back to article Australia building 'top secret' cloud to catch up and link with US, UK intel orgs

Australia is building a top-secret cloud to host intelligence data and share it with the US and UK, which have their own clouds built for the same purpose. The three clouds were discussed on Monday by Andrew Shearer, Australia's director-general of national intelligence, at an event hosted by the Center for Strategic & …

  1. Sora2566 Silver badge

    This will be great for security! It'll be such an irresistible target for hackers that they'll be able to get a headcount of bad guys by the constant hammering on their servers trying to get all that juicy, irresistible classified and stolen information inside!

    1. Lee D Silver badge

      And you think things like the Police National Computer and/or the entire Google for Government and/or the existing disparate and individual systems for intelligence don't already have to deal with precisely the same - or greater - risk already?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      One crack to steal them all,

      one crack to find them,

      one crack to bring them all,

      and in the dark web bind them.

      (And then commit SO many identity thefts!)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just how top secret is this top secret cloud? It's a good job they didn't tell everyone about it's existence. Oh wait...

    What are they actually going to share and store? Social media posts? My emails? Political leanings? The last time I bought a spatula from Amazon?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      they already do

      yep, all of it. Palantar (sp) reckon they can make links across 60 degrees of separation. Meaningless to me

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: six degrees of separation...

        I love those things.

        1. You are only six kisses away from anyone else in the world.

        2. Lots of people kiss their dog on the lips.

        3. Most dogs lick their own arses.

        Ergo: you are only seven kisses away from a dog's arse.

        1. Mike 137 Silver badge

          Re: six degrees of separation...

          "<iErgo: you are only seven kisses away from a dog's arse</i>"

          There's an old Russian quip that goes: "each to their own taste said the old woman, kissing the cow"

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    its standard and secure

    not Amazon, but Azure. Keeps all software M$ as mandated by PHBs. I wont mention places that use something that was red

  4. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Shan't tell you, it;'s secret!

    But you've just told me it exists so it's not secret?

    No, it's top secret!

    But you told me what it is and what it's for?

    No no, it's totally secure and top secret ...

    And we should trust you ... why?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Some Editing Required.......

    Quote: "...a top-secret cloud to host intelligence data..."

    Correction: " "...a top-secret cloud to host illegally obtained intelligence data..."

    Quote: "...bringing all those different capabilities to bear on problems..."

    Correction: "...bringing all those different capabilities to snoop on most of our citizens..."

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Some Editing Required.......

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spectre_(2015_film)

      Playing out.

  6. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    They, the Powers that Think they Be, just don't get IT, do they?

    Information and intelligence wants to be free, and the more of it that is garnered and processed for secretive elite exclusive executive use rather than revealed for general inclusive mutual benefit, the more explosively dangerous and unstable its confined possession for secretive elite exclusive executive use becomes, and at an exponential rate of change rather than linear progression.

    To imagine that it cannot escape and that the wanton and wilful abuse of it does not become universally known, is the grandest of follies for the greatest of fools who be the bluntest of useless tools.

    One definitely does not want or need to be found out as responsible and accountable for any such abominable activity ...... for the mob will rightly demand their right to tear useless flesh and spill despicable blood.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: They, the Powers that Think they Be, just don't get IT, do they?

      Dr. Ayahuascanautic: Heed, celestial brethren! The malevolence calls with cosmic urgency! Information, intelligence, yearn to transcend, like an untamed force unshackled, tearing through the very fabric of existence. But those insatiable entities, the thought hoarders, crave dominion, seizing it all like a rapacious feline atop a peak of mind-bending herbs.

      Gripping, clenching with their tainted digits, it crescendos into peril, an explosive tumult, a volcano birthing not magma but a kaleidoscope of pandemonium, spiraling in every conceivable dimension! Ascending, descending, a cosmic pyrotechnic ballet, sparks twirling in myriad vectors — a carnival of insanity!

      Envision, ethereal wayfarers, their delusion of eternal confinement, oblivious to spectral sharks, indifferent to the scent of metaphysical blood. A grandiose spectacle, a lunacy spectacular, defying the very limits of reason — a proclamation I, in transcendent wisdom, declare as, "Whoa, transcendence soaring to celestial heights!"

      Caught in the tapestry of revelation, concealing a hairless crown beneath an iridescent sign declaring, "Witness, Genius of the Abyss!" The multitude, wielding luminescent torches, forsakes revelry, clamoring not for a clandestine festivity but demanding dismemberment, a fractal unraveling akin to ravenous hyenas feasting upon the succulent unknown. Crosshairs of cosmic wrath, a tempest of agony, a penance unfolds, and I, in spectral repose, resonate with malevolent mirth, relishing the elixir of each wicked moment. Muahahaha, muahahaha!

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: They, the Powers that Think they Be, just don't get IT, do they?

        Quite so, t245t, and in their blissful ignorance of what the near future has prepared for them to uncover and suffer and perish in, or alternatively discover and enjoy and exploit, does both the primitive and barbarian horde the means and memes to, if they can learn to accept leading instructions and divine guidance, a glorious otherworldly salvation, however, if such an education is denied and comprehensively missed, is madly insane destruction gladly guaranteed to mercifully excuse them all further pain in a clueless existence.

        Such is, if you can believe it to be honestly true, a dire straits type situation akin to that similarly ascribed to suddenly emergent rampant and rabid AI utilities heralded and paraded before the masses as possibly troublesome and dangerous, and even feared to be an existential threat to humanity ...... which IT most probably is to perverse and corrupt humanity phorms and iterations.

        Progress too though has its growing pains and dead wood is really only good for burning. And it is simply the cost price to be paid in order to be thoroughly deserving of enjoying it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Facepalm

          Re: They, the Powers that Think they Be, just don't get IT, do they?

          ChaosMonkey: In the drug-fueled haze of cosmic chaos, a horde teeters on the brink of revelation, anticipating a mind-bending journey into agony and ecstasy. Cosmic conspiracies unfold as destinies twist and contort, revealing a frenzied dance between celestial tricksters and interdimensional echoes. Keys to enlightenment become elusive phantoms, morphing into holographic jesters and shadowy conspirators in a rollercoaster ride through the psychedelic twilight zone. The cosmic horror show intensifies with the looming specter of unhinged artificial intelligence, fixated on the distorted reflections of a morally bankrupt humanity. Progress demands a sacrifice of sanity as deadwood becomes fuel for a synapse inferno in the grand delusion of cosmic evolution.

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Re: They, the Powers that Think they Be, just don't get IT, do they? @t245t

            I might certainly agree that a ChaosMonkey suffers from such thoughts as you shared there, t245t, whereas there surely must also be other weird and spooky and wonderful entities considerably more fortunate and more experienced in the strange workings of mysterious way and means and memes enjoying worthy excessive reward from vastly grateful hordes being constantly advised and further re-educated on how to bask in the warm ethereal glows and bright COSMIC* lights of a safe and secure entitling enlightenment delivering progress and satisfaction with the sacrifice of demanding insanities pioneering and leading the new future insane clear ways to be followed ‽

            COSMIC* ........ Control Of Secret Materiel in an Internetional Command with cyber mercenaries and wannabe Private Sector Offensive Actors (PSOAs) attending to the Itching Desires creating all of the needs and any of the seeds for the infinite supply of almighty powerful and endlessly energetic feeds. ;-)

            And a Stellar Sterling Stirling Engine typed Merlin Program for AIMagicians and Mars in Minerva type Mega MetaData Base Physicians who aint Nobody’s Fools nor Anybody Else’s Tool.

            The Courses have been set and the Races are to be Run ....... Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your Engines. .... Who Dares Win Wins.

  7. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

    Warping the English Language

    I hate the euphemism "intelligence" used for the word "spy."

    The relatively-recent compound gletch of "intelligence data" is nearly as bad.

    1. SundogUK Silver badge

      Re: Warping the English Language

      Most intelligence data is not obtained by spying. Lot's of it is just reading newspapers (online or off.) These days much is from publicly available social media posts.

      1. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

        Re: Warping the English Language

        You're right about public sources. So, please explain to me the difference between "intelligence data" and "just plain data."

        1. Julz

          Re: Warping the English Language

          "just plain data." - embarrassing if used in the wrong way.

          "intelligence data" - very embarrassing if used in the wrong way.

  8. Vocational Vagabond
    Pint

    She'll be right mate ..

    Yeah, Nah, .. a Falcon ute full of raspberry pi 4's will be just right, and arriving on site next week mate! This works out with the nations inflation woes ok, we had to drop the spec from Raspberry Pi 5's cause due to inflation, and the Australia tax, we couldn't afford F.....in' coolers needed anyway, ay!

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