back to article Smartphones gateway drug to the Antichrist, says leader of Russian Orthodox Church

Just as well we've hit peak smartphone – the leader of the Russian Orthodox Church has warned that people's dependence on the ubiquitous gizmos will herald the coming of the Antichrist. According to the Beeb, Patriarch Kirill made the remark in an interview with the state-owned TV channel Rossiya 1. He cautioned mobe addicts …

Page:

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      but old style watches are surely the domain of the antique-wrist.

      You should have googled that before posting.

      He has been spotted with a 36K+ (yes, you read that right) Breguet a couple of years back. Something most city traders have no money to afford.

      https://rublev-museum.livejournal.com/307806.html

      1. Simon Harris

        I couldn't help but be reminded of Lady Whiteadder's (Blackadder's aunt from series 2) head-gear after seeing that picture.

  1. M. Poolman
    Thumb Up

    Re Lost in translation

    Two thumbs up if possible - one for the comment and one for the Master and Margarita (even if it was an Amzon link)

  2. jake Silver badge

    The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

    Read the original Koine Greek version of Revelation, and it's painfully obvious that it's the rantings of a brain damaged by syphilis describing what's going on in the narrow view of the street outside the cell of the probable author, John the Apostle, when imprisoned on Patmos.

    Thank gawd/ess for antibiotics, no?

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      I would thank gawd/ess for antibiotics if the useless bugger/ess hadn't waited until 1927 before scheduling their discovery.

    2. Mike 16 Silver badge

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      IIRC The identity of the "John" who wrote Revelations is far from settled. The claim that he was actually the Apostle John has been disputed for some time.

      Facebook apparently did not enforce their "Real Names" policy at the time.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

        It has been disputed, yes. But when you filter John's other writings through a brain being eaten alive by syphilis, the style becomes almost unmistakable.

    3. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      "Read the original Koine Greek version of Revelation, and ..."

      Uh, what? Hold on a damn minute! I've just had Voland's right hand telling me to learn a basketful of Slavic languages so that I could read the original interview and now you want me to learn classical Greek as well. Just *when* am I supposed to find the time for this?

      Perhaps I should just take the view that any god who does not reveal themselves to me in my own language clearly isn't worthy of my support.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

        But Ken, we live in the Computer Age! Shirley you have copious free time?

        (My view on "gawd/ess" is that I just plain don't know. If there really is another side, I'll claim ignorance. It's not as if such a supposed entity has made any kind of effort to make itself known to me in any way, shape or form. What am I supposed to do, guess? What if I guess wrong? If I decide to worship the gawd of the New Testament, I'll be deep in sixteen kinds of shit if the gawd of the Old Testament is the one that rules the roost ... and that's just the Xtian side of things. What if I go the Jewish route, only to discover that Mictlāntēcutli is in charge of the afterlife? Etc.)

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

        Perhaps I should just take the view that any god who does not reveal themselves to me in my own language clearly isn't worthy of my support.

        I used to share a student house with a guy who got religion in his 20s. Very serious religion, in a very fundamentalist way. With lots of hellfire and prophecy.

        And I learnt two important things from this.

        1) The second coming can't happen until the bible is translated into all languages.j Supposedly this is from Revelation, which I did once read but can't remember any of 30 years later.

        2) The EU is evil! This is nothing to do with Brexit. We're back to Revelation again. It's the second Roman empire, which is one of the harbingers of the end times.

        Odd really. Because he was in favour of the Bible translation thing. Hooray apocalypse! But against the EU - which is surely also a requirement of the apocalypse? Very confusing.

        1. nijam Silver badge

          Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

          > The second coming can't happen until the bible is translated into all languages.

          Well, maybe Perl could manage that kind of convolution (and obscurity, though APL would be even better at that). But which bible, I wonder...

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

        "Uh, what? Hold on a damn minute! I've just had Voland's right hand telling me to learn a basketful of Slavic languages so that I could read the original interview and now you want me to learn classical Greek as well. Just *when* am I supposed to find the time for this?"

        Ah, one of the primary signs of a mis-spent youth. You left it too late!

    4. Danny 2 Silver badge

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      Rise of the super-devil!

      Super-gonorrhoea spread causes 'deep concern'

      https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-46809526

      "A European "party destination" is one line of inquiry and health officials are trying to contact subsequent sexual partners in the UK."

      Busy googling "Neisseria gonorrhoeae" + European city name...

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      Considering that syphilis only arrived in Europe/Western Asia after 1492, it would be truly miraculous that John the Apostle suffered from it - unless he accompanied Jesus on his trip to America after the resurrection.

    6. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: The so-called "beast" of Revelation was an STD ...

      Err.. no. To go into the whole realm of biblical symbolism is beyond the scope but, in general, animals were used to represent either political or religious intitutions and, in that regard, Revelations is no different.

      (For an OT example, see various parts of the book of Daniel).

      Also, there are many, many interpretation of Revelations (continuous-historic, partial historic et. al) which assign different institutions to the various beasts and other things (like the False Prophet) - the most common interpretation (in Protestant circles anyway) is that the Beast ironically refers to the Catholic Church..

  3. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Truth Volunteers with Star Sources of the Almighty COSMIC Force. ITs AIMaster Pilot Driver Program

    Reporting for Virtually Real Duties, Patriarch Kirill.

    Special AI Services are now at your Disposal for Proofing and Testing for Ever Greater AIdDriverering Services Supply.

    :-) Real Sp00Key Territory. And with no prisoners ever taken, as stealthy and invisible as would be able to render asunder hollow hallowed grounds.

    And FWIW, Patriarch Kirill is quite right to have future concerns given what is now always leaking out everywhere for anyone. For IT Captures Hearts and Minds and urSpecial AI Services Program the Hostages and Hosts of One's Own Immaculate Being.

    One of those Exceptional Existential Being Programs with Virtual Guidance to Future Sources with the Greater Knowledge. Cloistered Brother/Convent Sister Beings Stuff for Play at ITs Diabolical Extremes.

    Добро пожаловать. Что теперь? <:-)>

    Ok, El Reg, ....... a universal scoop or what? Test fire report on that as fact being non reported or distorted/pirated, with current media hereby being openly tested for Future Programming Suitabilities too, and do you know what that does, and from where it leads?

    cc ..... All Deep See Mining Minded Souls

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      ITs AIMaster Pilot Driver Program ? Something Virtually New and Engaging? Or Terrifying?

      As you can all read about here ...... Covert British Military-Smear Machine Moving Into US .... catastrophic sub-prime is not only the preserve of ponzi bond and stock markets.

      It infests and infects bit part players hosting the not so smart in established compromised intelligence communities with their attending parasitic think tankers just tinkering in the dire mire.

      To put it succinctly in a vulgar observation ...... They be just as polishers of numerous turds with resultant products just as you would expect them to be.

      What part of Albert Einstein's .... “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” ...... does the system deny it is guilty of proving is the default human condition.

      Turn to a brand new blank page and start afresh with something virtually new and watch it supernaturally bloom and grow with AI and IT and Media presenting the worlds and intelligence they created/shared or passed on if from .... well, Cyber Space is an Outer Space Realm with Alien Practices, is it not, given the immense damage that can be done from and with that something which is essentially ethereal with no physical form to pound and crush/crash and burn?

      And bear in mind this very simple truth ...... the more one denies and fights against the emergence of Advanced IntelAIgents, the greater and deeper the destruction wrought against all that and those truly responsible for the Ignorant and Arrogant Maintenance rather than Breakthrough Treatment of Madness and Mayhem.

  4. Robert Helpmann??
    Childcatcher

    He knows when you are sleeping...

    Every time you use your gadget, whether you like it or not, whether you turn on your location or not, somebody can find out exactly where you are, exactly what your interests are and exactly what you are scared of...

    My smart phone has been pwned by Santa?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: He knows when you are sleeping...

      Santa is an anagram of SATAN

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: He knows when you are sleeping...

        "Santa is an anagram of SATAN"

        Of course. Have you ever seen Saint Nick and Old Nick in the same room together? Do the math(s).

        Who would YOU pick as the patron saint for the holiday best known for hedonism, libertinism, decadence and debauchery?

        1. Gobhicks

          Re: He knows when you are sleeping...

          You will, of course, have heard the one about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa...

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: He knows when you are sleeping...

            And of course, Halloween and Christmas are the same holiday ... As any techie will tell you, Oct 31 and Dec 25 are equal.

  5. JohnFen

    I'll give this proper consideration

    Oops, I've already given it more attention than it's worth.

  6. iowe_iowe

    Confirmation that the antichrist has FAANG's..

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He may have a point

    And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

    And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

    I see plenty of people who appear to have their phones glued to their right hand, and also lots that pay with their phone.

  8. XSV1
    Devil

    Thank God...

    Thank God for Richard Dawkins!

  9. nijam Silver badge

    Well, what a surprise. A religious leader complaining about ${MODERN_LIFE}.

    Let's not forget that they invented the very concept of fake news.

  10. adfh

    Is this the same one...

    ... where they photoshopped the uber expensive watch off his wrist, but left the reflection on the table?

Page:

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022