NASA to make MAJOR ALIENS REVELATION this week

NASA has set the interwebs a-tremble with a teasing announcement to the global media that a news conference will be held in Washington DC on Thursday "to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life". The space agency's routine ploy of trailing major briefings in advance has …

[kryptonaut]

Alien translation

I wanted to see how aliens might translate nicole's message so I simulated it by sending it through Google Translate and back, via Korean, Welsh and Albanian. Message reads:

"Hi im nicole. I am this when my ambition is to do, and I hit it show.i, West End stage, with a small television and theater, and also would not want to see the mind has nothing to do one day love kkokgwaneun or one of the main part of extra care and I love what I want to show the doctor. However, laters.Nicole X"

I think that makes more sense than the original.

[Code Monkey]

Semi-literate wibblings

So not bad for Bebo, then.

[David 105]

What she meant

I've got a more accurate translation of what she meant

"Hi I'm Nicole, I want to be an actress because Heat magazine has told me that's the pinnacle that a young girl like me can aspire to. However, due to my obvious lack of talant and understanding of the English language I'll probably just end up getting my baps out on page 3, and noshing off a footballer in a Romford nightclub".

/social commentary

[KrisMac]

.... and I love what I want to show the doctor... !!!!

OMFG ROFL LoLZ! :-)

and other 1337 shit like that...

[Penguin herder]

Not necessarily

It does not have to be SETI or Mars. Cassini is still at it. There have been rumblings of a possible chemical cycle on Titan, and Enceladus is belching things that could turn out to be revealing. My money is still on Europa, but it seems unlikely that news on it would erupt now - we need to go ice fishing.

Kepler is probably more likely than SETI to turn up something interesting a long way away. The first finding there is likely to be a planet right where we would want it temperature wise. Then the hunt begins for water, oxygen and methane in said atmosphere.

[Christoph]

re Not necessarily

"My money is still on Europa"

And I will pay you the sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS to help me return it to Earth.

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS...

...EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.

[Fluffykins]

2010 Odessey 2

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE

[envmod]

everyone wants it to be about finding aliens

so you can fucking bet it won't be about that. probably be about them thinking of designing a new telescope which may or may not increase the chances of finding extra terrestrial life which may or may not be out there. said telescope to possibly go into service in 2035. but it might not do.

[Markus Wallett]

alphabet soups and keeping people in the dark

For gawd's sake, NASA and SETI are part of the consensus reality that makes people "collectively" a bunch of morons .The irony is that there's a lot of evidence to suggest that the Earth and humanity have been effectively "quarantined" for decades, but most of the population aren't aware of it. Our galactic quadrant is probably teeming with life, but we're like ants in a hill, and oblivious to most things around it. Non-terrestrials must really be having a good laugh at our collective stupidity.

[Loyal Commenter]

Uh-huh.

Lets see this evidence then. Go, on I can take it without my little head exploding.

[Anonymous Coward]

Evidence

Surely the evidence is overwhelmingly obvious;

We've not been visited by Alien life, therefore me _MUST_ be quarantined!

What not good enough? I'll have another word with the skyfaryists and see what other reasoning they rely on!

[Ken Hagan]

Re: Uh-huh

"I can take it without my little head exploding."

But apparently you are blind to the icon that accompanied the post.

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

Onoes...

I have a bad feeling about this....

QUICK!!!

Check if the dolphins are still around!

[Daniel B.]

So long and thanks for the fish

That's the message they've received. We're screwed!

Mine's the one with the Mark 42 improbability drive...

[Bilgepipe]

Kirk Here....

They're going to release classified documents that reveal Captain Kirk really DID travel back in time to 1969.

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

Or again in 1986.

All that coverup over the missing whales, I suspect.

[Bod]

Meh

It'll be another bit of gravitational wobble maths that has a signature that has led an artist to draw exactly what a new earth like planet that they've just theorised/"discovered", actually looks like in fine detail, complete with alien creatures this time.

[BristolBachelor]

Beat me to it

You beat me to it, and are probably right on the money, although you forgot to say that the alledged wobble was reported from elsewhere a week before the shock NASA announcement.

[amanfromMars 1]

Beta CyberIntelAIgents ..... Are Everywhere and into Everything .... Every Bit of Anything.

"It'll be another bit of gravitational wobble maths that has a signature that has led an artist to draw exactly what a new earth like planet that they've just theorised/"discovered", actually looks like in fine detail, complete with alien creatures this time." ... Bod Posted Tuesday 30th November 2010 13:48 GMT

Right on the money, Bod ...... Here is the SMART Picture showing the Extent and Density of Cover with NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Intellectual Service Provision :-) ....... http://amanfrommars.blogspot.com/2010/11/101129.html

And another smile, : -), because your disbelief does not hinder ITs Relentless Progress into Fields of Sublime Supreme Control....... with Temptingly Provocative and Disarmingly Promiscuous Power Memes for that Creative Cosmic Energy Flash Blast which always Driver the Special Event Horizons with ZerodDay Ones in the Immaculate Novel Beginning.

[Gordon 10]

MAXOS

Charlie Stross was right!

<that is all>

[thecakeis(not)alie]

Dec 02, 2010

Having previously detected a tenuous Oxygen atmosphere around the Saturnian moon Rhea, further analysis shows that the unaccounted for carbon dioxide present could not have been generated by any known natural means. Either some entirely novel chemical reaction was taking place...or there was life.

The news electrified the world. Mass religious hysteria caused Lester Haines to kick El Reg's new LOHAN fighter/bomber project into high gear. Combined with Lewis Page's new (catapult equipped) homemade nuclear carriers, they unknowingly were Europe’s last hope for salvation.

Reading the news of NASA’s discovery with alarm, aManFromMars decides that the Earthikans were getting too close to discovering the truth. Slowly, quietly, with great planning*, aManFromMars stares coldly and suspiciously down upon Earth and draws his plans against us…

*aManFromMars is actually aware that he needs a less exploitable weakness than *$@$ing water…

[Anonymous Coward]

Hugely important announcement that you'll never forget?

The Beatles are now on iTunes!

[petur]

I just hope

the interstellar message didn't mention anything about a bypass being constructed

[Anonymous Coward]

Now that Leslie Nielsen is dead ...

NASA can reveal that Forbidden Planet was a documentary and Monsters from the Id will emerge from the LHC as soon as the beams reach 4.0 TeV ... too much of a coincidence that all these things happen together ...

[Anonymous Coward]

Forbidden Planet.

The best sci-fi movie ever made.

[John H Woods]

Yep, that's because ...

... it's a thinly disguised retelling of our local bard's "The Tempest".

John H Woods

Stratford-upon-Avon

[Michael Dunn]

Forbidden Planet best Sci Fi movie ever made

Yeah, script (slightly adapted) by Shakespeare.

Has it ever struck anyone that humans are monsters from some other race's id?

OK, there's a tinfoil roll in the pocket - I'm going into the hat business.

[MonkeyScrabble]

Hmmmm

I think NASA were going to announce that the aliens had decided we were advanced enough to contact , up until they received that rambling piece of semi-literate gibberish penned by Nicole (X).

At that point they probably decided we weren't quite as intelligent as first thought and politely declined the offer of a weekend stay in Area 51.

Cheers Nicole.

I bet she breaks her teachers hearts every day.

[Nexox Enigma]

Teachers...

...and your teachers would probably rather that you wrote that last sentence as:

"I bet she breaks her teachers' hearts every day."

Those punctuation bits can be important, you know.

[Michael Dunn]

Re Nicole

Perhaps, but at least she's single-handedly delayed the invasion foe another decade.

What NASA is really going to say is that one of their super-duper space telescopes has detected a fleet heading this way, and that ETA is December 21 2012, and the Mayans knew that!

[Bluenose]

Based on past experience

NASA has found that space can support undeveloped intelligence and on that basis Paris has been selected to go to Mars together with the Obama's puppy dog (probably not a puppy now but hey who cares).

[Anonymous Coward]

if Obama's puppy dog goes to Mars

whi is running USA :-S

[lawndart]

Sounds straightforward enough to me

The SETI project is being wound up because Virgin has started throttling bandwith under their "Fair Use" clause.

[drdom]

They're just after our money

Apparently fierce property speculation within the Nebulon Ring Confederation exacerbated by over-hyped complicated financial instruments like collateralized debt obligations and mortgage backed securities (baffling even the best brains of millenia old extra-terrestrial civilisations) has led to a complete meltdown of the galactic financial system.

Banking representatives from the Nebulon Ring are due on Earth this Friday for showdown talks about a bailout of their banking system, which will be made more complicated because senior Nebulon bankers are still expecting their bonuses this year.

Must the middle classes on this planet pay for EVERYTHING??

[Tony Green]

Perhaps...

They've actually found intelligent life in the US?

[VMax]

Ok.

We've now passed from silly into the completely ridiculous.

[amanfromMars 1]

Prime Time Correction

"We've now passed from silly into the completely ridiculous." ..... VMax Posted Tuesday 30th November 2010 15:07 GMT

You may like to progress and travel stages further, VMax, to realise Absolutely Fabulous for a Code Red Alert Panic and Acute Anxiety Attack.

Correct me if I am wrong, VMax ...... but does your post reflect self doubt and dismiss the possibility of truth of some fantastic discovery/journey to be revealed as experienced by Others?

[tardigrade]

Fribble.

"Now is surely the time for wild and colourful speculation, not dull scientific fact."

That's the only reason I read The Register. :p

I'm hoping that the Culture GCU "Well I Was In The Neighbourhood" is on it's way. In fact I bet that's what it is. Closely followed by the GSV "Unfortunate Conflict Of Evidence".

Utopia here I come.

[Loyal Commenter]

Lets just hope

...that they're not sending a ship from SC. That probably wouldn't end too well.

[Anonymous Coward]

End too well?

Pardon my saying this, but if it were not for S.C. your erratic, unstable and irrational civilisation would have ended at least 60 of your years ago. It is a fine line we tread, between allowing you self determination of your future from non-interference, and downright meddling to prevent a major catastrophe.

Wel Lekker-Heet Meisje S.C. Agent, operating off the GSV "I think Halo is a pretty cool guy"

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh Goody!!!

Is Eccentrica Gallumbits, The Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six, coming?

Er.. I meant...

Whatever.

Where's my coat? I need to cover my face.

[Anonymous Coward]

I only skimmed the article

but can you ask Nicole to send candid photos of herself to my email addy?

[Sillyfellow]

its...

..more smokescreening to cover the real truths (as usual).

[Anonymous John]

Atitlefrommars

Good news: SETI has received a message from an alien civilisation.

Bad news: It's a 419 scam.

[Kobus Botes]

So...the LHC DID open the

interdimensional port, after all.

From http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/11/29/lhc_lead_results/page2.html:

"All the exciting ion-masher discoveries to date are to be outlined at a seminar on Thursday."

Thursday being 2 December, which also happens to be the exact same date that NASA will make their earth-shattering (inter-dimensional portal-shattering, anyone?) announcement.

Coincidence?

Must check if my HEV suit is fully charged.

Gordon - where are you?

[hugo tyson]

Ambassador Zgurglvraaz

"...am I of Norweb Federation and in escrow 7.3 brazillion Galactic Wangs is there. In gratitude of advance assistance to regurgitate these funds extramurally can I ...&c &c"

Well, you get the picture, and it's been done better by someone else already. But that's what the first SETI decoded message will say.

[BritPad]

Help !!!!

I for one would like to welcome our new overlords and was wondering if they could lend us €85bn or at least a fiver until dole-day. Best regards, Brian Cowen

[Bob Sanders]

"Poor Timmy." "He ate him all up"

Probably a message to see if we need help with our killer tomatoe problem.

"Bomb #20: False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore, I shall refuse to perceive."

[Primus Secundus Tertius]

Alien threat

Cartago delenda est - or words to that effect, aimed at us. (Carthage must be destroyed.)