back to article Huge if true... Trump explodes as he learns open source could erode China tech ban

The Register has obtained the following transcript of a recent White House conversation between US President Donald Trump and advisors regarding the ban on American technology reaching Huawei. We, of course, cannot reveal our sources. Having said that, we were tipped off to the existence of a since-deleted GitHub repo …

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  1. lglethal Silver badge
    Trollface

    Nahh this is obviously a fake, I mean no one got fired, and Trump didn't send even one single tweet during the entire meeting!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And I've not heard of any new laws banning open sauce software usage without a permit from each and every one of our great 48 United States of America!

      This would be step one if he caught smelly wind of this!

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
        Mushroom

        re: great 48 United States...

        Wot! Has Trumpo sold off Hawaii and Alaska and didn't tell anyone? Was that money going to be use to buy Greenland?

        Fox News demands to know!

        Seriously, I really do hope he explodes before November. But there again, the GOP might just keep him president after all dead people can still vote in many US States.

        1. Louis Schreurs Bronze badge

          Re:

          My first thought reading the title;

          It’s a shame people can explode also figuratively, not only literaly.

          1. Anne-Lise Pasch

            Re: Re:

            If Scanners were real, Trump would've exploded long ago.

            1. TheRealRoland

              Re: Re:

              Blipverts

            2. jelabarre59 Silver badge

              Re: Re:

              Wow, someone who even remembers that film? (a shame the great Patrick McGoohan had to act alongside Michael Ironside, who can drag nearly any production down)

        2. JakeMS
          Mushroom

          Re: re: great 48 United States...

          Indeed!

          El Presidente Trump has announced Hawaii sounds far too much like that evil Huawei so has sold it to Richard Branson.

          As for Alaska, well that's just too much like Alexa and often confuses El Presidente Trump. As such, it had to go off to Larry.

        3. Fungus Bob Silver badge

          Re: re: great 48 United States...

          Trump doesn't consider New York and Michigan to be _GREAT_ states...

        4. AdamWill

          Re: re: great 48 United States...

          "Wot! Has Trumpo sold off Hawaii and Alaska and didn't tell anyone? Was that money going to be use to buy Greenland?"

          Shh, don't tell anyone, but - yeah, he did. I bought them. I'm planning to buy a really big angle grinder and a really big tugboat and have them switch places, just for the lulz.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      All of the sentences were also coherent.

      1. Christopher Reeve's Horse

        Re: About Time

        And not only coherent, but also indicative of some form of rational processing of the prior statement. That's the dead giveaway.

        1. Blazde

          Re: About Time

          I'm imagining it went more like this..

          Trade Advisor: I expect you're going to ask me whether since we passed this new law any of our companies are doing business with Huawei.

          Trade Advisor: The answer is No, Mr Pres...

          Trump: That's great. I'm great. We won a really great victory. I think my car is here. We should play golf sometime when this whole uh trade thing is over. Bye-bye.

          Technology Advisor: ...

    3. Lotaresco Silver badge

      "Nahh this is obviously a fake,"

      Obvious fake indeed. Everyone knows that Trump doesn't eat burgers. He has hamberders washed down with covfefe.

      1. Someone Else Silver badge
        Coffee/keyboard

        Stop it, Dammit! - - - >

      2. jospanner

        lmao gottem

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1% are the 1%

    Fox News: "Corona Virus may only kill 1% of people, its a Democrat plot that will go away after the elections, masks are a gateway Sharia law, mail-in ballots are a coup!!"

    1% Old Fat Rich Fox News Viewer: "Oooo we must fund Republican lawsuits undermining stay-at-home orders, and blocking mail-in ballots, and undermining Hawaii successful quarantine. My Yacht in in Hawaii, I can't go to Hawaii if its overrun by dem Democrats!"

    They don't realize that the people we're talking about killing, are *them*: Fat people, old people, ill people. Them and a bunch of others. People could wear the masks but, well, it is *only* old people and I'm not old! It's *only* ill people and I'm not ill. It's *only* fat people and I'm just big boned!

    The 1% are the 1%.

    It's a weird disconnect. All that power money and influence they have, once they're dead they have nothing, they become nothing. And yet they're using it to undermine themselves.

    Republicans work for the 1%, and divide the 99% into groups to hold power. "Vote for us: We hate the people you, [#1], hate, those lying: [#2]". They do targetted marketing both to #1 and #2, and sometime #1 is the hate group of #2 and sometimes #2 is the hate group of #1.

    And now #1 is the rich old people who need to die so #2 the young people, can live. The targetted hate group is also Republicans biggest sponsors.

    How is their quarantine going? Is Palm Beach nice? Trump couldn't even keep Corona Virus out of the Whitehouse, you think he can keep it out of Mar-a-Lago next door to you? Do you think he cares about you? No. Me neither.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Thailand is opening up

      Non-food markets were open since Friday, shopping malls opened on Sunday, there has been only 3 new case so far. Pools opened. Masks are compulsory and temperature checks at the entrances are enforced.

      It's mostly working, there was a cluster of non-mask wearers at Taladrodfai in the back corner of the market that should be tackled. Ikea at an out of town mall, was swamped and had to close.

      When you're clear of Corona Virus, you should open *mid* week and open lots of things to give lots of choice to spread people out. Not Sunday as a *partial* opening to concentrate them in!

      Malls took contact details at the entrance, if there is a super-spreader outbreak at the mall traced back to that day, you will be notified. This needs work, the queue to get in, itself was a spread risk.

      Restaurant have separating partitions in the middle, those are ridiculous, the people at one table are a social group, any partition needs to be *between* tables, not between diners in a single group.

      People are cooperating, things are getting busy quickly. People have confidence in the virus handling, the stock market is rising on the confidence of that. Things are recovering fast.

      Plans are ongoing on how to open up between uninfected countries. The ones doing the quarantines are rushing to finish with hard lockdown so they can join the clean group.

      If UK wants to have this success *faster*, they need to quarantine *harder*. Don't open prematurely, that's not the way to do it, it only prolongs the pain. Isolate harder, ask for that last determined push to clear the virus and then you're done. The optimism that confidence brings will bounce the economy back quicker.

      In Thailand this is possible because everyone wants to save their people. Wearing a mask is trivial next to the death of a loved one, even if its not your loved one that dies. IT'S JUST A MASK KAREN.

      UK this is still possible, you do have a society too, people will work to save the boomers.

      USA? Well Republicans and their division shit are kicking off again. Clearly heading for a second wave.

      1. TonkaToys

        Re: Thailand is opening up

        How is Thailand handling incoming visitors? Are they quarantined or traced?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Thailand is opening up

          Non-residents are banned from entering the country. Residents are quarantined on entering.

          The people already here that could not return home, because their flights were closed, got automatic visa extension (currently to end of July). They are subject to quarantine.

          I think there is still one Russia living/working at temple, obeying quarantine. He ran out of money and is waiting for his flights to reopen.

          They're trying to work out the plan on what to do next. I am not party to the discussions on the tourism plans, the only proposal that's been made public is a special 'long stay' visa available to clean countries. That proposal was received with skepticism.

      2. lglethal Silver badge
        Go

        Re: Thailand is opening up

        "Non-food markets were open since Friday, shopping malls opened on Sunday, there has been only 3 new case so far. "

        Yeah you're not going to see new cases until 2 weeks later. That's the whole thing that makes Corona so dangerous as a pandemic - for 2 weeks before people start showing any signs of illness, they're highly infectious.

        If 3 weeks after you've started opening up you've still got no cases, THEN you can say you're probably in the clear. Declaring now that your good. Is jumping the gun just a bit...

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Thailand is opening up

          "Yeah you're not going to see new cases until 2 weeks later. "

          Didn't I just read that Texas has reported a large spike in positive tests 2 weeks after opening up? What's most worrying about the US is that it seems Republican states were the slowest to lockdown and the fastest to re-open and so most likely to have a second wave. I really hope it doesn't happen because using party politics in this sort of situation will lead to more deaths.

          1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

            Re: Thailand is opening up

            Even if Trump were standing in a field piled high with dead bodies; many would choose to believe he had done a great job, that everything was just fine, that he was the best president, ever.

            This is what collective insanity looks like.

          2. AK565

            Re: Thailand is opening up

            Agreed. The problem appears to be the word "so" in your second sentence. Most Americans don't have the background knowledge of how common sickness spreads therefore it's unlikely the cause/effect relationship you're pointing out will be understood or accepted.

            More basic is that many Americans can't / won't process the fact that the spread of disease is not contingent upon what humans understand or accept.

            Of course this makes no sense. Yet, here we are.

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Thailand is opening up

              "Agreed. The problem appears to be the word "so" in your second sentence. Most Americans don't have the background knowledge of how common sickness spreads therefore it's unlikely the cause/effect relationship you're pointing out will be understood or accepted."

              Ah, thanks for that. Now I understand why calling it a plot by the Democrats works for Trump voters.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          This is not the first opening phase

          This is not the first opening phase. Phase 1: Food markets, and floating markets with hawker food stalls were open since ~8th. The borders between provinces were opened up depending on the province, so the strays cases have tended to link back to migrant workers returning from the Phuket's border opening.

          This is the malls opening phase, which is a biggy. The cautious thumbs up for it is based on the masks and compliance with distancing.

          This is explains the registration app:

          https://www.bangkokpost.com/thailand/general/1920148/ccsa-satisfied-with-mall-reopening-day

          I don't carry a phone and gave a contact number to a person who wrote it down.

          This is "The Register" Thai version:

          https://www.khaosodenglish.com/

          This is the outcome, the where, who, by age, by gender, by pre-existing condition, by province, breakdown of the people who caught it:

          http://203.157.41.228/t/CENTER/views/ncd_covid-19/sheet0

          China, Hong Kong, Macau, and South Korea have been removed from the "Corona Virus Diseased Countries" list. Now they have it under control.

          So you get a little bubble of information in the UK, perhaps this can help you see a broader picture. See that this could be you, and first you just have to shed the virus which needs a last final push.

    2. vtcodger Silver badge

      Re: 1% are the 1%

      It's *only* fat people and I'm just big boned!

      Nonsense! Your weight is fine. It's your height. You're too short.

      (Joke borrowed from Neil Gaiman -Neverwhere I think.

      I'll return it. I promise)

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: 1% are the 1%

        Gaiman wasn't born when that joke was first aired.

        1. Zippy´s Sausage Factory

          Re: 1% are the 1%

          My guess is that joke is Goon Show era. Probably said by Milligan (as Eccles) to Secombe, as that's the voice my brain used when reading it.

          1. PerlyKing Silver badge
            Go

            Re: 1% are the 1%

            The Goons probably borrowed it from the Marx Brothers, recycling is nothing new!

            Ying tong iddle aye po!

          2. Warm Braw Silver badge

            Re: 1% are the 1%

            Seagoon: I was 6 ft 3 when I was young, but I was struck by a lift.

            The Mystery of the Fake Neddie Seagoon.

    3. sisk

      Re: 1% are the 1%

      Yeah, at the beginning of this I thought the Republicans were likely in trouble because of Covid. It disproportionately kills older people, and what age group is most likely to vote Republican? I dunno though, we'll see come November.

    4. Blank Reg

      Re: 1% are the 1%

      "They don't realize that the people we're talking about killing, are *them"

      It's not just the 1%, Fox viewers and trump supporters are disproportionally at higher risk due to them being well above the median age of the general population

  3. steviebuk Silver badge

    Obviously...

    ...fake news as not once did he mention the "Super duper missile"

  4. hitmouse

    Make American Garnish Again

    (in the voice of Maxwell Smart) It's the old east-west technology ketchup game.

    1. Robert Moore
      Happy

      Re: Make American Garnish Again

      I totally read that in Maxwell Smart's voice.

      I wonder if Get Smart is available on any streaming service. Off I go to check.

  5. Barrie Shepherd

    Brilliant - could be a script for a revival of Spitting Images's "The Presidents Brain is Missing".

    1. Kevin Johnston

      I'm confused, how can you say something has gone missing when there is no evidence it was ever there? Is this some Chinese inspired bigly conspiracy?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Not missing.

        Just incredibly small and hiding somewhere lower down!

        1. Chris G Silver badge

          Just incredibly small and smarter than the body, becausevit doesn't want to go back into that orange head.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Spitting Image

      That's what we need now. Some decent satire to lighten the days/weeks/months.

      But obviously no real spitting allowed. That is reserved for the Premier League Prima Donna's.

      1. Martin an gof Silver badge

        Re: Spitting Image

        Whatever you think of the man himself, Charlie Brooker had a good stab at the satire last week.

        The News Quiz used to be good at this sort of thing, but it's suffering both with a "work from home" production model and a less-than-stellar guest presenter.

        Have I Got News For You is faring a bit better under lockdown than The News Quiz, and The Now Show didn't do too badly either.

        M.

        1. macjules Silver badge

          Re: Spitting Image

          The Newsquiz started suffering when Alan Coren and Richard Ingrams left it.

  6. Da Weezil

    The Ronnie Reagan puppet from back then looks intelligent and statesmanlike next to Trumpty Numpty.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Perhaps what Trump really needs is a Nancy with her hand up his back.

  7. xyz

    Please please please...

    Can we have a Trump icon?

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      Re: Please please please...

      No! No! No!

      The last thing I want is to see his effing mug on this site.

    2. Version 1.0 Silver badge

      Re: Please please please...

      An icon of a pile of dog turds would be much more popular.

      1. Spanners Silver badge
        Go

        Re: Please please please...

        Or a satsuma with little legs and a wig.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Please please please...

          And little hands.

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