Could call it Hic Pee
It has come to our attention that megacorp Hewlett Packard Enterprise is planning to open a private drinking establishment in its new London nerve centre, for the benefit of "employees, officers, guests and persons attending bona fide private functions". Earlier this year, the then-HP signed a 15-year lease on 1 Aldermanbury …
The Setting Sun.
"Because, of course, this is a welcoming, intimate and convenient setting where long business days can be concluded in a convivial atmosphere, with opportunities for peer networking, identifying new synergies and discovering partnership potential, while
getting shitfaced on the company tab enjoying a wide selection of refreshments. The Uganda room, named after former HP CEO Mark Hurd, can be hired on a hourly basis if absolute privacy is essential."
But really because HP's recent track record doesn't bode well for the future.
Your whalesong powers clearly need work as there's no way a multinational would accept just a single submission... I don't think they make calculators any more so The Kebab and Calculator's off the cards but here's some more suggestions:
The Mash Tun(s Of Buttons Because Our Non-existent QA Failed To Notice A Glaring Error Again)
The Cock (That Architected This "Enterprise" Software)
Red Dragon (Our Slow Demise On For As Long As Possible)
Golden Lion (On Our Financials)
Green Lion (On Our Laurels)
Three Crowns (Redundancy Payment For You)
Fiddlers Green (Into Another Massive Writedown)
The Nags Head(count Until It Goes To The Knacker's Yard)
Mitre (Been A Contender)
Cutty Sark(y Pub Names Out, It's Getting Tiresome)
And perhaps too obviously:
The Crooked Inn
The White Elephant
"Welcome to Autonomy, a compaq establishment with a secure DECing floor. Our house speciality today consists of snapfish with alpha chips served on a bed of eucalyptus leaves with applq to finish . Please place your order with Shunra via our secure electronic data systems.
"We hope you enjoy your visit. If there is any way in which you feel we could improve our services to you, please speak directly to the nearest brick wall. We remain committed to our strategised principles at all times.
"Your manager today is Mr Borg."
I have to ask: what is "late night refreshment"? Why is it restricted from 23.00 to 24.00, while "alcohol" can be dispensed from 08.00 to 24.00?
I'm assuming that a "bona fide private function" is something not involving private parts, but just what is "late night refreshment"???
Never mind, I have found The Licensing Act 2003: "Late night refreshment" is defined as the supply of hot food or drink (that is, food or drink that is either served at, or has been heated on the premises to, a point above ambient temperature) to the public for consumption, both on or off the premises, between 23:00 and 05:00.
So I can start drinking alcohol at 08.00, but I'll have to wait 'til 23.00 before I can get food hotter than the ambient temperature? Nekulturny.