back to article BOFH: 'What's an NFT?' the Boss asks. In this case, 'not financially thoughtful'

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "These NFT things," the Boss says, attempting a smooth segue from our topic to his favourite – how to make cash with no effort. "Yes?" "What are they exactly?" "Non-Fungible Tokens." "Yes, I know that, but what does it mean?" "I think the main thing is that it's non-fungible." "You …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I swear ...

    ... that Simon works for the same company as I do. We had a very similar discussion yesterday ...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: I swear ...

      Have you checked the basement carpark recently? I should go down there now and have a quick look, see if there are any clues. Don't use the lift though. Or the stairs, come to think of it... No, on second thoughts, ask someone else to pop down there, tell them they're looking for old safes, bags of quickline, carpets, suspiciously burnt out vans...

      Um, you didn't tell them to do that in the lift right? Or any areas with cameras or listening devices? Or near anywhere that serves bhajis?

      Actually just make a run for it. It's the only way to be safe. No! Don't use the main door! That'll probably be booby trapped. No! Not the carpark either. Stay out of the lift! What he'll never suspect iis if you head for the fifth floor. Now, see that open window there? The one just above the conveniently placed skip? Climb out of that. I'm sure you can find a drainpipe to slide down. Watch out for the brackets that have been cut through... Oh never mind, I'm sure you'll find them yourself...

      1. John G Imrie

        Re: I swear ...

        Sounds like an updated training run for the final Exam of the Assassins Guild, Ankh Morpork

      2. A.P. Veening Silver badge

        Re: I swear ...

        Don't use the lift though. Or the stairs, come to think of it... No, on second third thoughts,

        FTFY, both an off by one and the obligatory PTerry ref.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I swear ...

        I would recommend that you AVOID the basement car park on off chance that you are never heard from again.

        1. Blackjack Silver badge

          Re: I swear ...

          The Rombas have never been the same since that last software update. The good news is that if you shit yourself they will get distracted and smear the shit everywhere so you have time to escape.

      4. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: I swear ...

        Just leave a 50 quid note under the foot of your computer monitor as a contribution to the BOFH beer fund. He doesn't usually care about the foot-folk unless they cross him.

    2. Ozan

      Re: I swear ...

      Linkedin says that he is working at Waikato Innovation Park Limited right now.

  2. BebopWeBop
    Trollface

    I could see where this was going

    And I have burnt my pile of newspapers and photographed the ash just in case....

    1. BebopWeBop

      Re: I could see where this was going

      Can I number them and sell each as a limited edition?

      1. Ken G Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: I could see where this was going

        If you feel that's Justified.

        1. Evil Scot

          Re: I could see where this was going

          Maybe I am getting old. But...

          I want a Mr. Whippy and a flake.

          1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: I could see where this was going

            I would prefer a 99 and a flake, but I suppose some people do want to be a bit murderous with the icecream man chime on the Mr Whippy vans going off at annoying times

            1. Charlie Clark Silver badge
              Coat

              Re: I could see where this was going

              A 99 is with a flake! Don't you people know nothing?

              1. TRT Silver badge

                Re: I could see where this was going

                A '99 with a flake' is actually a 'Bunny Ears', if you think about t it. And if you DO think about t it... then suddenly you want one and your ears will be tuning in for the sound of Greensleeves / Popeye / Whistle While You Work / O Sole Mio...

        2. Korev Silver badge
          Flame

          Re: I could see where this was going

          > If you feel that's Justified.

          And ancient too…

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: I could see where this was going

      Actually, I didn't. It's so long since I dealt with actual cash that I forgot that the new notes are all plastic.

  3. Maverick

    well played Simon

    "has value, but doesn't – like an SCO licence"

    1. stiine Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: well played Simon

      I think the people next-door heard me laugh out loud at that line. Brilliant!!!!!

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: well played Simon

      The other day I came across an article on how to dd an old SCO disk and turn it into a VM. I think I'll dic out my old dual boot SCO laptop and try it for old times sake.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: well played Simon

        "The other day I came across an article on how to dd an old SCO disk and turn it into a VM. I think I'll dic out my old dual boot SCO laptop and try it for old times sake."

        I did that with my Amiga 1200 during lockdown. Good luck and have some nostalgic fun!

        (ok, I'm using an emulator, not a VM, before the pedants jump in!)

    3. SealTeam6

      Re: well played Simon

      I worked for SCO for 12 years right up to the time it went down the toilet, so I find that line extremely funny.

  4. Chris G

    Historically

    The first purchaser of the first NFT was an emperor AFAIK.

    Subsequent purchasers are equally as astute.

    1. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Historically

      But it was such fine material! Such soft and fine material!

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Historically

      Oh. I didn't realise NFT stood for: No Fucking Trousers...

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Historically

        And even the torched cash example has been done before, over 25 years ago.

        There's nothing new in the world, especially when it comes to art and gullability.

        Fungible link

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Historically

          Fungible the Bogeyman?

          1. Manx Cat

            Re: Historically

            How about fuck this game - you can have my NFT for an actual receipt of Gold (pry from my fingers blah blah...)

            I thought there was a shortage of energy/power going on?

        2. BOFH in Training Bronze badge

          Re: Historically

          hah! Beat me to it.

          Was just thinking of this when I was reading the story and it was too much to hope that nobody else thought of the klf.

        3. stiine Silver badge

          Re: Historically

          Stephen King released a book in which the ink began to fade when the page was exposed to air, meaning that it could only be read once, so technically, when you bought it it wasn't fungible, but if you read it and skipped two pages then technically it will be unique but the only way to prove it (short of an xray/mri scan) would be the open it, wiping that last pair of pages.

  5. Herby

    Value??

    Yes, sleepless nights in Sillycon Valley, and surely that is VERY non fungible. Have it for (enter value here) in bitcoin.

    Remember, it only has value if you can get someone to pay for it, or someone thinks it is worth something in exchange.

    And then there is paper money......

    I've got to go to bed. ZzZzZ...

  6. b0llchit Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Visionary comments

    I want to sell NFTs too! All must go! It is a good deal!

    Please, start bidding on my collection of cynical remarks here on the forum. I want to cash out before any of my written ramblings become outdated or any of my remarks actually inspire new forms of government.

  7. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Flame

    Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

    Someone was bound to get burnt, and it wasn't going to be Simon

    Great episode again

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

      Not enough upside yet. Presumably the sequel shows how a video of the whole thing was made. And why go for the uncertainty of an NFT when you can blackmail?

      1. stiine Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

        Torching currency is a crime, right?

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Re: Some NFTs are just too hot to handle

          Yes, defacing coin of the realm is a crime. But why would the BOFH want law enforcement involved? They might start poking their truncheons where they shouldn't.

  8. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
    Pint

    Excellent. Will mature with time too. :)

    And with a financially-poorer Bossly Unit too.

    And now, it's time for ---->

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    Fooling the Boss!

    Like shooting fish in a barrel!

  10. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    You are in a maze of twisty turny passages

    ... all alike.

  11. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge
    Pint

    Bravo, Simon. What next? The Realisation of Fact from Fiction for Crash Testing Dummies.

    That was the NFT Magic Roundabout accurately well described to a Mr T. Was a Friday the 13th ever better servered?

    And definitely worth at least another one of these Register favourites ------------------------->

    Cheers/На здоровье/干杯/Zum Wohl/Sláinte.

  12. lybad
    Joke

    Turings?

    Had to google that one - living in Scotland I'm not likely to see many of them. They're likely to be treated as dodgy cos they're not issued by a Scottish bank.

    1. Ochib

      Re: Turings?

      Like Scottish notes in England

      living in England and I'm not likely to see many of them. They're likely to be treated as dodgy cos they're not issued by a English bank

      1. My-Handle Silver badge

        Re: Turings?

        Whereas in NI we'll accept pretty much anything as long as it has a £ on it somewhere.

        Seriously, we have something like three or four versions of each note, depending which bank printed it.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Turings?

          And back in the day the Punt was at parity with the £ so those were accepted as well.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Turings?

            Eire, where the currency rhymes with Bank Manager in the vernacular

      2. lybad

        Re: Turings?

        Exactly. That was my point.

        Goodness knows what an English based person would say to a Scottish £100 or £1 note.

        1. David Woodhead

          Re: Turings?

          Goodness knows what an English based person would say to a Scottish £100 or £1 note.

          "Hello Mr £100 note. Would you like to come home with me?"

          1. stiine Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Turings?

            No, no, no. More like 'would you like to come have a drink with me?'

            1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

              Re: Turings?

              A single beer can be rather too expensive, but £100? Not quite hit that point yet...

      3. Joe 37

        Re: Turings?

        Still happens - took me about an hour to persuade a Co-op in London that a Scottish fiver was actually cash. Even when I got bored and offered to pay by card even though it was only 4 pints of milk I was buying.

        I suppose fungible is as fungible does...

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