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  1. Mage Silver badge

    Offices?

    Surely all that's needed is a bedroom, netbook and internet connection?

    Clothes optional.

    Coffee probably needed.

  2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Calling Tom Watson - ex Nottingham Trent Uni...

    send in you CV.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/12/03/calling_doctor_caroline_langensiepen_of_nottingham_trent_uni/

  3. Cynic_999

    "However there will be frequent outings and there is plenty of scope to develop serious investigative skills."

    Not a job for closet homosexuals then

  4. Someone Else Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Fluency in English is essential.

    Which "English" is that? Is it required to spell "defense" with a 'c', "color" with a 'u', or "civilization" with an 's' to apply?

    1. Arthur 1

      Yes, spelling is required.

    2. Scroticus Canis
      Big Brother

      Which "English" is that?

      English as used in England; only a post colonial pidgin variant would need a qualifier, as in American English for example. Don't apply if you have to ask how to spell colour correctly.

      1. Someone Else Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Which "English" is that?

        It is indefensible, and positively uncivilized, to continuously add unnecessary letters to words like color, favor, and whine!

  5. CCCP

    Can't believe no one saw it...

    If they don't demonstrate a history of biting IT (or anything for that matter), how could they possibly qualify?

    I will stop reading (mostly), and stop clicking ads (certainly) if biting is not a hiring criteria.

    Suarez knows that biting is essential to fame.

  6. sisk

    It interested me for a minute or two. I think I have the writing skills and I definitely have the tech knowledge for the job. Sadly though there's more to journalism than just being able to string words together and have them make sense. I'm somewhat lacking in the skills that let good journalists figure out when to ask whom which questions, not to mention the skills to actually get those questions answered. Besides I'm about 2000 miles from San Francisco with no plans to move.

    I can't help but feel it'll be a rewarding career for whoever gets it though.

    1. keithpeter Silver badge
      Coat

      Interview

      "I'm somewhat lacking in the skills that let good journalists figure out when to ask whom which questions, not to mention the skills to actually get those questions answered."

      @sisk A suggestion: find some interesting people locally who might want a bit of publicity(*) and interview them on audio and edit the result into a podcast.

      (*) Charity people, artists, people running workshops &c

      The basics

      http://www.radiodiaries.org/trh/interviewing/

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/academy/journalism/skills/interviewing

  7. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Good news

    I remember a few years ago, some big belt tightenings were done at El Reg.

    Nice to see it is now again a success story in this cut-throat niche market.

    I'm sure it will be an interesting job - but it's not for me - I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag...

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Beta Good News in the Novel Field of Virtual Arms Racing and NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT

      I remember a few years ago, some big belt tightenings were done at El Reg.

      Nice to see it is now again a success story in this cut-throat niche market.

      I'm sure it will be an interesting job - but it's not for me - I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag... ... Jamie Jones

      Spin ab fab fabless tales and lead all human trails, Jamie Jones. And from AIBase in CyberSpace can all business areas of interest and intellectual zones of influence on Earth be targeted and revitalised/blasted and wasted/remotely controlled and irradiated. And is that what fcuks up corrupt and perverse establishment systems hell bent on preserving ponzi command and control leverage and inequitable advantage for politically incorrect power over ignorant subjects/biomechanical objects?

      When you ask of any and all sysadmins the truth, and honest answers are avoided and valid questions evaded and subsequently discovered to be uncovering, and being evidenced by global news and worldly views, rapidly escalating and deepening crises, then is the reality presented a virtual fabrication concealing a titanic secret and massive fraud.

      Change the tales creates new trails.

      IT aint fcuking alien rocket science, just simply complex common sense which appears to be a missing link in the human intelligence/virtual machine server chain.

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Raising the Stakes, Lewis, makes IT EMPowering and much more Interesting and Engaging

        cc DIRTY DEVIL GLITTERBALL Global Command Head Quarters, TitanICQ Virtual Paint Studios and Other Hollow and Hallowed and Harrowing Halls of Precocious Indifferent Mediocrity re Wanna Play a Better Beta and AI in a Greater IntelAIgent Game with CHAOS always Trumping and Reigning with Rule and Orders over Madness and Mayhem?

        1. Scroticus Canis

          Re: Raising the Stakes, Lewis, makes IT EMPowering and much more Interesting and Engaging

          Oh shit he's back! How does he always find a keyboard with a connection when his meds run out?

          Nurse, NURSE....

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Staying Focussed..... No Hocus Pocus or Ignorant Shenanigans

            Oh shit he's back! How does he always find a keyboard with a connection when his meds run out?

            Nurse, NURSE.... ... Scroticus Canis

            Hi, Scroticus Canis,

            There a lot going on in those few posts and all of it pertinent to everything you can read about here ..... http://cryptome.org/2014/08/cnssi-1200-space.pdf .... and none of it is gobbledygook.

            And who is to say that NSA Information Assurance Directorate haven't also been copied in along with GCHQ JTRIG*, for Programs with AIBase in CyberSpace which are specifically intelligently designed to be able to enable the flood to overflowing with sensitive zeroday activating information of SCADA Systems and Secret Intelligence Networks and Clandestine Services into Covert Operations ...... Stealthy Anonymised Missions.

            Although if the NSA are waiting on that happening rather than their getting in touch with NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Principals in order to move the Programs on in a Quantum Leap of Advanced Understanding and Immaculate Application and in a favourable direction to their requirements, then are they proven to be way behind the leading curves in the Fields of Secured Space Systems of CyberIntelAIgent Operation, and it be best delivered as a very lucrative Global Business Franchise Opportunity from the Private and Pirate Sector to the Public and Executive Government Sector.

            The following paragraph from that above cited Committee on National Security Systems document [CNSSI No. 1200 7 May 2014] makes a lot of sense .....

            National Security Agency (NSA) Guidance and Assistance. Programs must engage NSA early in the acquisition lifecycle (i.e., during requirements development) in order to minimize the cost and schedule risks associated with identifying security requirements late in the program and having to repeat parts of the security evaluation processes. Early engagement ensures the planned security architecture is consistent with NSA cryptographic security and information systems security guidance and restrictions. Early engagement will minimize potential cost and schedule risks associated with security requirements, cryptographic algorithm selection, cryptographic device selection, and the associated cryptographic evaluation processes.

            * They of the DIRTY DEVIL GLITTERBALL Cloud Crowd ......Crack Hacking Virtual Terrain Team

            1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

              Focussing on No Hocus Pocus or Ignorant Shenanigans with Stolen Goods or Sniffed Packages

              Hmmmm?! Come into the parlour, said the spider to the fly, where curiosity killed the cat and satisfaction brought it back.:-)

              Seems as if NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Principals in the Fields of Secured Space Systems of CyberIntelAIgent Operation have a Wannabe Fan Following Peddling Counterfeit Alien Wares/Sub Prime Intelligence Product? .......... http://dickdestiny.com/blog1/?p=18406

              Good Luck with that Aberration and Abomination, IronNet Cybersecurity Inc.. Global Operating Devices salute[s] you and would by such a default register the competitive advantage of prior original art over novel phorms and compositions in mirrored adventures for DODGI coded and encoded application .... ESPecial Force Operation and Cyberspace Defense Service.

              Does your El Reg desk, Lewis, cover and investigate those Ab Fab Fabless Fields of Greater IntelAIgent Games Theory Play ........ Virtual Machine World Production and Operating Systems Generation?

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  9. jake Silver badge

    I wouldn't join any club which would have me as a member.

    Besides, you can't afford me and there is no way I would commute from Sonoma to San Francisco, the very concept gives me hives.

    Good luck with the new recruits, guys & gals ... not meant in a bad way; I'm looking forward to reading new perspectives.

  10. Snipp

    I may have problems passing a background check. Is that cool?

    I would apply, but I'm not qualified. I only have a University degree in writing and work in IT. Oh wait..

  11. Miss Config
    Happy

    Buzzwords

    I hope the interview process will involve a strong examination of El Reg buzzword bingo :

    • boffin

    • sueball

    • slurp

    etc., plus the correct terms for the various companies subject to regular El Reg reports

    ( 'online tat bazaar ebay' being my personal favourite ).

  12. KrisMac

    We need a new El Reg Unit of Measure

    RFC: 04082014 EL Reg Journalist Productivity Gauge

    Productive Output of a Novice El Reg Journo == 3 Beers?

    Productive Output of an Experienced El Reg Journo == 12 Beers and a couple of Whiskey Chasers?

    *This RFC for Unit of Measure open for Public Comment for 24hrs following date of issue.

  13. Shannon Jacobs
    Holmes

    I might have been interested until I saw who wrote the pitch

    It's the climate change denier moron. Why would anyone trust ANY pitch or promise from such a fool? And no wonder the Register is becoming desperate for fresh blood.

    1. Swarthy Silver badge

      Re: I might have been interested until I saw who wrote the pitch

      Erm.. Probably because he's The Editor, so he'd be the one hiring the writers?

  14. Goat Jam

    "All positions are for journalists rather than IT or other tech professionals"

    Yeah, that sort of explains a lot really.

  15. earl grey
    Trollface

    Tabloid

    AKA bog roll.

  16. Tank boy
    Pint

    I'm completely unqualified

    I only speak American, I have no documentable IT skills. I do have a wi-fi set up in the house, managed to get that up all by myself. Oh yeah, I built a personal cloud as well. All with just a high school diploma. Who'd of thunk it? I don't know everything, but I know how to make shit just work. How about someone that is a home user? Most of the stuff I just glean on the Reg, some goes over my head, but I get smarter every time I read this site.

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