back to article The Bong's NEXT-mas Message for 2012

Christmas is traditionally a time of reconciliation, love and humility. So it's in that spirit that I am reaching out to all of my readers, to say... "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL: VICTORY IS MINE. THE BONG has WON!" I am aware that I have many critics: and many of you in the dying, meatspace world may not wish to hear this. For …


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  1. phil dude


    Did anyone else read that and think of the "Head of Brand" character....


  2. Mage Silver badge

    The scary bit?

    So true.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The only problem is that it all rings too true.

  4. Mtech25

    Lily Cole a supermodel?

    Has anyone seen that body shop image.. it gave me nightmares, but besides that i mean the rest is just a joke and not how things really work in the real world.... right?

  5. Cliff

    Fine line between funny and chilling...

    I love the Bong! posts, but rather wish they left me feeling more reassured than they do...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I wonder what he's been smoking....

    1. Euripides Pants

      Re: Hmmm....

      He drank the ¡Bong! water...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've talked to the 12 year olds of GDS

    So has the author of this piece.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Same us from this please!

    This is exactly the kind of overripe, reality deficient fluff newspeak that makes websites like cost half a billion dollars and still not work.

    None of these people can speak in any understandable language beyond "Moronese".

    Anyone who has to listen to this crap needs to be given the authority to bang the speaker/user over the head with a fire axe, stuff them in a contractor bag and tip them into a 150 HP woodchipper.

    No wonder nobody can get anything right.

    "Bongs" have nothing to do with it, in fact that might bring a little clarity especially since it seems these people have been eating MDMA like Fruit Loops Cereal.

    1. tfewster

      Re: Same us from this please!

      Um - you _do_ realise the Bong articles are satire, right? Though they're not far from the BS that actually gets spouted by "thought leaders".

      +1 for the fire axe/body bag/woodchipper strategy tho'

  9. SVV

    No, you've all missed the point

    This is a very subtle satire on all those journalists who earn an extra freelance paycheque at the end of the year by rehashing the writing they've already been paid for in the last 12 months into a "Review of the Year" article, which has been achieved through the medium of doing exactly that himself.

    Not that I'm being critical, as I have never ever seen any valuable work done between mid December and New Year in the IT industry.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Here be some points you may be missing if ever asked ... What did you do in the Great Cyber Wars?

      Not that I'm being critical, as I have never ever seen any valuable work done between mid December and New Year in the IT industry. …. SVV Posted Saturday 21st December 2013 02:31 GMT

      You must have been looking in all the wrong places/spaces, SVV, or have not recognised valuable critical work in progress/beta mode .... e.g.

      And as for the substantive influence of primary bong product use, here, .... be part of a salutory tale, which can be further explored there ….

      The NSA personnel in Berlin were part of the Army Security Agency and came under army administrators for discipline. About 60 or 70 percent of NSA were smoking pot -- a lot of them while on duty. It's very relaxing, particularly when you're bored with the Russian or East German traffic that is coming through.

      The army didn't like pot?

      Well, the new colonel in charge, called Hamilton, who came from Army Airborne, wanted to arrest everyone that smoked it. DIRNSA, the director of NSA, its head in Fort Meade sent out a message saying that the colonel shouldn't do anything that would endanger the security of the country, meaning he should lay off. During those days NSA Berlin brought out an alternative newspaper called Up against the wall. A congressional inquiry followed with a senator and two generals on it but it too didn't become public.

      Merry XSSXXXmas, Folks, and Man, have we got a New Year for you for Proper Preparation and Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance Permitting Prime Prize Penetration and Perfect Private Pursuit of Public Projects and Pirate ProgramMING Parameters and there is much ado about everything being done and so much more to do and yet to be done for the future in the present, and free at long last from the right dodgy restraints which be cast, and have media performing casts and non state actors, rooted in an analogue past.

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