back to article Scotch eggs ascend to the 'substantial meal' pantheon as means to pop to pub for a pint during pernicious pandemic

Ideally, government regulations should not be open to interpretation, but the UK's wishy-washy response to the coronavirus pandemic has only left people scratching their heads – or, worse, thinking of ways they can bend the rules. Is it 2m social distancing, or 1.5? Is it stay at home, save lives, protect the NHS, or hands, …

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: 11pm and cornflakes

      "such as might be expected to be served as breakfast".

      That will be two slices of toast with no butter then.

      1. Outski

        Re: 11pm and cornflakes

        Surely "just dry white toast, ma'am"?

        H/T Elwood Blues

        1. The Count Is Dead
          Happy

          Re: 11pm and cornflakes

          Don't forget the 4 whole fried chickens. Nutritious.

          1. Outski

            Re: 11pm and cornflakes

            And a Coke

    2. bonkers

      Re: 11pm and cornflakes

      I wonder if a “Vegan Breakfast” would count?

      - a cup of coffee and a cigarette…

      I did once complain to a Australian colleague – late into a long day meeting abroad – that that was all I’d had so far that day.

      …That’s nothing – all I’ve had is a Dingo’s breakfast…

      A Dingo’s breakfast?

      …Yeah, a scratch, a sniff and a look around…

  1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    The Lucky 01rish :-) ........ always the Reliable Rogue and Riotous Rebel in Revolt ....

    ...... and Up for Doing Things Differently

    A healthy draught of the creamy black Guinness product both sets up and has overwhelmed many a stout soul whenever treated and delivered as a substantial meal.

    Who hasn't fallen head over heels and been a willing witness in actions smitten and propelled by its awesome charming capture ........ on any number of occasions doing the product proud? :-) Put it on your bucket list if the experience is missing in your portfolio.

    This endorsement was not/is not yet brought to you by Guinness Pilots for a Brewery at St. James’s Gate. .....where similar such fuels mastered there are bound to be guaranteed exceptional. They are after all bonded liquor license holders.

    1. techdead
      Pint

      Re: The Lucky 01rish :-) ........ always the Reliable Rogue and Riotous Rebel in Revolt ....

      upvoted for the 'stout soul'...

  2. macjules

    they couldn’t tell us what substantial food was

    What a complete effing joke.

    It is like this with the schools. They demand that every school provide a "substantial" school meal during the COVID-19 crisis but (as usual) leave it up to the head teacher to define what that meal should be or what substantial means. My lot come home and say that they get a pack of crips, a choice of sandwich, an apple and a small orange drink on good days.

    1. Clunking Fist

      Re: they couldn’t tell us what substantial food was

      And what, pray tell, do they get when you fix them their school lunches?

  3. Dabooka

    It's hard to be critical without being labelled

    However it really is colossal clusterfuck. Ignoring the widespread corruption, cronyism and double standards, the simple reality is the government are incapable of either asking for assistance or acknowledging they are wrong. On anything.

    Every time I see one of the prime wazzocks on television they evade answering questions, repeat the same nonsense answers or spit off more and more soundbites. I could almost forgive them this (almost) if it weren't for the fact that every single thing they say or do is measured first and foremost against potential backlash.

    Nothing is genuinely done to give benefit, because it's the the right course of action or due to the fact we deserve some honesty. It's all done to try and mitigate fallout and that should not be the primary driver. This is why you end up with debates about scotch eggs* a substantial meal and folk spending time devising workarounds.

    They are, as long as served with crisps (preferably Seabrooks)

    1. Cynical Pie

      Re: It's hard to be critical without being labelled

      An upvote for Seabrooks, Ready Salted or Canadian Ham are my personal favorites

      1. Dabooka

        Re: It's hard to be critical without being labelled

        Ready salted.

        As these are the king of crisps anyway

        1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
          Unhappy

          plain crisps

          Ready salted.

          As these are the king of crisps anyway

          You wouldnt say that if that was your only choice of flavour from birth until you left home.

          You wouldnt say that if your mum , inexplicably refused to accept that crisps were available with actual flavour installed , and blindy bought multipacks of bland bland same same ready fucking salted year after year , crually refusing to even explain why WHY , WHY in Gods Name would you not get Salt and Vinegar , or Cheese and Onion , given it costs exactly the same.

          You wouldnt say that if you had to go to school and see the other kids with their Flavored crisps ,

          all the flavours under the sun , Prawn cocktail , fish and chips , salty bacon ,pickled onion.

          ...and you standing forlornly with your bag of Safeway ready fucking salted.

  4. John 110
    Coat

    Why do you need rules?

    This bastard virus will either :

    a - Kill you

    b - Leave you incapacitated for a looong time

    c - Or kill your granny

    Why do you need the government to tell you to be careful!!

    ---> me putting on my labcoat...

    1. AW-S

      Re: Why do you need rules?

      "Leave you incapacitated for a looong time"

      On LBC this morning they mentioned they would be talking to someone who had been suffering from "Long COVID" for nearly 24 months. Interesting.

      1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52935644

        has someone saying that one of the "old" common cold viruses called OC43 is a bastard if it really gets its teeth into you. But it's not news - except in this case.

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Why do you need rules?

      Many people will suffer very little side-effects from the virus. Doesn't mean it isn't a serious illness, but it's not ebola or cholera.

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        but it's not ebola or cholera.

        Quite right - the vaccines against ebola and cholera are already approved and available.

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Why do you need rules?

          Yes, but they also have far higher mortality rates.

          1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

            Re: Why do you need rules?

            Maybe I should have used the joke alert icon.

            Anyway, now we've got approved, just need available. Amazing what the biologists can do these days.

      2. John 110
        Facepalm

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        "Many people will suffer very little side-effects from the virus."

        And the rest don't count? So let's put the bullet in the cylinder and spin it, shall we?

        "Doesn't mean it isn't a serious illness, but it's not ebola or cholera."

        Because if people were squirting blood from all orifices, then we'd take it seriously?

        The problem is that Covid isn't a hollywood illness, if it was, then people would take more notice. As I said (or meant to say), these precautions aren't arbitrary rules like parking restrictions or stuff like that. We're in a public health crisis, and every single time we relax and take our eye off the ball, the numbers spike again.

      3. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        Many people will suffer very little side-effects from the virus. Doesn't mean it isn't a serious illness, but it's not ebola or cholera.

        A) Dont be so fucking selfish, i cant believe you got 7 upvotes for that.

        B) Its a good job its not Ebola , given the absdulrtlely shambolic lack of 'give a fuck' the public has shown during this episode , or we'd all be dead.

        Past generations were told to to Storm the beaches against machine gun fire.

        All we had to do was *not* go to the beach , and lay off the pubs and clubs.

        seems thats too much to ask these days.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Why do you need rules?

      It's taken me a good while to see the parallel with life in N Ireland. On the one hand there was a terrorist campaign which could kill you but on the other you had to get on with life. So there were rules and the bulk of the population got along with them, the exceptions mostly being those who were part of the problem.

      There were considerable differences. For a start the overall risk was lower and the risk distribution was different. A big difference was that it was impossible to be in denial; if your regular pub was a smoking ruin you could see it was a smoking ruin. You can't see a virus so there's scope for Covidiots to tell themselves and those around them that it doesn't exist.

      I don't see how we get round the last problem except the Covidiots discovering things the hard way. For the rest of us, however, we do need rules because they are essentially a codification of what the risks of infection are and how to avoid them. The rules will evolve as the mechanisms of infection are better understood and as treatments improve and vaccination is introduced.

    4. Jean Le PHARMACIEN

      Re: Why do you need rules?

      My 78yr old uncle had 2 days slight breathlessness

      He has type 2 diabetes (in remission) and is overweight (but less than in 2019)

      Recovered fully within the week.

      Only other person I know who has had it was also of similar age and outcome.

      This is not to dismiss those who who have been seriously ill or have died. However, to claim "it will kill you" is overblown

      It "could make you seriously unwell and may kill you" is closer to the truth

      For my part, I've had "proper" 'flu 5 times in my life. Each time has been a week in bed delerious followed by bilateral pneumonia requiring 2 weeks antibiotics. I have no chronic conditions but my 'flu experience is not the same as others but dont go round telling people 'flu will kill you' (it MAY)

      1. Derezed

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        Really? Ask anyone in any large hospital if they agree this virus is overblown.

        This is a pandemic and hospital ITUs were full (and are filling up again) with intubated people with serious complications as a result of COVID 19...not seasonal flu.

        This is about not overrunning the NHS and filling beds needlessly with sick and dying people. Flu does kill...yes...flu does cause ITU beds to be occupied...yes...flu DOES NOT cause hospitals to reach their capacity, cancel elective surgery and leave people without an effective health service. This virus does...

        It is not about your uncle and his dicky ticker, it's about whether or not an ambulance is available to take you to hospital after a car crash and whether or not there is a bed for you to be treated in and whether or not there are staff that are well enough (not too strung out to think) to fix you up.

        Your anecdote is genuinely irrelevant.

      2. Rich 11

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        However, to claim "it will kill you" is overblown

        And to claim that the government are telling you "it will kill you" is also overblown.

        Jesus fuck. Have you no self-awareness?

      3. Mooseman Silver badge

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        I know 2 people who have died of covid in the last month. One was in his 80's, had diabetes and early signs of alzheimers. The other was my age, with no pre-existing conditions. I have never known anyone to die of influenza; most people who claim to have had flu simply have a heavy cold. No, it's not universally fatal, but to equate a disease that is much more infectious than flu, kills at least 50,000 peope in less that a year (compared to maybe 1500 from flu - and please don't quote me the Sun or "brexitfacts" figures) is daft.

    5. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Why do you need rules?

      "Why do you need the government to tell you to be careful!!"

      Wow, that went straight over the head of half commentards who replied , hence the downvotes

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Why do you need rules?

        The evidence seems to be telling us that even when people are warned they're so disregarding of them as to constitute a danger to the rest and that enforced rules are needed.

  5. PassiveSmoking

    It's just like The Inbetweeners. Now give me three pints of cider and three carveries, please

  6. Dom 3

    Oh fercrissakes. If "they" try to spell out precisely what is and is not a substantial meal, there will inevitably be edge cases and some smart-arse who thinks they've found a loophole which they can exploit. Much better to leave it as is:

    1. Customer must order a substantial meal

    2. Don't take the piss.

    Dunno what this means: `This is how it "worked" before the second lockdown`. It was quite different a couple of months ago.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I'm vegan and on a diet. My substantial is not substantial.

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge
        Facepalm

        I'm vegan and on a diet.

        Self inflicted doesn't count.

      2. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

        How do you know if someone is a Vegan?

        "I'm vegan."

        Thanks for letting us all know and for reinforcing the adage.

  7. Mike Flex
    WTF?

    A soft-boiled scotch egg?

    What nonsense is this?

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: A soft-boiled scotch egg?

      Very good nonsense if you ask me. Don't like hard yolks. For variety, if you're in Manchester, I can recommend the "Manchester Egg" which uses pickled eggs, which always have soft yolks, and black pudding.

      Keep the hard-boiled ones for hurling at the clueless hordes of government ministers.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: A soft-boiled scotch egg?

        Keep the hard-boiled ones for hurling at the clueless hordes of government ministers.

        I thought the age old practice called for plain unboiled eggs, preferably rotten, to be hurled against politicians

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFfbgyt5Ceg

        A word of caution - remember John Prescott!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpqWFDXTkus

        Nigel Farage also popularised/appeared to attract Milk Shakes

      2. Dr_N

        Re: A soft-boiled scotch egg?

        Charlie Clark> which uses pickled eggs

        The savages. Clearly western civilisation is breaking down.

    2. Commswonk

      Re: A soft-boiled scotch egg?

      What nonsense is this?

      IMHO the correct response should be What kind of talk is that, then in a voice that might just sound like John Cleese.

  8. Strahd Ivarius Silver badge
    Angel

    The Twelve Tasks of Asterix...

    Where you can see an example of a "substantial" meal

    (even if it was just appetisers for Obelix)

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    In Ireland they applied a "€9 euro substantial meal" rule with a 1hr 45min max time rule seated. I know many UK pubs serve food priced under that amount but surely having a set min limit and a max time seated would have made more sense.

    But then I look at the UK Gov and realise that using a scotch egg quantity measure (and having mixed messages about it) is about the right incompetence level expected....

  10. Zarno
    Pint

    Welcome to NY...

    Welcome to NY, we've had this enforced since since July, with just as funny outcome due to it being so vague and wiggly worded.

    Originally "must be served with food", and then people just bought a bag of chips or a soft pretzel.

    Quickly changed to "substantive food".

    Chicken wings were suggested to not be "substantive food", and we nearly had riots before it was backtracked.

    But a small sandwich with chips was ok. As long as it wasn't too small...

    As of the last time I was out at a bar (early October?), a mid-size 100mmx100mm square of tomato pie was on the menu and apparently counted.

    I had ordered a full Friday Fish Fry though, because I actually went for food instead of just beers.

    Funny to think that ordering the full appetizer sampler platter would technically be against the rule as it's all hors d'oeuvres.

    Pints all around. Mine, in 5 hours, is going to be a canned Guinness poured in the special glass, at the house, on the couch, doing my part to stay out of that whole debacle.

  11. mark l 2 Silver badge

    Went out in teir 3 Liverpool to Wetherspoon just before the lockdown, and wanted to order starters while we had our drinks and then place the order for our mains afterwards, after previously getting the starters and mains together when we had ordered them at the same time. But the staff there were refusing to let us do it. So we left and went to a pub around the corner where they were being cockwombles and that was acceptable.

    1. Jean Le PHARMACIEN

      First mistake, went to "Spooners".

      Only Wetherspoons worth going to is in Lime Street Station, even then, its not the greatest experience

    2. werdsmith Silver badge

      If you were in Wetherspoons and not wearing baggy grey sweatpants with wee stains then the staff are obviously not going to take you seriously.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ministers...eh

    Can they ask the Commons canteen caterers to ONLY serve scotch eggs as a substantial meal as the only dish available for the duration of the pandemic/lockdown?

    Lets see how many MPs turn up, comparted to the already meagre attendees. The scroungers, them all.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Ministers...eh

      They will turn up - provided you agree to send them on all expenses paid fact finding trips to sample "substantial meals" in other countries - preferably in tropical countries with nice sandy beaches. Then they have something to compare against

    2. Rich 11

      Re: Ministers...eh

      And the scotch eggs would still be subsidised. Maybe if they had to pay more than 2s 6d for a meal they'd get out more.

      (For the benefit of younger readers, 2s 6d does not refer to an electron orbital configuration.)

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: Ministers...eh

        IIRC a pack of 2 small Scotch Eggs were 72 new pence at Lidl last week

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Ministers...eh

          My goodness! That's nearly 14 shillings and sixpence! Seven shillings and a thrupenny bit each! Mind you, there don't seem to be nearly as many thrupenny bits around since Glenda Jackson gave up the acting and went into Parliament...

          Time for my pills I think...

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