back to article Sex and drugs and auto-tune: What motivates a millennial perp?

"Thirty years ago people couldn't imagine online porn." I beg to differ. "Private-interest" bulletin boards existed even back in 1989, and I have a sneaking suspicion that comparing notes on the most effective autoexec.bat sequence wasn't the only reason modem'd PC users wanted access to Usenet from their spare bedrooms. The …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    30 Years Ago

    30 years ago (more like 40 years ago :-( ) I could not work out how anyone in the porn industry made any money, all the X rated mags were bought by a friend of a friend so on that basis 1 magazine had the circulation numbered in hundreds and you could tell - Yuk!

    1. Nick Kew

      Re: 30 Years Ago

      I first got online from home a little over 30 years ago. The only pics I saw back then were ascii art, and even those were rare (and unwanted at 1200 baud max). Yet ISTR the likes of the BBC were already on about the dangers of porn on bulletin boards of the era.

    2. Franco Silver badge

      Re: 30 Years Ago

      Circulation in the hundreds and usually ended their life under a hedge to be found by teenage boys who were playing football until the person sent to retrieve the ball from said hedge found a jazz mag instead.

      I am also reminded of a Chewin the Fat sketch where cave paintings were invented in prehistoric Paisley, follwed almost instantly by the first drawing of a cock and balls. The point being that almost every new form of media becomes a vehicle to deliver porn.

      1. Huw D

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        You might appreciate this from comedian Duncan Oakley.

        NSFW. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AH7qdhiKZg4

      2. Daedalus Silver badge

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        The point being that almost every new form of media becomes a vehicle to deliver porn.

        As pointed out by Kurt Vonnegut in "Slaughterhouse-5" where the same pornographic picture keeps appearing, first as a zoophilist daguerreotype.

      3. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        "almost every new form of media becomes a vehicle to deliver porn."

        like rule 34

    3. storner
      Childcatcher

      Re: 30 Years Ago

      Usenet existed more than 30 years ago. Tiny pictures were posted on alt.sex.pictures in uuencoded form split into multiple posts because the size of posts was limited to a few kB (yes, KILO bytes, not MB), so you had to download each post, strip off the headers and run it through uudecode before viewing a tiny 200x140 pixel image on your 640x480 16-color CGA screen.

      Nowadays 12-year olds post selfie-porn on social media.

      Yup, progress.

      1. ma1010

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        Well, not quite 30 years ago, but when the BOFH's company got a content management system, the disks were quickly filled by the PFY adding the McHenry "service documents" and the RustyNEddie "interactive processing stuff" from the tape archives. No doubt originally downloaded from Usenet in multiple file format. You can find that episode here.

        (With no new BOFH in sight have to make due with re-reading previous episodes!)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        That's about the time a lot of people were scarred for life with pictures of Harold and Madge from neighbours in what must have been one of the first moving porn internet obtained videos. It wasn't even CGA.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: 30 Years Ago

          I am trying to remember from my memory of the office building the first time a developer gleefully showed everybody an animated 3 second fellatio porn clip. It was based on a Max Headroom coca cola advert called c c c catch the wave or something and must have been contemporary to it.

          Must have made an impression as I can still remember it.

      3. Stoneshop Silver badge
        FAIL

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        your 640x480 16-color CGA screen.

        640x480? And six-teen colours? Lookshoorey! That was VGA, or EGA if you squinted a bit; CGA was just 320x200, with 4 out of 16 colours. With the best approximation of pink being light red or light magenta.

    4. illiad

      Re: 30 Years Ago

      In the '80s the UK porn industry was mainly ignored by the Govmt, so there was plenty of backstreet stuff going on... The money came from Europe and US, where there was no problem...

      There was even a few good items on broadcast TV...

      then prudish grannies stepped in..

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: 30 Years Ago

        In the '80s the UK porn industry was mainly ignored by the Govmt, so there was plenty of backstreet stuff going on... The money came from Europe and US, where there was no problem...

        Yeah, but anything available in the Uk was a con anyway. Labels like Electric Blue generally promised more than they actually delivered.

        1. illiad

          Re: 30 Years Ago (Electric Blue )

          if you knew the mag that produced it, you would expect the soft core stuff from those vids...

          I found plenty of hardcore vids for rental at a store in kings X station in the '80s...

  2. Denarius Silver badge

    Dabsy, not just you

    virus and buggy PC sold for money ? I was baffled by that PC "art" A seldom seen brother had a laptop that was slow when I visited. I have no idea where he got so many PUPS, trojans, virus and other hindrances, aside from Windows 8. I could have sold it for thousands instead of considering a serious fire.

    As for millennials, so little makes sense. At Oz fast unfood institutions, they dont even look at physically present humans of prefered gender for partners, just use fondle slabs instead of fondling the wetware near them. Is it to avoid charges of unwanted touching ? Maccas has changed but not its menus

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Dabsy, not just you

      Art is anything made by an artist that sells

      1. CrazyOldCatMan

        Re: Dabsy, not just you

        Art is..

        .. in the eye of the beholder.

        Much like music (s/eye/ears/*) - even with my famous love of prog music there are various genres (RIO et. al.) that I don't really consider to be music..

  3. Warm Braw Silver badge

    Only a fool writes for anything other than money

    That's us put in our place. Unless the cheque's in the post.

    1. Nick Kew
      Pint

      Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

      Damn you!

      (for getting in ahead of me with that comment).

      Guess I'll just have to be the double-fool and get the beer in.

      1. Denarius Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

        does that include writing code ? I do some for fun. Relaxing after trying to fine tune a stroppy chinese made chainsaw. Is there any other kind now ?

        1. Persona Silver badge

          Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

          They Stihl make good chainsaws in Germany

          1. CrazyOldCatMan

            Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

            They Stihl make good chainsaws

            According to OldestBrother (he of the tree-monkey habit) they are OK for lay people but serious tree surgeons use other brands.

            Not that I can remember the ones he mentioned - I wasn't *that* interested. My tastes run more to cameras and optical devices..

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

              I find my camera isn't much good for sawing up branches. But then my Stihl doesn't take very good photos.

            2. Stoneshop Silver badge

              Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

              [Stihl] serious tree surgeons use other brands.

              The tree I saw being surgeoned quite recently was being subjected to one of those Stihls the surgeon apparently shouldn't be using.

            3. H in The Hague Silver badge

              Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

              Where is your brother based?

              For various complicated reasons to do with a client's project I've recently been on a tree felling course and been hanging out with tree care folk. In the UK and the rest of Europe they mostly seem to use Stihl and Husqvarna, though some folk use Dolmar or Pellenc (French, nice, expensive). And the larger Stihl units are definitely not designed for use by laypeople.

              Incidentally, I went to a presentation by a Stihl trainer. He mentioned that both Stihl and Husqvarna make excellent products, sometimes one brand is in the lead, sometimes the other, and that their personnel and management get on perfectly well. But apparently some of their customers are so loyal to their chosen brand that they're like religious zealots.

              Happy sawing.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Only a fool writes for anything other than money

      Dr. Johnson was wrong about a lot of things. He was also a depressive. Only a fool cites an opinion of Dr. Johnson as carrying any kind of weight.

  4. Persona Silver badge

    S.H.A.G.-13

    45 minutes with a Boston Dynamics S.H.A.G.-13 ?

    If it takes more than 3 minutes I'll want my money back.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: S.H.A.G.-13

      That would be 40 minutes of, “Then Squirry the Squirrel went... neep, neep, neep!... and they all went home for tea."

      Followed by 5 minutes of, “Now then, how much do you charge for a good hard shag?”

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: S.H.A.G.-13

      >If it takes more than 3 minutes I'll want my money back.

      Remember the turbo button ?

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: S.H.A.G.-13

      well I'd like to point out that the desire for robo-sexuality (in general) could be explained with the term '3DPD'.

      You have to ask yourselves _WHY_ the '3DPD' term even exists. A great deal of it comes from radical feminism and the general attitude towards men, the "all men are toxic masculine" (by defining normal male behavior as 'toxic', not simply the rude ass-hattery that's a stereotype of normal male behavior).

      So from THAT perspective, when an overwhelming number of 'available' females are of the "bitch princess from hell you owe me because you have a penis" variety, robots look PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

      Ultimately you can blame Gloria Steinem, Patricia Ireland,Irina Dunn (the originator of "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle") and others who have gone beyond equal rights for women into the realm of outright man-hating and "misandrony".

      So what do men do? ROBOTS! And porn. And hookers. And go to other (non-westernized) countries.

      (for those women who really DO want men in their lives, and not a Big Member 3000, consider NOT listening to those over-the-top radical feminist HARPIES and behaving NORMALLY, like 100,000+ years of human evolution defining the traditional roles and behavior of men and women have people do, and men will not only respect you, but probably not do things that anger you either; otherwise you'll play 2nd fiddle to the Lucy Liu-bots that are only COPIES of you, except without all of the "toxic femininity")

      sad-face icon because, let's face it, this is sad.

  5. chivo243 Silver badge

    Boston Dynamics in the year 3000

    Maker of the Marilyn Monroebot?

    1. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

      Re: Boston Dynamics in the year 3000

      Maker of the Marilyn Monroebot?

      Indeed, it's those cute little flaws that keep a guy interested. </Kryten>

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Boston Dynamics in the year 3000

      I'd prefer the Lucy Liu bot

      1. Sven Coenye

        Re: Boston Dynamics in the year 3000

        Just don't mention its Chinese-American heritage as a negative...

  6. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Coat

    Well there might be a bright side

    If indeed the future is filled with wankers, then that means less 1st-worlders using much too many resources and polluting the world.

    It also means that I look forward to seeing how that works when I'm 80 and so full of arthritis I can hardly move. Unless I'm still spry and agile, in which case it's the nurse who's going to wish I was full of arthritis.

    Let's pity the nurse and hope I'll be full of arthritis.

    1. CrazyOldCatMan

      Re: Well there might be a bright side

      I'm 80 and so full of arthritis I can hardly move

      You don't have to be 80 for that. Which is why I have blood tests every two months - to make sure the various toxic anti-arthritis drugs haven't killed my liver and kidneys..

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Well there might be a bright side

      "The WankoBot (© 2029 Estate of Donald Trump) has a number of settings inline with customer satisfaction demand, which range from gentle erotic massage to having Kim Kardashian pounding on you for 10 minutes.

      It is normal for nurses to switch the WankoBot to its Kardashian setting* and leave the patient for a few minutes: death is always guaranteed and our happy customers always go out with a smile on their face."

      * cleaning and servicing should be carried out afterwards: please see the manual for more information.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well there might be a bright side

        a number of settings inline with customer satisfaction demand, which range from gentle erotic massage to having Kim Kardashian pounding on you for 10 minutes.

        EEEEWWWWW!!!! That would have me limp within 10 *seconds*, and not from excitement either.

        I think the only reason Kanye West has her around is because she's about the only person in the world with less talent than him.

        1. Huw D

          Re: Well there might be a bright side

          Kim Kardashian has a massive arse.

          But that's enough about Kanye...

          1. MarthaFarqhar

            Re: Well there might be a bright side

            Or more likely that Kims arse is the only thing that could accommodate Kanyes ego.

      2. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Well there might be a bright side

        Tough choice.... upvote for the concept or downvote for the Kartrashian. <sigh> I'll upvote for the concept and hope and pray that the Kartrashian option is just one of many and there's better choices.

        1. veti Silver badge

          Re: Well there might be a bright side

          What sort of taste do you expect, from "the estate of Donald Trump"?

    3. Stork

      Re: Well there might be a bright side

      Relax, the trend is that more people live longer and healthier than ever. In particular if you are in the wealthier and better educated part of the population (of course you can have bad luck).

      When I was a kid/teen, people in their 80es were more or less expected to be in care homes. Less so these days, my mum and her friends have very busy lives.

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge

        Re: Well there might be a bright side

        Less so these days, my mum and her friends have very busy lives.

        TMI

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Well there might be a bright side

      "less 1st-worlders using much too many resources and polluting the world."

      *facepalm*

      Without enough babies being born to create the next generation, nobody is going to PAY FOR your arthritis treatments. It'll become SO expensive to 'take care of' the aging population that any kind of 'austerity' for the 'old and retired' will get shoved under the bus. Run the numbers, you'll see. The only way that you'll get your arthritis treatments at age 80 is if you have private retirement, assuming it's not confiscated and/or taxed out of existence. That is, unless millenials "get busy" and start making babies...

      (but millenials are too busy texting each other on their 4-inch screens)

      If sex weren't so damned pleasurable, nobody would EVER have kids. Then humans would die off. But someone with the attitude as seen in the above quote might actually LIKE that outcome...

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Well there might be a bright side

        Without enough babies being born to create the next generation,

        ... other species being driven into extinction now may get some room to stabilise, or even increase their number.

        But I'm not very confident of that.

      2. illiad

        Re: Well there might be a bright side

        you are forgetting artificial insemination , cloning, etc...

  7. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. Blockchain commentard

    "some of us will be having "great sex" without human contact within the next six years" - hmmm, doesn't he know prison is full of purveyors of beastility already?

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      WTF?

      > "some of us will be having "great sex" without human contact within the next six years" - hmmm, doesn't he know prison is full of purveyors of beastility already?

      It's still perfectly legal in six states of the USA. It's a God given right, to fuck anything that can't eat you, or bite your dick off.

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