back to article NASA to make MAJOR ALIENS REVELATION this week

NASA has set the interwebs a-tremble with a teasing announcement to the global media that a news conference will be held in Washington DC on Thursday "to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life". The space agency's routine ploy of trailing major briefings in advance has …


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  1. Woodgie

    I for one...

    ...etc, etc, etc...

  2. Anonymous Coward

    I for one...

    welcome our now-moribund teenybopper web-2.0 socio-jibber-jabber guff-blurting overlords...

    Tough call as to amanfrommars or getmecoat icons

    1. Alien8n


      Where is he nowadays, not seen him posting in ages...

      1. Code Monkey

        Where is amanfrommars

        He went back home to sabotage the Mars rovers

        1. SkippyBing


          I saw a post from him on the Daily Telegraph website the other day. Mind you it stood out as being coherent over there...

  3. MattW

    Infinite monkeys

    Given the infinite vastness of the universe (and hence the inevitability of intelligent life therein), the law of probabilities means that in an alien language it's certain the Nicole's innocent sounding phrase actually translates to:

    "Bow before us alien underlings. We intend to launch an invasion force at our earliest possible convenience and you'll be sorry, mark my words"

    I'm pretty certain that the 'revelation' due this week will be that they've spotted an alien invasion fleet intent of having a bit of a pre-emptive strike.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward


      ... But due to an error in scale, the fleet was swallowed by a large dog.

    2. Captain Save-a-ho


      Don't forget the massive invasion caused by the phrase, "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel".

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Same invasion, wrong phrase

        The invasion was prompted by the Arthur Dent saying "I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle"......"which in the Vl'hurg tongue was the most dreadful insult imaginable."

      2. Colin Brett

        I think it was

        "I seem to be having tremendous problems with my lifestyle ..."

  4. raivn

    autonomous robotic organisms

    There is more to NASA than meets the eye

  5. Tim #3

    What's the chance

    They are reporting a recent observation of a small craft at high altitude with a humanoid occupant, spotted somewhere over Spain?

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Paris Hilton


      Can we have a Playmobil reconstruction?

      Oh wait...

  6. Anonymous Coward

    Initial speculations......

    Already plenty of speculation on what this could be about. Some initial guesses can be found at:

    1. Code Monkey

      Can I?

      Can I just assume their commentards are tinfoil hatted nutjobs* and just not bother?

      * who said "like the Reg". Come on, own up!

      1. Dr. Mouse

        I didn't say it

        I just thought it... :P

  7. Miek

    Boinc / SETI

    Perhaps that's why there's been so few jobs in my BOINC for the SETI project.

    1. Olafthemighty

      Re: BOINC / SETI

      Could be - they _say_ the servers got overloaded and are in the process of being replaced but I reckon they've been nabbed by NASA to hide the truth iof the upcoming invasion.

      Head for the hills!

  8. Anonymous Coward


    Maybe there's something in the wikileaks stuff that is going to blow the lid on something and the US gov't want to get in there first as a damage limitation exercise?

    1. Blofeld's Cat

      You mean...

      [Looks around furtively] McKinnon was right?

  9. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    Of course...

    SETI no longer has anything to do with NASA.

    Or is that just what they WANT us to think?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alien responses

    "anyway laters."

    "Anyway? Laters?! Do you know what kind of intergalactic intelligence you are talking to? Hello? DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME!"

  11. Drat

    Old news

    I suspect they are trying to rush out the news that we are run by space lizards before Assange spills the beans. Puts a new perspective on the global warming thingie, I'm sure there must be an angle for cold bloodied creatures attempting to meddle with earth's temperature...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Like most government agencies, NASA is obsessively secrative. It keeps things secret that aren't even worth keeping secret. Boring everyday stuff.

    We are unlikely to see any "big" releases from NASA until it stops labelling the small stuff as being confidential, and shredding all and sundry rather than allowing the tax paying public to find out that something trivial happened 50 years ago that nobody really cared about at the time, and which people care about even less now.

  13. Anonymous Coward


    They've found Santa!

    1. NB

      a title...

      That motherfucker better have the bicycle I asked for 17 years ago....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Ho Ho Ho......No bike for you, sonny!

        With language like that, you were put on the Naughty Boy list 17 years ago.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Same old same old

    It'll be yet another one of those vague things such as they've found methane or some compound that on Earth is only produced as a result of rotting bacteria or something, all of which means there might be the potential for the possibility that life could have or did once exist elsewhere, but there's absolutely no proof or even solid suggestion that it ever did.

    It's like watching a cheap & nasty version of Timeteam, where they find a manky old conker in the middle of a field and start talking about it as though it has Henry VIII's fingerprints all over it and is almost certainly the six-er that flew off the string when he used it in Hampton court whilst playing against Catherine Parr, causing his wife to shout out "Stampsies, you tart!".

    She was beheaded shortly thereafter, hence the popular Engish saying "always let the king win otherwise he'll pop a cap up yo ass".

    If this information isn't taken from Wikipedia, could someone kindly add it?

    1. Anonymous Coward


      Best post ever

    2. Red Bren

      Catherine Parr Survived

      She was his last wife and died after him. Brave move to marry a homicidal egomaniac with a syph-ridden todger that looked like a lion bar.

      1. Anonymous Coward

        Re: Catherine Parr Survived

        "She was his last wife and died after him"

        Well there you go then, the previous information *did* come from Wikipedia!

        PS. Ronnie Hazelhurst composed Greensleeves.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Catherine Parr Survived

        >a homicidal egomaniac with a syph-ridden todger that looked like a lion bar.

        You can deduce all that from a rotting conker, I'm impressed.

  15. Christoph

    Actually, the incoming message reads

    Enlarge you Bloxworgxt today with our new pills!

  16. Youngdog



    QUAGAARS! It's a name I made up - double A, actually.

    1. Miek


      Whatever you say Arnie J

    2. Minophis


      They must look something like..........a roast chicken!!!

  17. Wize

    Its a message from the civilisations that have discovered warp drive.

    They say "Stop spamming us with Bebo messages!"

    1. Anonymous Coward

      Or perhaps...

      A SPAM complaint has been lodged against your planet. You have 48 hours to respond or you will be added to the Intergalactic Blackhole List.

  18. BenR

    Eric Idel said it best...

    Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard

    or tough.

    and people are stupid, obnoxious or daft,

    and you feel that you've had quite enouuuuuuuuugh...



    member that your standing on a planet that's evolving,

    and revolving at nine hundred miles an hour...

    That's orbiting at ninety miles a second, so it's reckoned,

    the sun that is the source of all our power.

    The sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,

    are moving at a million miles a day.

    in an outer spiral-arm at forty thousand miles an hour

    of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

    Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars,

    it's a hundred thousand lightyears side to side.

    It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand lightyears thick,

    but out by us it's just three thousand lightyears wide.

    We're thirty thousand lightyears from galactic central point,

    we go 'round every two hundred million years.

    And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions,

    in this amazing and expanding universe.

    The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,

    in all of the directions it can whiz.

    As fast as it can go, that's the speed of light you know;

    twelve million miles a minute, that's the fastest speed there is.

    So remember when your feeling very small and insecure,

    how amazingly unlikely is your birth,

    and pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,

    'cause there's bugger-all down here on earth!

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      All your title are belong to us

      Can we have your liver then?

    2. Ugotta B. Kiddingme

      there, I corrected that for you

      Earth is orbiting at (roughly) "NINETEEN miles a second, so it's reckoned", not ninety.

      Other than that, good show. Best Python song ever.

  19. Anonymous John


    Why haven't they leaked it?

  20. The Fuzzy Wotnot


    So Julian's WIkileaks news will be overshadowed by the fact that some boffin possibly might have found the merest hint of a bit of moss on some distant planet!

    Well whoopie-do! We have a shedload more problems down here that need dealing with first, before we start buggering up other "strange new worlds"!

    1. Antoine Dubuc

      @The Fuzzy Wotnot

      Full Marks (I'd bet a small lager).

      I think its reasonable to assume that the government would try a publicity stunt via NASA, with say, the usual bankable ALIENS concept, to avert attention from wikileaks, from which they are really annoyed with.

      1. Autonomous Cowherd

        I call shenanigans!

        I suspect that the wikileaks itself is a distraction, possibly to push through tighter internet controls, or justify new offensive electronic measures.

        The content is no doubt annoying and disruptive to the international powers, but it seems to have been limited to a tolerable margin of irritation.

        This may be a distraction to divert certain bodies of people from noticing the sleight of hand behind the original distraction?

        I'm going to go stand in the snow for a while until the confused thoughts settle and melt into the slush that is my mind.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    UN appoints alien liaison boffin

    1. Code Monkey

      Alien liaison boffin

      Can we tell Gordon Ramsey he's got the job and send him into space? Somewhere nice like Neptune?

      1. Captain TickTock

        Neptune - are you sure?

        Surely you mean one of the other gas giants... ?

        Up there.

        Right up there.

  22. Gusty O'Windflap

    Send More Chuck Berry!

    Saturday Night Live was decades ahead

  23. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    Just give them the money or shut them up

    I'm totally bored with the way NASA chooses to self-justify their existence with inflated claims and other nonsense.

    Shouldn't be long now until they claim to have found OBL living in a cave on Mars.


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