back to article Google's mystery barge flounces out of San Fran, heads to Stockton

Google's mysterious barge has dropped anchor at Stockton after it was forced to set sail from its former home in San Francisco. It is now moored 80 miles away from its original berth at Treasure Island in a rundown town known as a hotbed of gang violence. Google was forced to set sail after the San Francisco Bay Conservation …

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  1. ZenCoder

    Its a security test

    They give each of their most trusted employee's a completely different but plausible enough story along with forged supporting documents and strict orders to keep their mouth shut.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Block 1 of new off-shore tax haven

    My mate Greg explained it to me. Once the remaining barges are constructed, this and a few more will moor offshore outside of nation's EEA and outside the event horizon of any pesky tax inspectors.

    1. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: Block 1 of new off-shore tax haven

      Yeah yeah, the old libertarian offshore city idea. Here's the rub. How does the chocolate factory get to their new offshore city without attracting the fed's attention ON THE WAY? IOW, moor offshore and the US can just consider the installation an international location and impose taxes, tariffs, customs dues, etc. on anything heading to or coming from there. And given that a lot of Google's customers are in the US, it would be kinda hard to avoid the port of entry.

      1. Captain DaFt

        Re: Block 1 of new off-shore tax haven

        "moor offshore and the US can just consider the installation an international location and impose taxes, tariffs, customs dues, etc. on anything heading to or coming from there."

        Wot, and risk retaliation from the Skynet military forces of the Principality of Schmidtland?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Barge is...

    A large, mobile, prototype data center. It will be able to moor off shore just far enough to be in International Waters and thus PAY NO TAXES.

    Stockton will continue to be the (or one of the) anus of California.

    1. Ian Michael Gumby

      Re: The Barge is...

      Offshore data center?

      Ok, so how fast can you pump data in to it?

      Is microwave fast as fiber?

      1. TheRealRoland

        Re: The Barge is...

        The Raft?

      2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: The Barge is...

        Is microwave fast as fiber?

        Faster. Propagation speed in fibre is ~ 66% of that in free space. Bandwidth is a different matter.

    2. Ole Juul

      End of world SALE

      . . . or even a new kind of Biblical ark, so all the oompah-loompahs can sale off two by two when the world finally ends.

      Sounds like a two for one.

    3. pierce

      Re: The Barge is...

      except, offshore of California, the open pacific ocean is some of the gnarliest seas in the world. the 200 mile limit puts you WAY out past the end of the continental shelf, where the ocean floor is several miles deep.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    drugs?

    Stockton fits

  5. ginger_tosser

    prison ships...

    I reckon it's a floating hotel/workspace to get around those pesky immigration laws.

  6. Mark 85 Silver badge

    New Corporate Headquarters?

    Move it to international waters and no one anywhere, can tax it. Or control it.

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: New Corporate Headquarters?

      unless you are Apple - Cupertino will do just fine.

  7. jake Silver badge

    It's a free advertising generator.

    And ElReg fell for it, just like the rest of the mass-media. Remember, the ONLY thing the goo-tards are good at is advertising. On the Internet, it is trivially block-able (thankfully!), but in the mass-media, maybe not so much.

    The only thing Stockton is good for is as a reminder to turn East on Hwy 4 in order to head for California's unknown Wine Country, i.e. Calaveras County.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lots of power required, excess heat generated, no one allowed onboard....

    ....they're growing dope!

    Now it's moved to an area known for crime and gang violence. I wonder if it will be a "calming influence" on the locals ;-p

  9. BongoJoe
    Megaphone

    Special Needs

    One must have a special type of homesickness to want to name one's new town in one's new country after the original Stockton...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Makes no sense as a Google Glass/advanced tech showroom

    Why would they move it to Stockton if it were? Stockton isn't the end of the Earth, but its going to be hard to get lots of tech consumers to drive out there for a demonstration. Likewise makes no sense as an exec retreat for Google execs, who are now 80 miles away.

    I'm voting for secret multi-media indoctrination center! Imagine being strapped into a chair "Clockwork Orange" style, while Larry Page voiceover keeps repeating "Google Glass is chic and stylish! Google+ is your friend!!"

  11. Chris G Silver badge

    World Domination

    In the competition for World Advertising Domination with Farcebook and the rest, Farcebook has already mentioned dominating the skies with balloons and droning people to death with ads from above. The Borgle Barges will travel the world assimilating cyborg modemnauts to take Borgle to new frontiers where no Borg has been before and to then assault the frontiers with targeted advertising.

  12. David Pollard

    "A staging post for some upcoming alien invasion"?

    I for one welcome etc...

  13. Simon Sharwood, Reg APAC Editor

    Murders?

    I've watched The Wire. Twice. Law abiding folks need not worry about the murders. Just don't be on the wrong corner when the shooting starts.

    1. Throatwobbler Mangrove

      Re: Murders?

      You're trying to be funny but it's callous and incorrect to suggest that murder victims brought their deaths upon themselves by engaging in illegal activity. (And it's not even what happens in The Wire).

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Skynet anyone?

    Google research is working on a wonderful new technology that will allow computers and humans to interact on a whole new level. The computer will be able to act and react to human behavior with little to no noticeable difference. They will be well armed and will act as a police force to subdue any miscreants brave enough to attempt any sort of uprising........

  15. TheBigCat

    Drone Army

    They might be building a drone army.

  16. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    One Small Source Step into Quantum Leaping Man and Virtual Machines.

    Luckily, the internet has come up with a few theories about what's going on in there, with some whackjobs suggesting that Google is building a centre for electronic sorcery or a staging post for some upcoming alien invasion.

    Other cranks claimed it was a slave ship containing imprisoned extraterrestrials or even a new kind of Biblical ark, so all the oompah-loompahs can sale off two by two when the world finally ends.

    More prosaic explanations indicate it will be a showroom for Google Glass and other products, or even a stately pleasure dome for all the Chocolate Factory's top dogs to enjoy various leisure pursuits.

    So what is Google building inside the mystery barge? Let us know what you think.

    I’m thinking all three working together would guarantee Great Times in Surreal Places with Beautifully Sleazy Spaces the Sweetest of Sticky Addictions and the Bonus Attraction of Google Interest.

    Now where’s that coat? Permission to come on aboard, Google. Nice to see you, to see you nice:-)

    And is there a Google Barge for Titanic Dock Landings?* …… Devastated Arena Areas with Fab Fabless Paint Hall Studio Berths for Programmed Project Post Productions Birthing …… of NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive Virtual Reality Enterprise Zones. Pockets where Packets of Private Proprietary and Public Pirate Intellectual Property Portfolio and Protocols are Shared and Exercised Accordingly to Engage and Enhance and Extend to Eternity, the Passionate Needs of Satisfying Feeds with Satisfied Seeds ……. and they be Avidly Viral and Enchantingly Virile and Vexingly Vivacious all at the same time together in Projects XSSXXXXStreaming.

    RSVP ….. El Reg.

    * Or do Locals and Returned and Returning Ex Pats and On The Runs build them themselves for Google Interest Investment with Slush Funding and Fast Flash Cash Spending Guaranteeing Aided Civil Military and Civic Paramilitary Protection and Support ......with Advanced AIDevelopment Tools.

    RSVP ..... Palace Barracks and Stormont

    cc .... El Reg

  17. BoldMan

    Its a floating bordello for Google execs, its obvious!

  18. Alan Esworthy

    Misdirection

    Google is doing something naughty somewhere else and they want us busy not noticing. Barge is mostly empty.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Skynet...

    It contains enough computers for an AI, and a self contained power source for it. As soon as the AI achieves self-awareness, there'll no doubt be calls from worried legislators and governments to shut it down. Being on a barge that can just sail off somewhere into international waters, under no-ones jurisdiction, and that can't just have someone flick a switch to cut off the power, is likely their plan to avoid that.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      ACT 1, APT 1 ….. Skynetbots

      Skynet....It contains enough computers for an AI, and a self contained power source for it. As soon as the AI achieves self-awareness, there'll no doubt be calls from worried legislators and governments to shut it down. Being on a barge that can just sail off somewhere into international waters, under no-ones jurisdiction, and that can't just have someone flick a switch to cut off the power, is likely their plan to avoid that. .. Anonymous Coward

      And now, since a Skynet captures all communications channels for mentoring and onward and forward operating base/barge/berth distribution of smarter information for better and faster intelligence growth, what does AI Google do with what can be done?

      Everything Creative and Nothing Wilfully Destructive and Disruptive will Guarantee Probably 99% Greater Support with AIR&dDHeads .... Advanced IntelAIgent Research and digital Development Heads in Live Operational Virtual Environments Play Space Places.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Here's what's happening

    The google information mining and collation process is fast, but the side effect is the creation of 'binary information shards', clusters of semi-hazardous, volatile but meaningless 1s and 0s.

    The first attempt to dispose of these was to create a virtual currency and have greedy tech folk pay to own some of the waste. This went well until the recent implosion of its primary exchange, caused by a fatal stochastic imbalance of 1s and 0s, leading to an out-of-control 'binary run-off'.

    So now the unwanted binary information shards are cooled to near absolute-zero, loaded onto these refrigerator barges, and towed out to a third-world area of the US where no one will notice or care. At their destination the collection of semi-unstable bits is slowly warmed and left to self-cluster and mutate into bytes, words, double words, blobs and finally Windows 8.x hot-fixes, where they can be loaded into millions of PCs around the world and made safe and inert.

    Very clever.

  21. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    In the Beginning when IT Started is No None Prepared and Almed? ....

    .... which be AILeading Question. RSVP

    The google information mining and collation process is fast, but the side effect is the creation of 'binary information shards', clusters of semi-hazardous, volatile but meaningless 1s and 0s.

    Only meaningless when 1s and 0s are entangled badly/incorrectly. Perfectly Phormed do they Command Computer Controlled Centres.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: In the Beginning when IT Started is No None Prepared and Almed? ....

      Is it just me, or is the amfM bot cloning itself? Perhaps the AC a rival bot?

      This could get fun :-)

      PARRY wants to know details, and is checking under the bed tonight ...

  22. Tail Up
    Black Helicopters

    BH Weather Report

    Ah. Stockton. A safe, secure and more reliable stay. SF is opened to all winds from the sea.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: BH Weather Report

      Tail Up, I suggest you eyeball current wind directions in Central California.

  23. oldhand

    Looking at Stockton, CA in Google maps one can see the town and a meandering river with a tiny marina. I bet there is no salt water in Stockton, and no dock. So who started this rumour of it being the destination for the GoogleBarge ? A PR company ?

    1. Tail Up
      Pirate

      Surfaced On Corks

      Hi oldhand, the first upvote is mine, for me it was absolutely comprehensively written in black on white it's a MYSTERY barge (-: Just look at these sun-protected legotainers, the one falling out from the rack has convenient handles for entering - http://www.sfexaminer.com/sanfrancisco/google-barge-makes-move-from-sf-bay-to-stockton/Content?oid=2722960 . All for the people, there's a party in the town.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Surfaced On Corks

        Nah. The only Greater Bay Area "mystery barge" was HMB-1.

        RIP "Sea Shadow". What a waste. She should have been preserved.

        1. Tail Up

          Re: RIP "Sea Shadow"

          Hi jake, new day on. There must be another ones like her. If you go Lockheed, you should know.

    2. jake Silver badge

      @oldhand

      The Port of Stockton is capable of handling Panamax container ships, and does on a daily basis. It is on the San Joaquin River, the largest of Central California's rivers. It's also part of the California Delta, a tidal estuary ... The salt content varies according to freshwater flow from the river, which varies according to many variables.

      That said, Stockton is still just a jumping-off point for California's Gold Countryunknown Wine Country.

    3. Where not exists

      @oldhand

      Stockton is a significant inland port.

      http://www.dot.ca.gov/hq/tpp/offices/ogm/ships/Fact_Sheets/Port_of_Stockton_Fact_Sheet_073012.pdf

  24. Where not exists

    A hot time in the old town...

    One really has to wonder what the googlites were thinking when they decided to move their barge of recycled metal shipping containers to Stockton for the summer.

    http://www.weather.com/weather/wxclimatology/monthly/graph/95267

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