back to article 'Don't tell anyone but I have a secret.' There, that's my security sorted

Where's my free promo tat? Fellow convention attendees have no such problem being showered with promotional gifts from all sides as they totter up and down the rows of booths. You can see them staggering back to their hotel rooms, arms full of corporate-branded freebies, where they have prepared an empty suitcase specifically …


      1. Dr_N Silver badge

        Re: Enlightened society

        >He was standing against two strong women as well.

        But that is another video ...

    1. LDS Silver badge

      Re: Enlightened society

      My grandfather had a large sign in his shop saying "before using the hands, ensure the brain is connected". That would lead to an "enlightened society".

      Someone who evidently believes his brain is at a far lower position, and feel the urgent needs to share that, even privately, is hardly someone who could bring people towards an "enlightened society" - it's not the object, nor the act itself - it's the fact someone is being driven by his/her instincts only, and can't think properly before acting.

      I don't want people like that to take decisions on my behalf.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Enlightened society

        I think the brain and hands were intimated connected.

  1. Dr_N Silver badge

    "(or as we say here, 15 days)"

    That Gallic extra day margin, eh?

    Glad to see Norbet Spankmoney[sic] get an honourable mention. It's been a while.

    1. FrogsAndChips

      Re: "(or as we say here, 15 days)"

      Not just Gallic, other Latin languages have similar expressions.

      1. GTSageDev

        Re: "(or as we say here, 15 days)"

        Yes. In Welsh it's pythefnos (15 nights) and a week is wythnos (8 nights)

  2. 0laf

    Spiralizing the courgette

    Sir, I commend you for the creation of a new novel euphemism for bashing one's bishop. No mean feat these days in an overcrowded market.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Spiralizing the courgette

      So why did you fail to doff your mitre in appreciation?

      Or you could have reclined your rod? Or even had him for tea at the palace.

      I suppose a good service is out of the question?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Spiralizing the courgette

        I suppose a good service is out of the question?

        As the actress said...

  3. Floydian Slip
    Paris Hilton

    Best Freebie

    Way way back I attended courses delivered by Compaq in relation to their new IP Telephony kit designed to provide remote access to corporate HQ and outlying offices.

    All delegates were given a T-shirt (hey big spender) with the Compaq logo and the words "Compaq Remote Access Partner"

    Suffice to say I don't think anybody chose to wear the T, either in Compaq HQ or outside.

    Paris Hilton because I'm sure she'd recognise a C.R.A.P

    1. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Best Freebie

      You gotta wonder how much fun the BOFHs that came up with that had getting it past the training/sales department.

      Bit reminicent of: <a href='>"Synergy of Hardware and Information Technology"</a>

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: Best Freebie

        Dangit, missed a colon "Synergy of Hardware and Information Technology'

        1. baud

          Re: Best Freebie

          Username checks out

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "cheap pad of unsticky notes"

    Have a word with Griveaux. He can probably supply some sticky ones.

  5. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge


    No mention of MeWe?

    One of the features of MeWe is self-deleting videos that you can send via IM and chat on the MeWe platform.

    MeWe also touts users privacy as a major important point, and will not sell out their users.

  6. batfink Silver badge

    Is this an example of "cocking it up"?

  7. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    New alias

    Norbert Spankmonkey

    Ta, I'll use this alias the next time some website asks me for my name and email address to initiate a download.

    1. lglethal Silver badge

      Re: New alias

      Was Peter Ian Staker already taken?

  8. SVV

    Fellow convention attendees have no such problem being showered with promotional gifts

    I once went to a conference and had to arrange it all myself online using my company credit card. As I knew that the large badges you have to wear often bear your job title and company name, and I was working for a small subsidiary of a massive company, I decided that I would fill in my job title as "Global Strategy Analyst" for a laugh. It worked well, as all the promo people were falling over themselves to throw goodies at me and try and get me interested in their stuff, and I think I pulled off the non-commital but prepared to listen briefly attitude pretty well. The conference itself was interesting and useful for my (actual) work. A month after returning, the first letter arrived for me at work with the title "Global Strategy Analyst" under my name and I was asked what this was all about. When I explained, it thankfully caused massive amusement and thinking up fictional impressive job titles became a sort of competition when applying for stuff like magazine subscriptions and event tickets for a while.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fellow convention attendees have no such problem being showered with promotional gifts

      I think maybe companies selling stuff (IT or just pencils) into education don't have a clue who their customers are or what they need. So the product often isn't fit for purpose and the marketing is aimed at job titles that sound impressive to an outsider, but those people may only be monitoring the work of other teachers, not buying materials.

      For two examples of the former, one otherwise really good package of schools' software used to a) default save to its system folder, which in a school was inaccessible to saving or doing anything else except by the admin* b) didn't mention this fact in the instructions that (untrained, learn on the job) teachers had to follow and the options within the programme that allowed the programme settings to be changed were well hidden and c) most egregious of all would say it had saved the kids' work, but it hadn't and error messages were suppressed or something so there was no clue the work hadn't saved, let alone why or how to resolve the problem. It got sold to schools by enthusiastic advisors who persuaded the school managers to invest in it, but then remained unused because it all went pear shaped when they tried and no one had the time or energy to find out why, let alone resolve that.

      Another package required pieces of text for the kids to work on to be installed. It came with a long list of preloaded texts that weren't named other than as "text 1,text 2..." so the teachers had no way of knowing or remembering which was which, there was no way to install new texts ( like by saving them into a folder in .txt or jpg format, say) except by laboriously copy typing them into a built in text editor that was just so clumsy to use that no one could ever do so.


      *You're hardly going to let the kids -or the teachers come to that- get anywhere near the system folders

    2. Stork Silver badge

      Re: Fellow convention attendees have no such problem being showered with promotional gifts

      I have told my son he can be deputy follow-up manager in our company. He actually had a job title here which was "Animador Turistica e Auxiliar da Lavandaria" (Tourist entertainer and laundry helper), which we abbreviated to "Animador de Lavandaria"

  9. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Some things for more than just weekends, Dabbsy

    Give it up. Nothing is private any more.

    A sparkling gem of brilliant wisdom to impart and import/export to Cabinet Chimps and Proxy Parliamentarians alike as they dither and abdicate to deny another major escape of highly sensitive information Supplying All Manner of Advanced IntelAIgent Sources which can easily even be for/of an Alien Force.

    And Presently Testing Earthly Means and Memes for AI Casting to NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive IT Programs ..... Virtually Realisable in AIMaster Piloted Projects via the Sublime Swarm Root that always fails to not deliver any victory without the pleasures of insatiable desire to quench with further lust seeking more satisfactions.

    :-) As you can imagine, that be a Right Hornery Beast of an AIDriver to Master with Effective Remote Commands and Virtually Real Controls.

    And when you can do all of that, and all that is done, one can be engaged in everything.

    Can you imagine the pleasures and desires in that?

  10. Tail Up

    Political SExpo Sec Advisory

    Another Mmercilessly Influencing post, AD.

    Where's the button "Download ElRegMesser"?

  11. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Suppressed bad memories...

    "Come Christmas morning, imagine my dismay as spouse, first-born and runner-up get around to unwrapping the nasty powerbanks I had given them… just minutes after unwrapping powerbanks given to them by other people. Inevitably, the latter were quality products purchased with actual money from the likes of Anker, making my freebies look twice as shit."


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