Cheesey Chips
Brilliant, simple, classic
We at the post-pub nosh neckfiller team are drawing up a menu for the next batch of wobbly dining delicacies, and invite readers to suggest their faves for inclusion on the list. As our alcohol-fuelled haute cuisine regulars know, since last November we've travelled the world in search of those recipes best suited to …
A popular NW variation is recommend is Chips, Cheese & Gravy.
To save a few £:
Buy only chips on way home.
Make instant gravy (Onion favourite, beef or veggie for a lighter bite), pour over chips.
Microwave briefly if heat boost required.
Sprinkle with favourite shredded cheese & keep some aside for topping up.
Standard variation is to mix favourite chilli sauce in gravy before pouring over.
Red pepper sauce with onion/beef or Jalapeno with veggie gravy work well.
*shudders*
No wonder it's grim oop north. What with the wolves and bears roaming through the primeval forests and the (far worse) horror of soggy chips!
Chips should be adulterated only with salt, vinegar, ketchup and/or curry ketchup. Although I remember enjoying salad cream with them in my youth. Mayonnaise is wrong.
Add ham or left-over chicken if you want.
I think these competitions are fundamentally unfair because I have read the recipes and I have also been in the situation described as requiring such filling and I an tell you that, despite being a competent (home) cook, I simply can't see myself managing much of what is proposed in these articles.
So, I think the fairest assessment must follow from meals cooked "post-pub". Mixing and kneading and prooving and grating and straining and shaping and frying and, well, it all seems rather a lot for the time of night (morning) one might be whipping these up and certainly for the state one would be in.
Practicality must be recognised and some of these recipes seem rather . . . ambitious.
YES!
Sorry - I missed the important bit!!! After a skin-full it must be hot!!!
A TOASTED cheese and tomato sandwich is the simplest thing that is hot, filling, delicious, not re-heated (microwaved) left-overs and that one can prepare at any time and in almost any state with minimal risk to life, limb and property.
Many a night has seen me man the cutting board and the oven grill turning out toasted cheese sandwiches.
My personal recipe has pesto on one slice, Dijon mustard on the other and filled with cheese, tomato and sliced pickled onions. Also I usually slice the cheese thinly and put some on each slice (so two layers of cheese) so the tomato and onion are encased in a melted cheese embrace.
Worth the small extra effort.
Having dealt with cheese and pickle Brevilles (other brands are available) I can second the dangers of allowing a drunken fool to bite straight into a cheese and tomato toastie without checking the temperature carefully. The SHC of some vegetables is apparently orders of magnitude less than cheese or bread...
Whilst the cheese toasty is indeed a fine accompaniment to a post pub return home, I can think of better. I use a toasty maker, so the cheese will also be dangerously hot. My trick is to make 2, my machine only does one at a time. By the time the second is on the plate, the first will have cooled sufficiently to be safe. I'd imagine that pickle, like jam, is deadly. So perhaps the pickle should be served on the side? Myself I prefer ketchup.
But the best toasty is the egg toasty. You need a maker with pronounced edges, that crimp the bread effectively to avoid leakages. This is bad enough with cheese, but far worse with egg.
Then you put your bottom slice of bread in, gently push down, whip in the egg you've decanted into a cup/bowl for speed, slap the top slice of bread on as fast as you can, and hold the toasty maker shut for 30 seconds to seal it. You then get a kind of poached/baked egg with sort of fried edges from the butter soaking through the bread. So yummy.
My current favourite is bacon or fish finger sandwiches though.
But the best toasty is the egg toasty. You need a maker with pronounced edges, that crimp the bread effectively to avoid leakages. This is bad enough with cheese, but far worse with egg.
Oh. My. $DEITY. That sounds delicious, I am going to have to try this :D
I'd imagine that pickle, like jam, is deadly.
Anyone who has ever used a toastie maker (of any brand) will be well aware that there is a ridiculous difference in the specific heat capacities of some ingredients. The main problem is that finding this out only ever seems to occur after the fact :'(
Tortillas Check
Grated Cheese Check
Sliced Chorizo Check
Chopped Onion Check
Sliced Tomato Check
Yogurt, sour cream or Crème fraîche Check
Chopped Korriander\Cilantro Check
Hot Skillet Check
Beer Check!
Appetite Check!
Do the leg work (chopping and shredding) before the pub, save yourself some time ;-}
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Amidst all the bacon, potato and deep-fried options on offer here, there seems to be a subtle prejudice that people who might enjoy healthy food, and even (whisper it softly) your actual vegetablarians, are far too worthy to enjoy a punishing night out, so never have to deal with the consequences. I beg to differ (see icon) - my body is a not a temple but a playground (it's my wallet that's a temple). So for those who share my tastes and want to feel better the morning after an extended session on whatever intoxicants float their boat, may I present "magic" miso soup, so-called for it's remarkable curative properties. Amounts of everything to taste, it's more a framework than an application...
WHAT:
Dashi stock made with kombu if you can be bothered, otherwise water;
Mix of fresh veg such as spring onions, carrots, celery (including green tops) - all sliced quite finely, aim for about 3mm thickness at thinnest point, carrots best done as sticks if your knife skills are up to it;
Mushrooms (shitake if your consultancy dayrate can stand it, otherwise chestnut), in larger chunks;
Spinach - fresh or frozen, if frozen thaw in microwave before adding (or use lettuce, mizuna, or other greenery of choice);
Tofu - some like it silken, I prefer the chewier ones;
Dark miso of your choice - I like barley but rice is fine, guess at about 2tbsp per litre of soup;
Other dried Japanese seaweed of choice - hijiki, arame etc - if you wish;
A sheet of nori seaweed, toasted but not burnt under grill or over flame (the only difficult bit in this recipe, watch it like a hawk - the window of toasted but not burnt lasts about 250ms).
HOW:
If using dried seaweed, soak in water according to instructions;
Bring water/stock to a simmer, add veg, shrooms, seaweed etc in vague order of hardness. Max boiling time for any of it shouldn't exceed about 6 minutes - this is foreign food, so no Brit-style mush-boiling (though if you're using shitakes they may need a bit longer);
Dilute miso in jar/mug with hot (not boiling) water, so it can be easily poured;
Turn off heat, then add diluted miso progressively, stirring and tasting as you go until it no longer tastes like you need to add salt;
Ladle into bowl, then crush and sprinkle toasted nori on top;
Consume, and be magically revived.
Option - if you need carbs to aid your recovery, cook noodles and place in bottom of bowl before adding soup.
While you're at it... In Tokyo we'd head for the local Ramen shop and get a huge bowl (yes, there is pork involved, so it's hardly veggy), spiced up to the brink of internal spontanious combustion, but it works.
Still one of my favourites anywhere I am...
Easy drunk Asian type soup.
Mince pork roll into balls.
Bring water to the boil with the pork balls, add some leeks, add a pork stock cube. Simmer a couple of minutes.
Chuck in glass thread noddles, and small cubes of soft (silken) tofu.
Season with fish sauce.
Add some shitake mushrooms if you are feeling posh.
One small life-regret is that I've never made it to the Far East to experience any of this stuff in its native form.
But as with any Japanese soup/broth with noodly option, I'm sure you can feed your meat frenzy by adding slices of pork, and/or use chicken stock - I haven't tried it, but it shouldn't affect the magic.
To acquire full wisdom on these matters, Tampopo is compulsory viewing.
http://www.tampopo.co.uk/
Been a few times, now I know where they got the name from (actually on their about us link - never checked before).
Used to do a good deal on Ramen soup-noodle dishes if a cinema ticket holder at Trafford Centre in Manchester. Sadly no longer.
The only problem with ramen is that it's hard enough to eat when sober. Once drunk, you may as well put your head in the bowl and save yourself the hassle of getting covered in food only gradually...
I do like noodles with a bit of sauce as quick fillers though.
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Cook it before you go out. It's delicious cold.
Cut a load of bacon into strips (streaky, ideally, because the bacon fat provides the only moisture in this). Put a sheet of pastry in a metal pie dish greased with butter. Arrange the strips in the pastry so that there are seven wells, one in the centre and six around it. Add black pepper, and maybe chopped parsley if you like, but obviously not salt. Break whole eggs into the wells. Put another sheet of pastry on top, and seal the edges. If you're clever and want to show off, cut beautiful delicate leaves out of pastry and stick them on top. Glaze the pastry with milk or beaten egg. Bake for about 45 min, until golden. If you buy ready-rolled pastry, this is about as easy as cooking gets.
Eat with good ketchup or baked beans. The whole egg yolks are what really make it.
My mum claims this was a standard British dish until it was ousted by the Great French Quiche Invasion. But my mum says a lot of things. Whatever, it's fantastic.
Sticky Pasta
1) Open tin of tuna in oil. Must be in oil.
2) empty onto large plate
3) Boil spaghetti in a pan, with the plate with the tuna on as a lid.
4) once done, remove plate and drain spaghetti
5) grate copious quantities of cheddar cheese onto now warm tuna
6) put spaghetti on top of cheese
7) grate on more cheese
8) mix thoroughly
9) microwave plate for 1 min
10) splash on tobacco
11) eat with knife and fork. there is no way you can do the windy thing with the spoon if you have made it right, as everything will be one big lump of pasta tuna and cheese.
12) wash down with more of what you were drinking before
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