          Re: Why?

          I thought it was the Judean People's Front...

          1. Ochib

            Re: Why?

            You are all welcome at the Judean Popular Front

        2. Ramis101

          Re: Why?

          Splitters!

        3. DwarfPants
          Coat

          Re: Why?

          Twice in one day, El Reg should implement an auto Monty Python inserter. Perhaps a third tab "Enter you comment", "Add an icon", "Monty Python quotes"

      2. tfewster
        Facepalm

        Re: Why?

        Let's get the Department for Education involved as well so even more time can be wasted.

        By the way, the press release contains other howlers. Did you know that "infosec professionals" are (apparently) actually out-of-touch, incompetent amateurs? Never mind, the UK Cyber Security Council will sort them out!

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      I suspect 'one of the chaps' didn't have a job but was interested in this kind of thing.

      Then he was given a desk and told to give it a go.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        > National Cyber Security Centre; do we really need an Cyber Security Council

        Hypothetically if I grabbed the website for National Cyber Security Council and put up a brass plaque in Whitehall, how much government money could I hypothetically get away with before anyone noticed?

        I would like to tell you what we do at the National Cyber Security Council, but 'security' old chap.

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Why?

          Coincidentally the 'Yes Minister' episode where the banker Sir Desmond Glazebrook gets a job on a QUANGO through perfectly acceptable and honest lobbying* was on last night.

          *He asks Sir Humphrey Appleby to get him a job charing a QUANGO, and the only one available just happens to be the one that can get Minister Jim Hacker out of a hole he talked himself into on the BBC, thereby proving his independence, honesty, integrity and of course devotion to the country, that all members of QUANGOs need :o)

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      "If the answer to the above is yes then can someone please tell me (us!) what the reason is?"

      Because no govt dept. wants to be left without one.

    4. General Purpose Bronze badge

      Re: Why?

      We need a UK Cyber Security Council because right now Boris and his mates are eager to put union flags on everything, label everything "UK" and say "United Kingdom" as often as possible, hoping it'll stick.

    5. Muppet Boss
      Pint

      Re: Why?

      >We already have an established National Cyber Security Centre; do we really need an Cyber Security Council (answerable to a different department of government) as well?

      Because this is a small local Council, probably somewhere between Salford and Bury, not intended to offend the both...

      1. PM from Hell

        Re: Why?

        I'd like to propose that the HQ for the new Cyber Security Council be located in Besses o' th' Barn. It has ample facilities for Civil Servants including a tram stop, 2 golf courses several Gyms and is the home of Sedgely Tigers Rugby club. Its also very handy for 2 hospitals and the famous Strangeways Hotel.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Why?

          No, they closed Prestwich Hospital down years ago - I think it's a Tesco's or something now. But I'm sure the locals would get a nostalgia buzz from a new community of people wandering up the street with their knickers round their ankles.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not clear exactly what the new body will do

    I will offer this breakthrough and revolutionary idea that the new body will be busy, very, very busy. Busy making itself looking busy by demonstrating how busy it makes itself being seen as being busy. You ain't seen nothing (yet), but boy, the business is gonna be a-booming. Move along plebs, nothing to see here, move along!

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: It's not clear exactly what the new body will do

      We know a song about that!

      Bing Crosby et al from A Connecticut Yankee At King Arthurs Court.

  3. nagyeger
    FAIL

    governing body on training and standards

    A comment on RevK's blog points us to: https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-uk-cyber-security-council-to-be-official-governing-body-on-training-and-standards

    This is in the online safety section, apparently.

    Yes, you couldn't make it up, they're the official governing body on training [FAILURES] and [IGNORING] standards.

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: governing body on training and standards

      So what is the role of the BSI and the ISO? I used to be on an ISO advisory panel in the UK concerning cryptographic algorithms and protocols, which was / is professionally run by a prof from RHBNC (Royal Holloway and Bedford New College, now just Royal Holloway College).

      There are lots of other international standards bodies with interests in cryptography and IT (sorry 'Cyber') security, like the ITU, Cenelec and the IEEE. Will this new organisation co-ordinate UK representation with them? If only there was a reliable web site which explained their role...

  4. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    This information is grossly out of date

    Since publication of this article, the minister concerned has recruited a bloke he met at his local pub (coincidentally being his wife's brother, though the minister was unaware of the connection at the time), who, after long detailed negotiations and 7 pints of cider, has promised to set up a web sight (or is it cite?) as well as an intertube mail address thingy for a cut-price 7 or 8 figure sum, which over the next 5 years (if not delayed by unforeseen circumstances such as a cold spell over Winter) will result in web pages containing at least 5000 real words of e-content and one or two JPGs, all generated by leading-edge AI in conjunction with his mate's 7 year old daughter and her pet gerbil. A committee to discuss what font to use is already in the initial stages of formation, with £15 million having been allocated to that end.

    It will be World beating.

    So stop spreading fake news!

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: This information is grossly out of date

      If only "track and trace" had been organised on such a professional basis

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

        Re: This information is grossly out of date

        It was organised very efficiently and effectively, in South Korea.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: track and trace / in South Korea.

          A South Korean colleague of mine returned from a few months in South Korea late last year; and commented "It's nice to be back in a free country". I have no particular opinion one way or another, and perhaps I misunderstood, but it is just possible this suggests some people in the UK might find some of the reasons for the effectiveness of SK's track and trace somewhat challenging.

    2. Stumpy Silver badge

      Re: This information is grossly out of date

      Well, I'll save you £15M right off the bat. Comic Sans. It's always good to start with Comic Sans.

      1. albaleo

        Re: This information is grossly out of date

        It's folk like you that put people like me out of business.

  5. Tron

    The clowns are running the circus.

    'Thought Leadership' is Boris Speak for another way to syphon public money to ones mates, making up for how much Brexit has cost them.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: The clowns are running the circus.

      Because "Thought" and "Leadership" are what immediately come to mind when you think of Boris

  6. fidodogbreath Silver badge

    Cybery McEggface

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It'd be nice to think that...

    'The UK Cyber Security Council domain doesn't even have a parking page, let alone a working website behind it'

    ...is disingenuous. The site may technically exist and be up and working. The 502, however is no less of an embarrassment and doubly so since it's apparently still an issue.

  8. MrReynolds2U

    Cyber ... urgh!!

    When did Cyber move from a prefix to a noun? It's a horrible bastardisation of the original use of the word. Unfortunately now it's in regular use.

    (I realise it's originally derived from Greek)

    When I read or hear it used this way it grates... every... time.

    On a side-note, I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading back in the day.

    1. arachnoid2

      I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading

      Cyber-Netflix doesn't appear on a curriculum I ever saw, is it a real life series akin to CSI:Cyber?......

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

        Re: I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading

        I think you have the author William Gibson to thank for the term "cyberspace' in his story "Burning Chrome".

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Gibson

        1. MrReynolds2U

          Re: I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading

          "Cyberspace" I am entirely fine with. It's been around a while and just feels right as a term.

          However, politicians and marketers using the word "cyber" on it's own (as a blanket term for pretty much anything computer-related) is what grates.

          Actually, thinking about it... pretty much anything a politician or marketer says pisses me off.

          1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

            Re: I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading

            "pretty much anything a politician or marketer says pisses me off."

            I'm ok, then. As an occasional supporter of the Liberal Democrats here in the uK, I have nothing whatsoever to do with politics, or the use or abuse of political power at all.

          2. Dave559 Bronze badge
            Stop

            Re: I did actually study Cybernetics at Reading

            "Cyberspace" is a bit of a wank term as well, to be honest. We all know it was new and shiny (iridescent shimmering silver, since you ask) once, but the internet has effectively been around for most people for nigh-on 30 years now, it's certainly not "new media" any more. Is it not perhaps time for this hackneyed phrase to wash up on the shore of a desert island somewhere, along with "surfing the web" and all those "under construction" GIFs, please?

  9. Potemkine! Silver badge

    In France we call that kind of council a "Theodule committee". a Theodule committee is a governmental emanation whose only purpose is to use taxpayers' money to fill the pockets of political friends nominated to that committee. These committees are totally useless for the public good, and generally make a public report once a year (written by an unpaid intern) to prove they really exist. I'm relieved to see we aren't the only corrupt country to do that.

    1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      The world-beating UK has already expanded that concept to be an entire Theodule Government.

  10. Lotaresco Silver badge

    Brought to you by...

    This entire "cyber" nonsense is a concept of a government that is composed mostly of PPE graduates. That's PPE, the degree that covers skimming reference sources, bullshitting and busking essays. They genuinely think that any subject can be skimmed and understood (to the level they consider it necessary to understand) any subject. They are disgusted at the costs of IT security. I have been told by several of them that they think it's revolting that graduates of red brick universities, mere "grammar school boys" should be paid as much or more than a cabinet minister gets paid. We're the wrong sort, we went to the wrong place, we are very much "non-U" and it's disgusting that there are very few Eton educated individuals in IT. Apparently.

    They are setting out to get the costs down and degrade the profession to a box-ticking exercise. Sadly there are far too many within the civil service who are keen to help them. They are also enraged that a consultant in industry makes several times what they earn in Cheltenham or Milton Keynes. Therefore the entire profession is being worked over with lukewarm schemes such as "Cyber Essentials" and the NCSC sponsored MSc. Add to that the advertising campaigns which attempt to push people with zero interest in the subject into "cyber" and you have the reason whey I'm looking forward to retirement.

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Brought to you by...

      PPE: Politics, Philosophy and Egotism

    2. MrReynolds2U

      Re: Brought to you by...

      Yes I've noticed those post-grad qualification adverts:

      - Know fuck-all about IT?

      - Want a pointless qualification that nobody in the industry will recognise?

      - Want to get said MSc and still know fuck-all about IT?

      Sign up today.

      1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

        Re: Brought to you by...

        Are you, by any chance, referring to Dominic Cummings's highly valued super-forecaster 'wierdos'?

  11. Warm Braw Silver badge

    The Worshipful Company of Information Technologists

    There's some rather dispiriting background to this here.

    One of the organisations involved is, I kid you not, the Worshipful Company of Information Technologists.

    View the Sigmund Romberg future of your profession here, folks...

    1. Commswonk Silver badge

      Re: The Worshipful Company of Information Technologists

      There's some rather dispiriting background to this here.

      Dispiriting is a wildly inadequate description IMHO. I read this:

      The Council’s focus is set in four pillars:

      Professional Development

      Outreach and Diversity in Cybersecurity to Develop the Next Generation

      Professional Ethics

      Thought Leadership and Influence

      Apart from the usual salad of buzzwords (Bingo, anyone?) I see no mention of anything about improving the nation's cyber security; silly of me to expect it really.

      Never mind; it's got Outreach and Diversity so it's got to be good innit?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The Worshipful Company of Information Technologists

        > I see no mention of anything about improving the nation's cyber security; silly of me to expect it really.

        That's a bit like saying introducing 8 year-olds to football won't help the England team. Maybe not immediately...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Very few Eton educated individuals in IT...

    ... because they is mostly thick. Met plenty of the nice-but-dim brigade as have accidentally ended up in the horsey world despite living in social housing. I went to a comprehensive but I still got a decent BSc and then a PhD - that doesn't count with these types. You might as well be "merely" a tradesperson. What does bring them up short, though, is when you can correct them on their misremembered classics :-) -- or when your horse beats theirs :-D

    By the way - anybody here read Jacob Rees-Mogg's execrable book "The Victorians" - bloody hell. They think this guy is some kind of genius. I can only assume he's always been the smartest person in the room due to assiduous attention to room selection. Occasional flashes of rhetorical brilliance but in general it reads like a late-night, last-minute rush job by a first year undergrad (US=Freshman); more specifically, from one who was the smart kid at school and hasn't quite realised he's going to have to step it up now he's matriculated. The guy called his sixth child 'Sixtus' for Christ's sake and told everyone it was a Latin joke. ORLY? SIxtus is a Latinization of a Greek name (Ξυστος) and six in Latin is 'Sextus'. It is literally an ancient corruption of "Polished" - it would be a better epithet for JR-M himself.

    Oh yeah, they also think that Gove is smart. Oh and they absolutely were blown away by Dominic Cummings, weren't they? The history graduate who told us the key thing was to pick people 'very carefully' and focus on brilliant scientific minds, giving them freedom and funding. Weird how nobody ever seemed to question why DC thought he himself was actually one of those. It's almost like they aren't actually intelligent enough to tell whether people are really intelligent or just maintaining a brilliant, loud projection of a semblance of the same devoid of any real underlying substance ...

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

      Re: Very few Eton educated individuals in IT...

      It is not all Jacob's fault, he is after all the son of William Rees-Mogg:

      https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/nov/09/mystic-mogg-jacob-rees-mogg-willam-predicts-brexit-plans

      "In the spring of 1997, shortly before Tony Blair took power, William Rees-Mogg, ex-editor of the Times, leading Eurosceptic, pinstriped self-publicist and father of Jacob, published a book that claimed to see the future of the world. The Sovereign Individual: The Coming Economic Revolution and How to Survive and Prosper in It opened with a quote from Tom Stoppard’s play Arcadia: “The future is disorder.”

      For 380 breathless pages, Lord Rees-Mogg and a co-author, James Dale Davidson, an American investment guru and conservative propagandist, predicted that digital technology would make the world hugely more competitive, unequal and unstable. Societies would splinter. Taxes would be evaded. Government would gradually wither away. “By 2010 or thereabouts,” they wrote, welfare states “will simply become unfinanceable”. In such a harsh world, only the most talented, self-reliant, technologically adept person – “the sovereign individual” – would thrive."

      1. Snapper

        Re: Very few Eton educated individuals in IT...

        William Rees-Mogg also wrote -

        Blood in the Streets: Investment Profits in a World Gone Mad

        The Great Reckoning: Protect Yourself in the Coming Depression

        and a few others on the same lines. Which suggest that Smoggie may have had a few tips from his pater about deliberately creating a depression and a world gone mad so he could make a modest profit.

        The proles don't matter and never did!

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