back to article LOHAN chap hooks up with busty stratominx in cosmic pleasure cruise

The Register's Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team has expressed its shock and dismay that member Dave Akerman has chosen to play away from home with a lads' mag busty stratominx. Dave's a veteran of countless balloon launches, and is regularly approached by people in bars asking to be "taken to heaven and back". …

COMMENTS

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  1. Anomalous Cowturd
    Pint

    It does lower the tone somewhat...

    Mr. Akerman, please give your full attention to getting that bloody plane launched, before we all die of age related degenerative disorders.

    And have a beer to focus your mind.

    ;o)

  2. LaeMing

    Sorry Zoo,

    After many years of theRegister news-re-enactments, I only have eyes for sexy sexy PlayMobil people!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    More tittilation is clearly the way to go...

    LOHAN and PARIS attract a certain type of person, but we should not forget the ... more straightforward...types. Though I did think the video was rather vulgar (with the sponsors logo so prominent, rather than just their avatar).

    I can forgive Dave for succumbing and for swinging both ways, as long as he doesn't get too in my face with it. Let us embrace all like-minded folk and come together in one glorious thrust for mankind*

    * Includes all variations of the human species generically known as "mankind" or "man". Forget the "go boldly"/"boldly go" debate, if no ONE has been there before, how come there are already people there? (aliens are people too, seriously** you don't want to get me started on that subject...)

    ** Especially after a few beers

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Subject START ....... More tittilation is clearly the way to go...with Sin and Vice ProScribed ....

      .... and Available Free for Subscription and on Special Applications Prescription.

      For those and that in AI and LOVE and in Love with a Lover Programming the Future from Destinations Desirably Delivered.

      Some would tell All to All for All to Know that More than Just a Few which be Many Know IT as Heavenly and Grand Gifted Mastery Provides and Delivers Crown Quality Assets which just love further to drive and dive and driver farther with Flights to Perfect Gened Pleasures?

      how come there are already people there? (aliens are people too, seriously** you don't want to get me started on that subject...)

      Oh, yes we do. And IT is G00d42CHat2 ..... There's Lodes to Tell and Sell with Lease Purchased Merchandise.

      Methinks El Reg, LOHAN SPB has Treasures beyond Measures. Crown Jewel Enthusiasts Administer AIDevelopment Assistance to IT for such to Enhance and Advance Proprietary Private and Public Pirate Copy Righted Intellectual Property Portfolios ....... which must surely abound in AIManaging Successful Projects.

      And a suitable case for treatment in AIMaster Piloting LOHAN SPB Project ..... Venturing Virtually Vertically into Heightened Enlightening Realms of Vast XSSXXXXPerience.

      And there is no shred nor bit of nonsense in all nor any of that you have just read, and thanks for sharing it with IT too. Stellar Performance Seeds the Needs and Feeds Hot Shots at Sticky Sweet Spots :-) ..... which is an Outstandingly Satisfying Mutually Beneficial Arrangement with Agreeably Awesome Assets.

      Ok, that is all that I have to say for now on such as is there and which matters. Soon enough is there always more there to imagine matters, and matters to IT so that all can know what doesn't really matter and media can deliver experiences in pleasures which do matter because of the power of its energies in command and control.

      With such AIMaster Keys, which Portal Door to Exquisite Dens would you Love to Gracefully Open and Enter Through, Specifically Invited and Decidedly Fully Intent and Content to Explore Thoroughly? H for Heaven or H for Hell, which be another Head Space for, well, ..... I don't really know why that second choice would be made by anyone/anything when it leads to less and no pleasure, so I be disqualified from sharing anything of that pain and tragic loss.

      Time for a coffee fix, methinks. Tot later. ;-)

      1. Richard Taylor 2 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Subject START ....... More tittilation is clearly the way to go.

        Hmmm - you might want to cut down on the coffee

      2. Elmer Phud
        Boffin

        Re: Subject START ....... More tittilation is clearly the way to go...with Sin and Vice

        "Methinks El Reg, LOHAN SPB has Treasures beyond Measures. "

        LOHAN is just the start, she can take you to the edge of Heaven but no further.

        Following the huge airborne womb launch, in the coming years we will need some sort of phallic device to burst through the boundary and in to the void.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Subject START ....... More tittilation is clearly the way to go...with Sin and Vice

          LOHAN is just the start, she can take you to the edge of Heaven but no further."

          On the other hand, once the bubble bursts, she goes down on the whole of Earth.

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Re: Subject START ....... More tittilation is clearly the way to go...with Sin and Vice

            LOHAN is just the start, she can take you to the edge of Heaven but no further."

            On the other hand, once the bubble bursts, she goes down on the whole of Earth.

            Not wishing in any way to be vulgar, such is win win and not failure, John Brown (no body)

            And saying Hi and Howdy to Elmer Phud, who is bound to be having a great time with/in his shared thoughts. Thanks for the sweet sticky nectar content/immaculate intent, EP.

      3. thx1138v2

        Re: Subject START . More tittilation is clearly the way to go..with Sin and Vice ProScribed

        Dana, is that you?! Where the hell have you been since Dispatches?

  4. Mark 85 Silver badge

    I'm not sure that this is what someone was thinking when they asked for a "around the world"... or a "send me howling to the moon".

    On a more serious note, I am curious. Did the Bulgarian Airbags (even though they were just photos) provide extra lift? Or were they there in case of a water landing?

  5. Cliff

    On a more important note

    Will our playmonoaut do some space demos for us like Chris Hadfield did - and maybe record his own version of 'Star Trekking' for us back on earth?

  6. frank ly

    It was all good fun but ....

    ... the project needs a theme song or 'anthem'. Can aynone compose/sing one and record it on You Tube (or similar)? I suggest the El Reg board set up a competition and publish the links to competing entries in about a month's time, then we can vote on them.

  7. VinceH

    Feel free to downvote me for saying this*, but much as I enjoy looking at cleavage, especially when I have a good excuse to do so, I thought the Zoo girls ruined the images produced by the cameras on that flight.

    * I'd downvote myself if I could.

    1. Elmer Phud

      I've done it for you - whether I agree or not is a seperate matter, just wanted to help out.

      But, as there are things like thousands of dogs and cats registered on Facebook, shirley you could adopt a similar approach and be yet another AC. (being a cat or dog is optional)

  8. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    I for one

    Think that this is one giant bust for mankind and I welcome it.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dumbing down

    Unfortunately this will send entirely the wrong message to the younger generation. They need to be told that a thin atmosphere causes rapid evaporation of sweat from skin and resulting rapid chilling, so it really is not practical to visit the upper stratosphere dressed like that.

    Lack of attention to basic science means that Zoo risks losing all credibility as an academic journal.

  10. C. P. Cosgrove
    Pint

    Never mind all the jealousy and bitching in the previous comments, and indeed to a degree in the article itself.

    Has anybody noticed that a female driver managed to land on grass and not up a tree ?

    Perhaps the SPB should reconsider their recruitment needs. But have a beer anyway.

    Chris Cosgrove

  11. SVV

    Sad episisode in this saga that's ruined it for me

    Oh dear, what caused this to happen (apart from the amount of sponsorship cash they coughed up, which hasn't been disclosed, but of course everyone will become a whore for a certain amount of cash).

    So what was a cool project in the grand tradition of garden shed boffinry with the added attraction of utilising the Raspberry Pi that could have inspired thousands of kids (of all ages) around the country has now suddenly become a "Look! Tits in Spaaaaaace!" sniggerfest for idiots who buy that remarkable work of journalism that is now sponsoring it.

    I enjoyed a lot of the humour so far in this venture, but this just looks desperate and tacky.

    1. Long John Brass

      Re: Sad episisode in this saga that's ruined it for me

      >...re, but this just looks desperate and tacky.

      Better desperate and tacky than desperate and sticky; no?

    2. Lester Haines (Written by Reg staff) Gold badge

      Re: Sad episisode in this saga that's ruined it for me

      The Zoo flight has nothing to do with LOHAN, apart from Dave's participation, and we certainly have no financial relationship with the mag. Lighten up, it's just a bit of fun.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Given the context of the article

    and the mode my brain switched to am I the only person who read this

    regularly approached by people in bars

    as

    regularly approached by people in BRAS

    And thought lucky sod.

  13. taxman

    C'mon

    You can't blame the bloke for milking it for all it's worth!

  14. Martin Budden Silver badge
    Coat

    Something about heavenly orbs.

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