back to article London's Met Police splash the cash on e-learning 'cyber' training for 4k staffers

The Metropolitan Police Service dispatched more than 4,000 staff to attend so-called "cyber" training courses over the past two years. The e-learning course "Cyber Crime and Digital Policing – First Responder" was completed by 4,534 employees. Over half were student officers although three detective chief inspectors and four …

  1. KittenHuffer Silver badge


    This must mean the end to cyber and online crime in this country. The police will understand it, recognise it, and be fully trained to solve it!


    It sounds more like cumpulsory online training courses for the new recruits. And it would have just been a bunch of slide and simple questions for them to answer. And probably a final test where they had to score 70% or higher to 'pass'!

    1. Cav Bronze badge

      Re: Wow!

      Let's hope you are nowhere near anything that requires critical analysis with all those assumptions...

  2. jake Silver badge

    Well, seeing as ...

    ... the term "cyber" as a technical term is only used by gullible idiots with zero clues, I'd say The Met is pretty much on course.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well, seeing as ...

      Not true, I had it added to my job title so I'd get more money, so it's used by those in infosec for personal gain too :)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well, seeing as ...

        You're pretty much spot on. 4 Years ago I was an IT Manager, I've since moved between several roles, and now my title is "IT Security Manager". Ironically my day-2-day work is pretty much the same, but salary has almost doubled.

        1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

          Re: Well, seeing as ...

          I put my job title down as "Algorithmic Alchemist and Professional Bit Herder"!

          Although in my present position I've added "Pumpkin Carver Extraordinaire"!

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Well, seeing as ...

            My job title at Bigger Blue was "Boffin at Large"; it was even on my business cards (only because they wouldn't let me use my preferred "Chief Cook & Bottle Washer"). My actual position? Floating Senior Member of the Technical Staff. I wandered from department to department, putting out fires.

      2. macjules

        Re: Well, seeing as ...

        I put my title down as "Systems Engineer, DevOps Specialist and Backend Developer with additional abilities to vacuum floors on the way out at night"*. It is generally known as a "Full Stack Engineer" although nobody seems to know exactly what "Full Stack" means.

        * Subject to the insertion of the correct appliance.

      3. jake Silver badge

        Re: Well, seeing as ...

        "so it's used by those in infosec for personal gain"

        But as a clued-in IT pro you are not using it as an IT technical term. Which was kind of my point.

    2. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: Well, seeing as ...

      "Cyber" was a popular buzzword about 25 years ago. It meant much the same thing that "cloud" means now. I can only assume that someone at Scotland Yard has been in a coma for the past 25 years; or alternatively the course content is covers 1990s technology.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Well, seeing as ...

        Ah. yes, "it happens in the cloud", meaning the speaker has absolutely zero idea how computers and networking actually work. Just eyeball any introduction level textbook on networking theory from the 1980s. Almost all of them have many drawings with a cloud-shaped squiggle to indicate where the "too difficult for management to understand" bits hang out and work their magic. Many advanced level texts from the era also have the cloud squiggle.

        The name "cloud computing" was already a fairly common meme by the time Y2K rolled around. Most of us with some experience in the field tried to stop it, because we could see where it was heading ... marketing-driven beancounters running the centralized computer service bureau again, just like in the mainframe days.

        And here we are. Everybody has a super-computer on their phone (with matching local storage!), and yet the sheeple GreatUnwashed have been brainwashed into thinking that somehow "the cloud" is better/safer/faster than local. The mind absolutely boggles.

    3. Dr Scrum Master

      Re: Well, seeing as ...

      along with "crypto".

      Meanwhile "algo" just bugs me

      1. spold Silver badge

        Re: Well, seeing as ...


        Meanwhile "algo" just bugs me


        I assume you meant Algol - you probably missed a semi-colon;

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The PIRT...

    I passed the Police Initial Recruitment Test, and it was laughably old school. Nothing on cybercrime or anything like it (some logic problems, like describing burglary, but nothing even as high tech as credit card theft)

    Done and pen and paper, natch.

    They could do with making it a bit more modern re: cybercrime and any crime that involves for the normal constables, but a small step would be heaving forward to modern crimes. I mean, one of the questions involved a milkman...

    Anon as I'm not stupid (though I may return to the scene of this crime)

  5. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    If the Naked Truth be Told .. Is it an Uphill Task of Sisyphusian Dimension? ... Revised Version

    The Met and all similar services have a hell and a heck of a lot to learn about who and/or what is and where are cyber criminals based and highly prized as much valued most valuable residents? Can you think of anywhere special and realistic on Earth?

    We wish them [the Met and similar others] well in the experimental experience though ..... for it is sure to be a right rocky road every sure step of the way.

    A few words of advice to the likes of the Met and similar others ...... Be Aware and Beware of Emerging Ill Mental Health Problems in Volunteered Forces and Spent Official Sources. The Attrition Rate in Many a Theatre of Operations is Extremely High.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: If the Naked Truth be Told .. Is it an Uphill Task of Sisyphusian Dimension? ... Revised Version

      "where are cyber criminals based and highly prized as much valued most valuable residents?"

      Lagos? St. Petersburg?

  6. Andy00ff00

    I wish them well

    It's all very well for those of us who've spent 25 years in IT to make snide remarks.

    If you think you could do better, feel free to do your civic duty, take a 50+% pay cut, go and join the police, and improve things.

    Yes I'm sure the force has its faults - like every organisation. But there are a lot of good eggs doing a good job that I couldn't do if I wanted to.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: I wish them well

      Or more like, join the police and deal with loads of politics and government bureucracy.

  7. NonSSL-Login

    Cyber means on the interwebz

    Police already spend way too much time dealing with people offended by comments made on social media, be it twitter or facebook.

    I assume this cyber training is how to do deal with these easy cleanup rate + good for stats 'hate crimes' a bit faster as cyber does just mean something on the internet to them. They will be taught how to make requests to service providers and how to be a voyeur over your ICR (Internet connection records) but I doubt there will be any actual real cyber crime training.

    The police need to stop spending limited resources attending obvious joke twitter comments or the 5th time a persistent caller calls about a comment they take offence too, even when its not directed at them, and that old age saying 'catch real criminals'.

  8. quartzz

    does this mean that next time I submit something to Action Fraud, I'll get a reply or even an acknowledgement that my submitted data exists? w w w . a c t i o n f r a u d . p o l i c e . u k . don't answer. hangon. you didn't. (by the way, it would be really, really amazing, if action fraud also bought up .com and domains. so know....people over 60 (or something) don't get really strange websites when they type in a website url they don't know exists. just. you know. webbernet stuff)

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But they can get it for Free

    Cyber training is available for free to Gov staff.

    So can they get our money back?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon