ALIENS ARE COMING: Chief NASA boffin in shock warning

First contact with alien life will happen very soon, claims NASA's Chief Scientist Ellen Stofan. During a panel discussion regarding NASA's search for habitable worlds and alien life, Stofan said: "I think we're going to have strong indications of life beyond Earth within a decade, and I think we're going to have definitive …

[MacroRodent]

Gross problems

" eventually going to take humans on the surface of Mars "

One problem here is that taking humans to Mars will almost certainly contaminate it with Earth microbes. (Where do the astronauts put their poo? They will certainly not take it back to Earth, for cost reasons). It would be safer to look for life with probes, which are easier to sterilize (and don't poo).

[Rikkeh]

Re: Gross problems

We may ourselves be the descendants of a microbes which came here on an egg sandwich (or the equivalent) disgarded by an alien picnicker.

(hat tip to Terry Pratchett for the idea)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Gross problems

"ALIENS ARE COMING"

So that explains why they walk like that!

[LaeMing]

Re: Gross problems

Earth and Mars have been exchanging pieces of rock (blown off each respectively by large meteor impacts) for the entire age of the solar system. Any contamination is already long done.

[MacroRodent]

Re: Gross problems

I'm not convinced anything would remain alive on those exchanged rocks. They get very hot on both take-off and landing, and are cooked by radiation for thousands of years in between.

[Sealand]

Who are the aliens anyway?

So when they come, will it be two guys with a flag or a fleet of gunships with lasers ?

Oh, WE are the aliens that are coming? Two guys with a flag, then. And a scoop.

[Brewster's Angle Grinder]

Re: Who are the aliens anyway?

That's one of the many reasons for liking Forbidden Planet: the humans arrive in a flying saucer.

[Destroy All Monsters]

Re: Who are the aliens anyway?

They might well bring the freedoms: The Liberation of Earth

[WylieCoyoteUK]

Actually....

We've been here for a while, but you simple humanoids are easily fooled.

You won't even believe this post.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: Actually....

Hey, did you also hitch a ride with a teaser?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

This is UKIP and we want you alien lot gone.

[WylieCoyoteUK]

Re: Actually....

Nigel is one of our finest operators. Blends right in, doesn't he?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

If Nigel is the best you can do at blending in, humanity is pretty safe - I thought with your fancy FTL spaceships and stealth and billion year old technologies you could make something that looked more human and would pass a Turing test.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: Actually....

Was it a rush job? Looks like you got the wrong size skin for the head...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

It's not easy to get a good fit on a reptile.

[Michael Maxwell]

Re: Actually....

What, you think we want to look as ugly as you humans?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

> We've been here for a while, but you simple humanoids are easily fooled.

Here at ElReg, we're quite proud of our resident alien - amanfrommars.

[amanfromMars 1]

Re: Actually.... @AC, and the Power of Global Operating Devices

We've been here for a while, but you simple humanoids are easily fooled.

Here at ElReg, we're quite proud of our resident alien - amanfrommars. ..... Anonymous Coward

And more than just easily led to believe in virtually anything with practically nothing supporting their existence, either in the past or the present. That makes the entire race vulnerable to grooming, both subtle and surreal and spectacular.

Time, El Regers, for a program and projects to show what can be done from an alien space and secure place. More anon.

[Mark 85]

Re: Actually.... @AC, and the Power of Global Operating Devices

Time, El Regers, for a program and projects to show what can be done from an alien space and secure place. More anon.

A fully operational battle station, I presume?

[Martin Budden]

Re: Actually.... @AC, and the Power of Global Operating Devices

A fully operational battle station, I presume?

I vote for one which could be mistaken for a moon.

[launcap]

Re: Actually.... @AC, and the Power of Global Operating Devices

> A fully operational battle station, I presume?

> I vote for one which could be mistaken for a moon.

Maybe (gasp) we already have! Those are not random craters y'know..

Either that or the egg of some myserious space creature that can (equally mysteriously) generate an egg that weighs the same as it did without causing eddies (hi Eddie!) in the space-time continuum.

[amanfromMars 1]

Re: Actually.... @AC, and the Power of Global Operating Devices

Time, El Regers, for a program and projects to show what can be done from an alien space and secure place. More anon.

A fully operational battle station, I presume? ….. Mark 85

Of course, Mark 85, anything less would negligent and leave room for the exploitation of attack facilities. And with an infinitely variable suite of omniscient weapons systems, both virtual and real enough to be surprisingly and spectacularly practical and creatively disruptive and even destructive whenever necessary/decidedly desirable is it, and IT too, an Asset not to be trifled with or ignored in the hope of things not changing rapidly and stealthily

You can’t make a fine and perfect omelette without breaking eggs and, by Jove, do animals on crazy Earth deserve a fundamental and revolutionary change that forlorn hope and promises have failed miserably to deliver, monitor and mentor.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

David Vincent here, you haven't fooled me ! I'll get someone to eventually believe me after 47 years of trying.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Actually....

"We've been here for a while, but you simple humanoids are easily fooled.

You won't even believe this post."

No worries, we at NASA have files on you.

[Sir Runcible Spoon]

Sir

So, with all that water hanging around waiting to be scooped up, all we need to do is crack fusion and we can be on our way to the stars?

So, 20 years then? Grand.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Re: Sir

Fusion? Why not skip fusion and get into bistromathics directly

[Martin Budden]

Re: Sir

You might be under the impresssion that Bodmin is a dull town in Cornwall, but it is actually the most mysterious bistromathical nonabsolute number.

[launcap]

Re: Sir

> all we need to do is crack fusion

Nah. What we really, really need is to discover thiotimoline! Or (reaching even further back in my reading habits) discover how to negate inertia whilst simultaneously discovering/being given personal devices that enable telepathy..

[Doctor Syntax]

"I'm a field geologist. I go out and break open rocks and look for fossils,"

Being a field geologist trained on Earth is likely to go with an expectation of finding evidence of life.

[Gordon 10]

Well they couldn't find any field geologists trained on Mars.

[Fink-Nottle]

Strictly speaking they'd be areologists.

[Destroy All Monsters]

"Field geologists trained on Mars" on a CV would cause most of Earth's Three Letter Agencies to pursue you as if you had eyes filled with black oil.

[hi_robb]

May I bethe first

To welcome our Ganymede and Europa dwelling new overlords.

D

[Steven 1]

Re: May I bethe first

+1

Not enough 'new overlord' references these days...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: May I bethe first

Not enough is still far too many.

[Alistair]

@ WylieC :

You lot from Antares are just low life pond scum teat suckers. Go Home.

Those of us from the outer arm are actually making progress trying to teach this species about reality.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

And slood? Have you taught them about slood yet?

[Vinyl-Junkie]

As anyone knows, slood is slightly easier to discover than fire [hence icon] and only marginally harder to discover than water. We have tried to teach humanity how to discover slood, yet as most of them, particularly the ones involved with something called "politics", "government" or "celebrity" have difficulty finding their posterier protruberence with both of their upper digital endpoints, we are struggling in this respect...

[wolfetone]

Obviously NASA hasn't heard of Roswell and Area 51.

[b166er]

Perhaps not, but Mulder has and he's back soon!

[JeffyPoooh]

Predictions...

Stofan said: "I think we're going to have strong indications of life beyond Earth within a decade, and I think we're going to have definitive evidence within 20 to 30 years."

Or maybe within a century, and within 200 to 300 years.

Precisely as valid a wild-ass guess as his.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Predictions...

Precisely as valid a wild-ass guess as his.

I think you'll find that Ellen Stofan is of the female gender. That kind of slip could get you crucified in The Guardian's comments sections.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Predictions...

Scandalous!

I don't come here to look at microaggressions! It's massively triggering to misgender someone like that! posjago lew;qmbs hbdp

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[

][k[p

g

3ihgewmqpkhm

Sorry, whenever I channel that kind of thinking, my brain locks up to prevent permanent damage

[Mark 85]

Re: Predictions...

That kind of slip could get you crucified in The Guardian's comments sections.

I'm surprised a certain faction in Congress hasn't done that yet. After all, any fule knows the entire universe is only 6,000 years old and God put only us on a perfect world... <cough> BS<cough>

[Basjoe]

Re: Predictions...

He is a she... (somewhat like the spoiler alert for The Crying Game..)

[launcap]

Re: Predictions...

> He is a she...

And walks on the wild side?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Predictions...

What would the Pierson Puppeteers' equivalent of the "Guardian" look like?

[Captain DaFt]

Re: Predictions...

Given the timescale, they'll no doubt arrive in fusion powered flying cars.

[Kaltern]

The more the public discover about UFO sightings and all the other alien-related stories, the less cover ups will be effective.

This is just a precursor to the announcement that we knew all along.

Nerve centre for

Asylum

Seeking

Aliens.

[Mike Pellatt]

So, I might as well stop donating all those spare CPU cycles to SETIathome then.