back to article HPE to open private London drinking club

It has come to our attention that megacorp Hewlett Packard Enterprise is planning to open a private drinking establishment in its new London nerve centre, for the benefit of "employees, officers, guests and persons attending bona fide private functions". Earlier this year, the then-HP signed a 15-year lease on 1 Aldermanbury …

  1. Sir Barry

    Name?

    Could call it Hic Pee

  2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    alternative name

    the

    'Hardly Pissed'

    1. dogged

      Re: alternative name

      Or the "Hugely Pissed" but that probably would confuse the American who has to sign off on it.

      1. Lusty

        Re: alternative name

        Call it the "Albert Einstein" aka used to invent ;)

    2. redneck

      Re: alternative name

      Welcome, to TheMachine

  3. The Godfather
    Pint

    Sideline activity perhaps or the 'enticement' of punters. No doubt El Reg's Paul took time out in the slug and lettuce.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sideline activity perhaps or the 'enticement' of punters. No doubt El Reg's Paul took time out in the slug and lettuce.

      Have you seen the beer and food prices in the Slug, Red Herring or Anthologist?

      You get a round and meal in the Wood Street Bar for the same price as one in those

  4. Uberseehandel

    The Garage

    Surely the most appropriate name for an HP drink shack?

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      Re: The Garage

      Considering the distance they've put between the current HP* entities and the legacy of Bill and Dave, that would be a most unfitting name.

  5. Yugguy

    Ale or GTFO

    Unless they're serving decent real ale which I massively doubt, it's of no interest to me.

    1. dogged

      Re: Ale or GTFO

      Unless you work for HP it's of no interest to you because you're not invited.

      1. Yugguy

        Re: Ale or GTFO

        "for the benefit of "employees, officers,GUESTS and persons attending bona fide private functions"."

        It is not beyond the realms of possibility that I could be a guest.

        1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

          Re: Ale or GTFO

          If all you drink is that liquid bread shite then who'd want you?

          Lager all the way.

        2. Charles Manning

          Re: Ale or GTFO

          " attending bona fide private functions"

          So how does this Bona Fide bloke get to hold his private functions there?

          Maybe since Carly Fiorina, HP is run by the Mob.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ale or GTFO

        Don't worry - I *do* work for HP and I'm not holding my breath waiting for my gilt-edged invite, either.

        AC for obvious reasons

  6. Laura Kerr
    Pint

    I'd go for

    The Setting Sun.

    "Because, of course, this is a welcoming, intimate and convenient setting where long business days can be concluded in a convivial atmosphere, with opportunities for peer networking, identifying new synergies and discovering partnership potential, while getting shitfaced on the company tab enjoying a wide selection of refreshments. The Uganda room, named after former HP CEO Mark Hurd, can be hired on a hourly basis if absolute privacy is essential."

    But really because HP's recent track record doesn't bode well for the future.

    1. BlartVersenwaldIII
      Trollface

      Re: I'd go for

      Your whalesong powers clearly need work as there's no way a multinational would accept just a single submission... I don't think they make calculators any more so The Kebab and Calculator's off the cards but here's some more suggestions:

      The Mash Tun(s Of Buttons Because Our Non-existent QA Failed To Notice A Glaring Error Again)

      The Cock (That Architected This "Enterprise" Software)

      Red Dragon (Our Slow Demise On For As Long As Possible)

      Golden Lion (On Our Financials)

      Green Lion (On Our Laurels)

      Three Crowns (Redundancy Payment For You)

      Fiddlers Green (Into Another Massive Writedown)

      The Nags Head(count Until It Goes To The Knacker's Yard)

      Mitre (Been A Contender)

      Cutty Sark(y Pub Names Out, It's Getting Tiresome)

      And perhaps too obviously:

      The Crooked Inn

      The White Elephant

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They should go for a stylish trendy name.

    What about "Autonomy"

    1. Laura Kerr
      Thumb Up

      Yep, that would work

      "Welcome to Autonomy, a compaq establishment with a secure DECing floor. Our house speciality today consists of snapfish with alpha chips served on a bed of eucalyptus leaves with applq to finish . Please place your order with Shunra via our secure electronic data systems.

      "We hope you enjoy your visit. If there is any way in which you feel we could improve our services to you, please speak directly to the nearest brick wall. We remain committed to our strategised principles at all times.

      "Your manager today is Mr Borg."

  8. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    23:00 to 24:00

    "Late night refreshment" sounds like a euphemism for something

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For one horrifying moment ...

    ... I thought the name of the second place was "Dirty Mankini" - pass the Mind Bleach!

  10. James Fox
    Pint

    Wot no...

    ... HP Sauce joke?

  11. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    As a non-Brit

    I have to ask: what is "late night refreshment"? Why is it restricted from 23.00 to 24.00, while "alcohol" can be dispensed from 08.00 to 24.00?

    I'm assuming that a "bona fide private function" is something not involving private parts, but just what is "late night refreshment"???

    EDIT

    Never mind, I have found The Licensing Act 2003: "Late night refreshment" is defined as the supply of hot food or drink (that is, food or drink that is either served at, or has been heated on the premises to, a point above ambient temperature) to the public for consumption, both on or off the premises, between 23:00 and 05:00.

    So I can start drinking alcohol at 08.00, but I'll have to wait 'til 23.00 before I can get food hotter than the ambient temperature? Nekulturny.

    1. Laura Kerr
      Paris Hilton

      Re: As a non-Brit

      "I have to ask: what is "late night refreshment"? "

      Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more...

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: As a non-Brit

        So, Breakaway Candy Bars? (He asked her knowingly?)

        Or were you possibly suggesting... thingy...

  12. Ken 16 Silver badge
    Pint

    Your HP engraved Tankard is very cheap

    But they'll overcharge you for the refills!

  13. Mary Hinge

    "The Departure Lounge"

  14. FozzyBear

    PPFFFTTTT

    There is no need for a name. The new logo the green rectangle that was produced in MS paint in 5 secs, is instantly recognisable around the world

  15. Captain DaFt

    HP bar name

    "The Ink Cartridge", what else?

    With every shot/mug priced the same as a freight load of the stuff.

  16. Michael Bukva

    "Hundred Proof" ;)

    Being an Enterprise establishment, you can purchase AaaS, which is a vodka IV drip designed to keep you and your credit card on the edge of excitement.

  17. FlBe

    What if ....

    Apple or a startup would do something like that. Would it be uncool as well? HPE is a new company ... it's a startup ...

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    HP in the past in the UK has had bars in their offices. Both former head quarters had bars but not Bracknell. Scotland Queens Ferry had a bar. So this is not unusual and normal practise for HP but not DEC. Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard used to like a drink so part of the culture.

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