back to article BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "It's a clear-cut case of licence blindness," I say to the Boss. "What now?" he chips back. "Licence blindness. It's a term based on software licensing. Like when you're installing some software or another and a window appears with a scrolling box full of text in the background and …

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  1. Alligator

    BOFH O'clock

    A great start to a Friday... Mine's a Lexus LM!

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: BOFH O'clock

      Have your day's Onion Bhaji and associated drink to keep you going until the end of the day

      1. Number6

        Re: BOFH O'clock

        You will need a car with a good ventilation system if you're eating the onion bhajis in it.

  2. Fursty Ferret

    >> They told us that our public wireless is less secure than James Dean's seatbelt

    Saving that for personal use.

    1. Ordinary Donkey

      It certainly beats my "Less secure than a twenty on the floor outside the pub"

      1. Mishak Silver badge

        Unlike the £1 coin...

        That someone I knew glued to the pavement (sidewalk in the US) so they could spend the day watching passers-by trying to pick it up through the street-level window in front of his desk.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

          Parking a Volkswagen Beetle so the wheel traps a third of a £20 note? Impossible to get out without ripping the note into un-usability that even a bank wouldn't exchange. That was good until one bloke came back with 3 chums the size of brick shit houses who could lift the car up enough to ease the note out.

          1. dak

            Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQBPQak2Ef4

          2. Brian 3

            Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

            actually one average adult can get that 20 quid note - just bounce the car on it's suspension and it will hop right up, use your shoe to tug it out as the pressure lifts. I do it with hoses and extension cords all the time, works well with most smallish cheap models

        2. KittenHuffer Silver badge

          Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

          1. Try to pick up the coin

          2. Kick the coin breaking the glue, and sent it shooting off in front of you

          3. Profit!

          1. astfgl
            Happy

            Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

            1. Notice the small amount of epoxy leaking out from under one side and walk right past.

            2. Come back the next morning with a chisel and hammer.

            3. Profit!

        3. Grunchy Bronze badge

          Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

          Some guy cemented a 2012 nickle on top of a barricade post at the automobile auction, and left it there for years.

          I finally noticed it one day and 30 seconds later had it in my pocket!

          It's because I've got a POCKET KNIFE and I am an EXTREME CHISELER.

        4. Blackjack Silver badge

          Re: Unlike the £1 coin...

          Eh, you try that around here and the coin, and maybe a bit of the pavement, is gone the next day.

    2. Potemkine! Silver badge

      His Spyder was not equipped with seatbelts. It may explain why they weren't secure

      1. Rol

        Sometimes ignorance is preferable, like in when I found the sitcom "President of the United States" to be the most hilarious thing on TV, until I discovered it wasn't a creation of Rickie Gervais, but in fact A reality TV show run by Fox. It was about that time I started stocking up on essentials like bog paper and assorted weapons.

        1. Potemkine! Silver badge

          And sometimes the opposite is true. A friend of mine was zapping on TV and went to watch the movie "Man Bites Dog", thinking it was a documentary and not a fiction. He was quite shocked until he discovered the truth.

          1. Blackjack Silver badge

            Actually there are real documented cases of people biting dogs... is just that the real cases are too boring to make a movie about them.

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Thumb Up

    Brilliant, just briliant

    Simon is on form these days!

  4. MisterHappy
    Facepalm

    People do need to be told

    Unfortunately people do need to be told not to punch a hole through their door access card, the card that also works for 2FA & to tap on the printer to release their prints.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: People do need to be told

      Something I used to do frequently to disable the NFC in smart bank cards back in the days when I was paranoid about the frankly absent security on the system.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: People do need to be told

        Well, it's still as unsafe as heck but they've worn you down by now, conveniently using Covid as the excuse. And cracked up the allowable authorisation in the process to "help" you getting into debt quicker.

        1. EnviableOne Silver badge

          Re: People do need to be told

          I have a long-range NFC antenna that will just about fit in a record bag and a card machine I can connect it to.

          I wonder how many carriages I can get through before someone notices I am taking £100 off every card on the train...

          1. Hero Protagonist

            Re: People do need to be told

            Now don’t get greedy, that’s how you get caught. Limit yourself to £5 and people won’t notice, or if they do, the amount is too small to to be worth enduring their bank’s automated customer service to report it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: People do need to be told

      We use some RFID stickers* for printers and 2FA as well. I went on holiday to DisneyWorld a couple of years ago where they had wristbands for getting into the parks, hotel rooms purchasing meals etc. I was looking at it, thinking obviously it's some form of RFID - will it work with the printers and PC's at the office....

      It did - so now I have the "coolest" Mickey Mouse RFID wristband (do a search for Disney magic bands).

      * - cheap and nasty things - left one in the car overnight and it stopped working....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: People do need to be told

        edit - missed the 10 min cooldown

        I also tried other devices as well - and found that my mobile phone, and supermarket loyalty card also worked with the printer and 2FA reader as well

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: People do need to be told

          I've picked up a card somewhere that alleges to mess up RFID comms when mixed in with other credit cards - not sure if it works yet (people look at you funny when you start fumbling with cards come time payment) and wondering *how* it works - RFID loop powered jamming?

          1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

            Re: People do need to be told

            Not sure exactly how it works, but it does. At least for 'normal' readers. I suspect a Faraday-ish construction.

          2. keith_w

            Re: People do need to be told

            supposedly my wallet blocks RFID. Haven't tested it yet, but neither have I had any unexplained losses.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: People do need to be told

              neither have I had any unexplained losses

              So you're not married?

              :)

              (anonymous for safety reasons)

      2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: People do need to be told

        but the wristband was ok though.......

    3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: People do need to be told

      I seem to recall* Simon & the PFY punching holes in their access card's, so their movements couldn't be tracked through the building.

      *No sooner said than swindled....... https://www.theregister.com/2004/07/19/bofh_2004_episode_23/

    4. Shalghar

      Re: People do need to be told

      I remember a reoccuring internet meme where the free condom for safe activities is pinned right through the middle of the packaging.

      Its a neverending fight of oblivious versus obvious while obvious keeps losing a tad too much for my taste.

  5. macjules
    Coffee/keyboard

    "our public wireless is less secure than James Dean's seatbelt"

    That should be copyrighted. I am most definitely going to use that from now on.

    1. Irony Deficient Silver badge

      That should be copyrighted.

      If Simon wrote that in a country that is a party to the Berne Convention (most countries are), it was automatically copyrighted at the moment it was first “fixed” (i.e. written/typed/carved/recorded/&c.).

  6. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

    License terms and conditions are akin to bracelets and baubles and handcuffs restricting free movement and further open discussion and random and/or rogue and/or renegade rapid engagement of novel vulnerabilities subsequently discovered as inequitable and designedly self-serving rather than self-servicing.

    Well, they are in secret circles, that's for sure, surely ‽ . But as Simon says, who bothers even reading them before clicking on a Yes, that's perfectly ok today box.

    1. My-Handle Silver badge

      Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

      These are actually becoming harder to enforce these days, specifically if they are unnecessarily long or convoluted. I can't remember which tech company it was, but just to prove a point one of them included a clause along the lines of "you give X_COMPANY the right to use your soul as it sees fit" in the license blindness section of their EULA. A lot of people still ticked the box, and it was several months before a newspaper caught on.

      1. John Riddoch

        Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

        No-one reads them unless they're bored, because they're too bloody long and lawyers often get paid by the word. There's plenty of fodder if you search for "how long to read eula" including the depressing statistic that it would take 76 work days a year to read all the privacy policies. Then they'll change them to give you another chance to read (or ignore...) them and click that you agree.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

          I'm waiting for the day someone puts on an alert box triggered by the tick box action that pops up and tells the user they're a total liar and that they never read it and certainly didn't understand it, but fine, at least they agreed to it.

          Bonus points if the tick box action can then cause their IoT doorbell to ring and inject video footage of the Monty Python Organ Donor collections team...

          1. Alan Brown Silver badge

            Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

            a paragraph about moose bites might be amusing

            1. David Robinson 1

              Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

              A Møøse once bit my sister... No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

                We apologize for the fault in the comments. Those responsible have been sacked.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

                  Thanks for that, I had a very hard week and only your last comment finally managed to trigger the right synapses to bring back where that came from.

                  The richness of what Monty Python and other early comedy groups like the Goons and the Rowan Atkinson lot with Not the Nine O'Clock News have donated to English culture is impossible to overstate.

                  Speaking of which, my absolute favourite moment was when Not the Nine O'Clock News took the absolute mick out of the controversy surrounding Monty Python's Life of Brian. Enjoy this work of art once more, and have a nice weekend :)

                  1. A.P. Veening Silver badge
                    Pint

                    Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

                    Those links deserve a lot more than just an upvote from me, have a ======>

                  2. SCP

                    Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

                    My favourite was the comedy gold of Cleese, Palin, Stockwood, & Muggeridge debating Life of Brian. It led to one of Palin's best [IMHO] comebacks during one of the exchanges:

                    Muggeridge: I started off by saying that this is such a tenth rate film that I don't believe it would disturb anybody's faith.

                    Palin: Yes, I know you started with an open mind. I realize that.

                    [ref pt4 1:40]

                    But the whole thing is classic. The sad part is that as appalling as the performances of Stockwood and Muggeridge were the conduct of the debate is still head and shoulders above much of the current day levels of discourse.

                2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                  Pint

                  Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

                  Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti...

          2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Box Tickers Anonymous United ....... Fielding FailSafe Security Services

            Proper postmen always ring at least twice when delivering advice or seeking deliverance.

            That's an Interesting Door to be answering for AWEsome goodies to Share/Sell/LendLease/Export/Import.

            Who Dares Win Wins to Never Ever Again Lose/Fail.

            Cheltenham Station X Fare Ware with Advanced IntelAIgent Source and Force Protection.

            :-) Crikey, a Zimmerman Telegram BetaTesting Earthly Resources for Future Worthy Capabilities.

        2. swm Silver badge

          Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

          The ULAs are impossible to read in their tiny boxes and there is no way to print them out.

      2. Antonius_Prime
        Devil

        Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

        Apple have a clause for the iTunes one. You can't use the code to develop bio weapons.

        https://www.apple.com/legal/internet-services/itunes/dev/stdeula/

        Go search for it!

        :D

        1. H in The Hague Silver badge

          Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

          "Apple have a clause for the iTunes one. You can't use the code to develop bio weapons."

          About a year or so ago I got a few cans of paint from a Sigma paint trade counter here in NL. Much to my surprise the invoice included a clause to the effect that I couldn't use their products in nuclear weapons. And that was on the front, not in the small print on the back. Turns out Sigma is part of PPG, an American company. Quite annoying, had to get paint from the DIY superstore instead to paint my nose cones.

      3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Box Tickers Anonymous United .......

        Are you sure it was just to prove a point? I'm fairly sure a good few of them would have meant it.

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