back to article My #95Theses of #Digital

It's exactly 500 years to the day since Luther Blissett nailed his "95 Theses" to the door of Battenberg Cake Factory. Like Steve Jobs, and Elon Musk, he started a revolution. If it hadn't been for Luther, would we have had an October Revolution? Wouldn't Henry VIII have died monogamous? Would we even have the internet? I can …

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  1. Paul Kinsler

    The #Hashtag Cometh

    (attributed to Flanders and !Bong, naturally)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      #Next

      A bold autopophagi was surfing one day,

      on the #clouds of the dark interwebs,

      he gazed at the blockchain as he peacefully paid,

      by the light of the LCD's glare.

      ...

      No, I don't think so really, do you?

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: #Next

        'Twas on the Monday morning the SEO team called.

        I couldn't search my website page, I got no clicks at all.

        They pulled out all the page headers to find out what's to blame,

        So I had to call the webmaster, to put them back again.

        ......

        Oh it all makes work for the working man to do...

        ......

        'Twas on the Tuesday morning, the webmaster came round.

        He hammered on his keyboard and he said, "Look what I've found."

        "Your headers are full of linkspam, but I'll soon put that to rights,

        Then he tripped over the UPS, and out went all the lights!

        ........

        Oh it all makes work for the working man to do...

        ........

        [that's enough - Ed]

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm amazed...

    I'm amazed that he got as far as 51, even with the gaps.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: I'm amazed...

      I'm amazed that he got as far as 51, even with the gaps.

      No, those five are all he wrote.

      Consecutive numbers are sooo last decade!

  3. captain_solo

    #Religion

    #87 - Let him who speaks against the truth concerning Open Source Software be anathema and accursed

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: #Religion

      I like the way this one is so vague about what the "truth" is, that you can agree or disagree with it in equal measure, or likewise use to condemn any point of view that might be seen as #inconvenient

  4. hplasm
    Thumb Up

    Marvellous!

    The Battenberg seepage is strong with the Bong!

  5. 2+2=5 Silver badge
    Go

    Indulgences

    Martin Luther told us that Christians could not buy or earn their way into heaven but only enter by the grace of God. That's so old fashioned: nowadays there needs to be a freemium model where you can either choose to pay or take the advertising supported route.

    See my website: www.coffinadverts.com [1]

    [1] I can scarcely believe that's not actually taken! [2]

    [2] At the time of writing at least.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    #48

    Not using IoT does not an idiot make.

    1. Jim Mitchell Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: #48

      So:

      #48B

      Using IotT does an idiot make.

      ?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: #48

        Don't want to confuse things.

  7. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Virtual Renegades in Vital Command of NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Control

    ..... with Quantum Communication Control Systems.

    CyberIntelAIgent Warriors would a SMARTR AI Starting Point, Steve Bong of Bong Ventures .......

    Graham C [1711011455] ….. enquires on https://www.rt.com/usa/408431-us-troops-syria-mistake/

    Are there supplementary expeditionary rogue US forces at play in the field and on the ground?

    CyberIntelAIgent Warriors? That would be AI DARPA/Pentagon Programming Project, methinks.

    RSVP ……. Chatham House Rules …. a rule or principle according to which information disclosed during a meeting may be reported by those present, but the source of that information may not be explicitly or implicitly identified.

    Beware and be Aware such is Reserved and Preserved for the Brave ....... not for the Fearful and Fearless Faint Hearted.

    Best be Advised .... Who Dares Win Wins Territory too, Steve.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    #66

    If you want a pay increase at regular intervals, do not work in IT as demands for an increase will lead to the job being offshored ...

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: #66

      If you want a pay increase at regular intervals, do not work in IT as demands for an increase will lead to the job being offshored ...

      Was that number chosen deliberately?

      Because now I'm imagining a cackling CEO putting on a robe, pressing the intercom button and ordering his secretary to, "Execute order 66!"

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: #66 @Capt DaFt

        Because now I'm imagining a cackling CEO putting on a robe, pressing the intercom button and ordering his secretary to, "Execute order 66!"

        That's not the number I was expecting, Capt DaFt. It's close though to the yin yang figure.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: #66

        Was that number chosen deliberately?

        It was going to be #666 but then someone would have winged about the number range. #69 was next but then I thought that wouldn't make sense as that implies both are getting something out of the deal so I opted for simply dropping one of the sixes from #666.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Was the sale of indulgences the forerunner of ransom ware? Both designed to extort money from the credulous with an illusory promise.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      forerunner of ransom ware?

      Not indulgences because you didn't HAVE to buy them, but avoiding being burnt as a heretic by either side, or getting the Inquisition to go away needed money. It was safer to be accused of witchcraft, most got off and if not, hanging rather than the torture and bonfire.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Was the sale of indulgences the forerunner of ransom ware?

      You can still buy pointless guilt-reducing indulgences. Now they're called "carbon offsets."

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        You can still buy pointless guilt-reducing indulgences. Now they're called "carbon offsets." flowers.

        FTFY

        1. My other car is an IAV Stryker Bronze badge
          Alert

          Re: Flowers

          You forgot the chocolate.

    3. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      They say there is nothing new under the sun, only rediscovery the new leading partner of invention.

      Was the sale of indulgences the forerunner of ransom ware? Both designed to extort money from the credulous with an illusory promise. .... Anonymous Coward

      Methinks the front forerunner of such a nmarvellous magic is a DaneGeld Application, AC. ......... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danegeld

      And no, thank you. I choose neither to waste time nor space on the identity of the They cited above. It could be you too.

    4. strum

      >Was the sale of indulgences the forerunner of ransom ware?

      Well - it was caught up in the new technological wave of the time.

      Indulgences had existed for a long time previous - but since they were hand-written, they [seemed to] possess some genuine value.

      Part of the anger against indulgences (15th/16th C) was that they were now printed, by the thousand - but the price remained the same!

  10. Mage Silver badge

    Unfortunately

    Every international company, some rich people and many politicians believe #2 Taxes are only for plebs.

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  12. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Daniel von Asmuth

    Relax, don't do it!

    from Frankie Goes to Hollywood

  14. John G Imrie

    #1 The only password you can remenber ...

    is either too short or too lon

  15. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Stop

    Sorry I stole this from a throwaway comment I made on another thread.

    #01 - Algorithms mean never having to say you're sorry.

    Showed terrorist beheading video propaganda / stole someone else's intellectual property / promoted your own services over rivals on your main search page / accidentally taken foreign money to help elect Donald Trump? It wasn't us wot done it guv, it was them algorithms. Honest!

    I'd use the joke icon, but this is rapidly becoming less funny every fucking time Google, Twitter and Facebook use it.

  16. IDoNotThinkSo

    #31

    The man who actually buys Photoshop is as rare as he who is really penitent; indeed, he is exceedingly rare.

    #32

    Those who believe that they can be certain of their salvation because they have paid for Oracle licences will be eternally damned, together with their finance department.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      #33

      No company can ever have the correct number of licences. On any day that perfection is achieved, they will instantly fire/hire staff, buy new hardware or the universe will implode.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        #34

        https://xkcd.com/305/

  17. Captain DaFt
    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Sorry iBong! @Capt Daft

      I plead the Fifth and invoke Rules 34 and 35.......... Rule 34: If it exists there is porn of it. No exceptions.

      Rule 35 The exception to Rule 34 is the citation of Rule 34. .... for Safe Haven Spaces .... Heavenly Places.

      That's all an incredibly interesting AIdVenture, El Regers/Steve Bong/Capt Daft ..... with Absolutely Fabulous Fabless Locations for Prized Destinations.

  18. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Battenberg?

    Don't you mean Mountbatten?

    And if your really want to go full Bong mode, you should follow up with "The Babylonian Captivity of Intellectual Property."

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Battenberg?

      Howdy disgruntled yank, and Steve Bong and El Reg Situation Publishing,

      And if your really want to go full Bong mode, you should follow up with "The Babylonian Captivity of Intellectual Property."

      Full NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Bong mode would lead AI with "ITs Babelonian Captivity of Intellectual Property."?

      For Novel Virtual ProActivity in any Commanded Space and Controlled Place with Language for SCADA Services Supporting Collapsing Elite Executive Administrations?

      And deliberately shared as questions here so that doubts can be raised for obliteration.

      What do you know of SMARTR Easter Eggs, disgruntled yank?

      As much as everyone else and/or less than is necessary to stealthily proceed with secreted leads?

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Battenberg?

      Battenberg is the cake. That never went through the name change. Pink and yellow cake with marzipan for me please.

  19. Mark 110

    Daleks!!

    Daleks aren't robots so the Asimov analogy got my back up. Or they weren't originally anyway - times change. Originally they were life support vehicles for the survivors of Skaro iirc.

    ==

    Anyway - #12 If you want to get VCs interested call it AI even though its got the intelligence of Texas Instruments calculator from 1977.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Daleks!!

      Daleks still aren't robots. They're either cyborgs or life support pods, depending on whether they just sit in that casing or are surgically fixed to it.

      I think you need to be organic to achieve that level of grumpiness.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Daleks!!

        "I think you need to be organic to achieve that level of grumpiness."

        I take it you've never worked on pre-1930s internal or external combustion engines? How about 1970s/80s chip fabs?

  20. Palpy
    Pint

    Argh. This could be habit-forming.

    #72: For any non-trivial project, perfection requires an eternity of tedious toil. Therefore:

    #73: Perfection will not arrive before the Universe achieves entropic heat-death. And therefore:

    #74: Gather ye lagers, stouts, and bitters while ye may, for all code is blemished and perfection is far from us.

  21. VeganVegan
    Unhappy

    My cat nailed 95 feces on the bathroom door

    She felt that her cat pan was too corrupted.

  22. JLV

    #86 Taxpayers, mere working folk and investors should be most indulgent towards the digerati and thought leaders. Ask not what service they render unto you, or onto others, be not enquiring of the practicality of their ideas, sittest thou not in judgment at failures that cost trifling millions for failure meeds be fast and frequent.

    Ask not that they should build with their riches, volunteer yours.*

    But be instead humbly grateful of their ineffable presence and supportive of their earthly lifestyle.

    * Kickstarter et all are at your service.

  23. jake Silver badge

    #0

    Smoking pot and drinking beer together is like pissing into the wind.[0]

    But if you must, don't post in public lest ye be laughed at.

    [0] Thanks, Gil :-)

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: #0 ..... Sweet Immortal Memories:-)

      Howdy jake,

      That post had me smiling. Thanks.

      Does an up vote constitute agreement with Rule #0 ... and when born and reinforced with one's own fabulous experiences, is there potency beyond measure for Exploitation with 0Day Applications?

      And if you can ask the question is the answer always positive? And that dictates that the above aforementioned Immeasurable Energy is All Ready and Already in Play for Live Operational Virtual Environments.

      What Price that on Fiat and CryptoCurrency Markets? Billions/Trillions/Gazillions? Any of those and practically everything truly is virtually priceless.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: #0 ..... Sweet Immortal Memories:-)

        Follow your bliss, amfM. It's all good.

        1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

          Re: #0 ..... Sweet Immortal Memories:-) Ye Good Olde Days AIReMastered and ReImagineered

          As PerlyGatesPython BroadBandCast before Swine, jake, does IT Permit Sublime Special Access to Ancient Wisdoms for NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive IT Programming of Captured Captivating Assets.

          It's all good and gets infinitely better in betas trailing and trialing ....... well, Heavenly MasteredD Peaces is AI Current Masterpiece of Present Work in Future Progress, which you may like to know is freely available at priceless cost to all and sundry engaging with Immaculate Sources and Near Perfect Forces.

          A Palace Barracks Holywood Blasting to Smithereens of Hollywood Hills USA Promotions with SMARTR Info for IntelAIgent Media Screening of Future Projects for Daily Presentation? Yeah, you bet it is.

  24. Candy

    Time

    #42: Time is the most valuable asset in a truly digital world. Use as much of everyone else's as you can.

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