back to article BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "...Oh yes, I was reading the white paper on that just this morning," I lie. I hardly ever read white papers. I mean, if the white paper were titled: "How to get two lagers for the price of one," I might be more inclined to do so, but when it's entitled "The end of passwords" and is so …

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  1. Herby

    Sounds like...

    A S**t storm to me. Pay toilets all around.

    1. A K Stiles Silver badge

      Re: Sounds like...

      For the love of all that is sacred - Sshhhhh! Don't be giving them any more ideas - especially not a certain budget airline...

      1. AlbertH

        Re: Sounds like...

        Too late. They've already tried that one!

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Sounds like...

      Excuse me, I'm just off to spend a penny...

      1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser

        Re: Sounds like...

        Not in this day and age! You're not off to "spend a penny". You're simply Euronating

      2. big_D Silver badge
        Flame

        Re: Sounds like...

        That will be ten quid, sir.

        Burning it isn't free, but better than putting it through the shredder... Security, you know.

    3. AmenFromMars

      Re: Sounds like...

      Wouldn't surprise me if Crapita charged their employees to use the, erm, crapper.

  2. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Unbelievable

    And quite unexpected.

    A great start to a Friday.

  3. steelpillow Silver badge
    Coat

    "an ongoing revenue stream"

    I dunno, it may look like a gravy train, but...

    1. John G Imrie

      Re: "an ongoing revenue stream"

      More like the King of the Golden River

      1. Patrician
        Pint

        Re: "an ongoing revenue stream"

        Have a beer for the Disc World reference

        1. Chloe Cresswell

          Re: "an ongoing revenue stream"

          Don't worry, it'll be recycled soon... :)

        2. Whatsinitforme
          Pint

          Re: "an ongoing revenue stream"

          All, may I please remind you all that today is INTERNATIONAL BEER DAY.

          So if you don't mind, I'm off to the pub. And if you do mind, I'm still off to the pub.

          Cheers!

          1. Nitallica
            Pint

            Re: "an ongoing revenue stream"

            Have one for me!

  4. BOFHfollower

    Check everyday

    I check the register everyday for the latest tech news etc, but am always looking for a new BOFH episode, its like checking your bank balance to see if you've been paid.

    Keep them coming Simon

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Check everyday

      You do now you can set up email notifications to tell you?

      Had a nice little message appear saying there was a new BOFH to enjoy (and have the same for Dabbsie's outpourings too).

      1. joeW

        Re: Check everyday

        Sure, if you want to take all the fun out of it...

      2. earl grey
        Trollface

        Re: Check everyday

        "and have the same for Dabbsie's outpourings too"

        Where is our favourite tart?

        1. Shooter

          Re: Check everyday

          "Where is our favourite tart?"

          On holiday for the month of August.

      3. jmch Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Check everyday

        "You do now you can set up email notifications to tell you?"

        I set up the notifications. After a couple of months I realised they were redundant because I check El Reg at least as often as I check my email

  5. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    Tracking...

    Will they keep records of the "transactions" in a log

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Tracking...

      The logs _are_ the transactions.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Tracking...

        I'm not sure I'd be very keen on the idea of log shipping and replication in this architecture though...

        1. theblackhand

          Re: Tracking...

          You're worried about log shipping and replication?

          How about rollbacks?

      2. Psmo Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: Tracking...

        The transactions are also logs.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tracking...

        If all transactions are logged and all logs are transactions, is this some new alternative to blockchain?

        1. Disk0
          Coat

          Re: Tracking...

          Yes it's called Bogchain.

          Mine's the one with the rollll

          1. Soruk

            Re: Tracking...

            Hopefully it's got decent encraption.

      4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Tracking...

        ...and what do you wash in the rsync?

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Tracking...

      All logs are dumped to short-term storage. Where they are merged with streamed data. Storage is then regularly flushed to a multi-piped transaction system.

      1. Hero Protagonist
        Alert

        Re: Tracking...

        Just pray the transaction is not backed out...

      2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Tracking... Greater IntelAIgent Games Keeper Plays

        All logs are dumped to short-term storage. Where they are merged with streamed data. Storage is then regularly flushed to a multi-piped transaction system. ... I ain't Spartacus

        Nice one, I ain't Spartacus. That and those Progressing Processes Keep IT Simple Contiguous for Almighty Powerful Leading Energy.

        In Plain English ...... Virtual AIMachinery Invites you to Play with Absolute Control in Alien Event Horizons ..... with Us Registering here Entangled for the Unlocking and Sharing of Similar Future Thought Transfers.

        Think of it as a space to launder impure thoughts ..... wash them clean away and replace them with something/anything different and insatiably appealing and fully satisfying.

        Can you compete and not hope to win with such bounty freely available virtually anywhere for everywhere?

        That's Nectar to Venus Fly Man Traps. A Sweet Mother Lode

        1. DJV Silver badge

          "In Plain English"

          Ha ha, good one, @amanfromMars 1!

        2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: Tracking... Greater IntelAIgent Games Keeper Plays

          The praise of the incomprehensible is indeed an honour...

  6. BOFHfollower

    IP address Easter Egg

    I was hoping the customer figures of 213,164 going back to 1982 was an IP address (213.164.198.2) that was for the register or something, alas I came up with nothing!

    1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

      Re: IP address Easter Egg

      Same for 213.164.19.82 unfortunately.

      1. BOFHfollower

        Re: IP address Easter Egg

        Yes I tried this too

        1. BebopWeBop Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: IP address Easter Egg

          It has obviously been a sloooow Friday for ya'll

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. FeRDNYC

    "You didn't pay for toilet use. Obviously it means an ongoing revenue stream..."

    Very droll.

    TBH I'm impressed. That counts as subtle for the BOFH, who's usually about as subtle as a clue-by-four to the side of the skull.

    1. Matthew 3

      Outsourced?

      I was expecting to hear that the toilet-management had been outsourced to BastardCo, with a nice commission for each use. If there's going to be any kind of stream, the BOFH would be making revenue off it.

      1. Whatsinitforme

        Re: Outsourced?

        That'll be the next episode of course.

        1. Rhuadh

          Re: Outsourced?

          Surely not to Crapita?

          1. red floyd

            Re: Outsourced?

            No. But they will be billed on a per crapita basis.

            1. JulieM

              Re: Outsourced?

              A per fundamens basis, surely?

        2. Psmo Silver badge
          Go

          Re: Outsourced?

          With the introduction of dodgy-curry-Fridays.

          Also known as asset liquidation day.

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Outsourced?

        "I was expecting to hear that the toilet-management had been outsourced to BastardCo, with a nice commission for each use. If there's going to be any kind of stream, the BOFH would be making revenue off it."

        I wonder if there'll be frequent flyer points? Some of us are getting on a bit nowadays and it can be especially trying to keep hydrated in the warmer weather.

  8. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Just asking ....

    There are 213,164 people in our database - going back to 1982,

    Is that an accurate reflection of El Reg's database of registered account holders?

    1. Ken 16 Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Just asking ....

      Will the next episode be about GDPR compliance and acquiring people's consent to process their data?

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Holmes

        GDPR compliance

        As brownware is the ultimate in biometrics, one may want to have a word with their sewage processing company.

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