LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

We invite readers to raise a glass or two today to autopilot wrangler Linus Penzlien, who touched down in Spain yesterday afternoon ahead of an intensive week of Vulture 2 spaceplane Pixhawk custom parameter programming and testing. And here is the man himself meeting local lass Ruperta this morning ahead of an intensive …

[joeW]

Digital Impact Limitation for Deciduous Obstacles

[Marcus Aurelius]

I don't mean to be critical but

As far as I can tell the earliest LOHAN proposals date from 2011. Couldn't you get a real lander on the moon in this sort of timeframe?

[Ben Bonsall]

Truss In Tree Will Always Necessitate Krane. :(

[Simon Rockman]

It's not just LOHAN

Trees attract kites too. I used to work in a kite shop and saw a number of mangled kites on a regular basis.

[GrumpyOF]

Re: It's not just LOHAN

I am sure that something from Peanuts is applicable here:

http://www.peanuts.com/search/?pubdate=&sort_by=bydate&seasonal=&startdate=&enddate=&selectcharacter=&keyword=kite+eating+tree&type=comic_strips#.U-imIlerZTt

[ukgnome]

Bypass Arbour Protective System

[Anomalous Cowturd]

BRASTRAP and...

Penzlien's Automated Nearby Tree Intelligent Evasion System.

[Anomalous Cowturd]

Re: BRASTRAP and...

Near Instantaneous Patent Pending Limb Evasion System...

[Ben Bonsall]

Re: BRASTRAP and...

After it fails to spot something and gets updated, it can be called

Newly Optimized PANTIES

or even

PANTI Extended Location/Evasion/Swerving System

[GregC]

Not necessarily on a LOHAN theme...

...but in honour of a much loved TV show that I've just been watching again

Imminent Tree Collision Remediation On Woodland Detection

[lawndart]

offers:

As my last attempt at an acronym resulted with being mentioned in despatches for rudeness I offer

LARCH

Lohan Arborial Repulsion Code Hack.

Presumably Ruperta converts everything into assembly language?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: offers:

+1 for (The) LARCH

minor modification?

Lohan Arborial Repulsion Coded Heuristic

and of course it has to have a function called HowToRecogniseATreeFromQuiteALongWayAway(...)

[Miss Config]

LINUS Penzlien ?

Just to be 100% clear his name is NOT Linux.

[Barely registers]

GOT WOOD

Gets Out The Way Of Obstructive Deciduousness.

/contrived

[Phil O'Sophical]

I wouldn't have hoped that any modern flying vehicle would be equipped with a

Reinforced Arboreal Detection And Repulsion system.

Sorry, I know it's polite, but I'm in work...

[dotdavid]

In the spirit of sowing confusion about El Reg's spaceplane projects...

Professional Arboreal Reverse Interception System

[Anonymous Coward]

Between the Obstacles Navigation Kit

[Dr. Mouse]

Oi Loikes, ARMADILLOs!

[Paul_Murphy]

My suggestions so far

Safe Landing Under Trees System

High Altitude Rentry Detect Correct Or Reject Emergency Software EXample

Careful And Methodical Extraneous Local Tree Observation Engine

[Ugotta B. Kiddingme]

Re: My suggestions so far

+1 for CAMELTOE

[Terrence Bayrock]

Re: My suggestions so far

+2 for CAMELTOE

[lawndart]

says

Small Program Usually Reduces Tree Impacts Near Ground

[Come to the Dark Side]

Seeing as it's "under the skirts" of LOHAN...

Trees and Woodland Avoidance Technology

[Pet Peeve]

Rude, yet perfect.

[Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese]

Tree Impending Time To Impact Evaluation System

to be partnered with Branch Entry Evasion Rig

[Phil O'Sophical]

or...

In the spirit of the plucky Playmonaut's thought processes in those last few metres:

¡Automated Yet Comprehensive Arboreal Recognition And Magnetic Branch Avoidance!

¡Ay Caramba!

[Anonymous Cowerd]

TASK

Tree Avoidance Survival Kit

Not very racy, I know.

[Ben Bonsall]

Leaf And Branch Incursion Avoidance

[VinceH]

Arboreal Recognition and Evasion System.

Yes, I know the E and S are the wrong way around. It's Monday, and I'm still tired.

Arboreal Recognition and System for Evasion just doesn't quite work.

[Soap Distant]

VinceH I think we got hit by the same inspiration particle!

[richardcox13]

> VinceH I think we got hit by the same inspiration particle!

Clearly some form of particle cloning going on, because it seems to be bouncing around here as well!

However, in proper abbreviation creation mode I reverse the last two words:

Arboreal Recognition System for Evasion.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Arboreal Recognition System for Evasion does though...

As long as we know our ARSE from our ELBOW

[Dr. Mouse]

Yes, I know the E and S are the wrong way around.

"Arboreal Recognition System for Evasion" works

[Soap Distant]

...

Arboreal Reconnaisance and Survival Engine

SD

[Colin Miller]

The Advanced Recognisance and Avoidance Pattern for Trees - aka Tara P-T (Palmer-Tomkinson)

[John Brown (no body)]

In all this ar(se)boreal excitment....

...I do hope the ELBOW, Evasion of Large Body Of Water hasn't been forgotten.

RiP Playmonaut hero.

[lawndart]

says (again)

Lohan Upgrade Spots Trees

Re-entry Utility Program Enables Rapid Tree Avoidance

Geomagnetic Tree Avoidance Variant (Laurel, Ash, Chestnut, Elm, Yew, Juniper, Oak, Now As Standard)

Magnetic Anomaly Detector Brings Inspired Tree Collision Hack.

[Anonymous Cowerd]

Branch Avoidance Positional System

[Kevin Johnston]

Whatever the final name,

just keep taking the Tree/Air Boundary Location/Evasion Tactics

[TRT]

How about...

Dendrifugion Routine (Autonomous Guidance)

Part of the

Flight Library (Autonomous Guidance) System

Incorporating

Soft Landing (Autonomous Guidance)

Ballocket Launch (Autonomous Guidance)

[breakfast]

Nominative determinism

Would PARIS have even had that name if it wasn't for a strong relationship with wood? Perhaps some things are so utterly inevitable there is no point fighting them.

Failing that:

Collision Rerouting Autopilot System Heuristic

Ballocket Undercarriage Safety Harness

[paulc]

B.A.R.E.-A.S.S

Branch

And

Root

Evasion

-

Automatic

Steering

System

[Zash]

TITS: To Improve Tree Shirking

[Mike Moyle]

NUTS

Nowt Up Trees System

[mike2R]

AREOLA

Airborne Realtime Emergency Orthogonal Log Avoidance

[Anonymous Coward]

THONG

Tree

Height

Obstacle

Navigation

Gizmo

[TRT]

Vegetation

Avoiding

Guidance

Inclusion for

Navigation

Autopilot

[Captain DaFt]

TATAS

Technical Avionics Tree Avoidance System

[startrex]

STARS - Steer True and Return Safe

[Farmer Fred]

A bit weak, but...

Nodal

Operating

Program

Avoiding

Nasty

Tree

Strike