back to article US man slips into perv scanner-busting undies

US firm Rocky Flats Gear is apparently doing a roaring trade in novel perv scanner-busting underwear - an attractive range of intimate apparel which may protect your naughty bits from radiation and the prying eyes of drooling airport security operatives. According to the blurb, the kit's main aim is "protecting the traveling …

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  1. Tegne
    Big Brother

    Tinfoil hats too?

    Surely all that wearing these is going to achieve is a swift invitation into a back room for an inspection by someone armed with rubber gloves.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Why not...

      Why not just go all the way and have one shaped like a middle finger pointing upwards? - or maybe that's look like you just had a small penis or a poor-persons' female->male sex change op.

      I'd also assume you'd fail at the metal detector also with tungsten.

      Anyone know if there is a material that will obscure x-ray backscatter and/or millimetre waves that won't set off a sensitive metal detector?

      Maybe x-ray stealth undies are needed here?

      1. stu 4
        Grenade

        nah

        u want a picture of a grenade, or 'BANG' or 'EXPLOSIVE CONTENTS' on em surely....

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Stainless steel

        does not have much impact on metal detectors, for some reason.

    2. Shades

      But...

      ...if EVERYONE wore them?

    3. Tigra 07
      Happy

      RE: Tegne

      They can't do it to everyone though, the ques would be horrendous and it would surely break human rights law.

      Everyone should buy some of those pants and present a unified (not uncovered) front.

      I would actually prefer the pat down than the small radiation blast, and chance of picture on the net.

      At the end of the day, i get a grope and this poor guy who has to do it will most certainly know i'm enjoying it =]

    4. Elmer Phud

      in for a penny

      In that case why not have designs that somehow look like suspicious objects when viewed under the cameras.

      And keep yer cash in a butt-plug.

      1. Cameron Colley

        RE: Why not...

        I would expect the amount of tungsten in these to be small -- probably some fibres in the weave, in much the same way as silver is used for deodorising, so it will probably be too small an amount to set of a detector. I know my fairly weighty tungsten signet ring doesn't set off detectors, so I wouldn't expect this to.

      2. Tigra 07
        Pint

        RE: Elmer Phud

        "And keep yer cash in a butt-plug."

        Thats not such a bad idea, Ta =]

        Will have to be in notes rather than coins though

        1. dssf
          Joke

          A wad "O" cash up there?

          Avoid paper cuts, or you'll have "blood money" in yer bunny..

      3. Wize

        @Elmer Phud

        "And keep yer cash in a butt-plug."

        Thats where they can successfully hide explosives from these scanners.

    5. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Big Brother

      That's the point

      If the SA, sorry T-SA wants to do obedience training of the whole populace, they should at least work for it.

      Of course, you will get arrested for "illegal wearing of rare raw war-relevant elements" or something like this.

    6. A B 3

      An Antenna

      Wouldn't a tinfoil hat act as an antenna and therefore attract waves to your head, instead of repelling them? What you would need is a connection to ground, or or a more sophisticated and very expensive magnetic insulator.

    7. dssf

      James Bond wouldn't like it, but,

      P. Galore might en(d)joy it... de(e)pending...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    No T&A for the TSA!

    'nuff said.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Ooo... ooo...

    Do they have any that say "Fuck Off" on them?

  4. Winkypop Silver badge
    FAIL

    X-ray Proof Undies

    Imagine a pair of these supa-duds with Bin Laden's profile on them.

    You'd be off to gitmo on the first transport.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Nice one!

    Clothing lined with this stuff, that is exactly what we need to screw them over.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      If by "screw them" you mean "ourselves". Then yes.

      If the scan didn't work they would ask you to have a nice friendly "pat down".

      Pat down, it's nice that isn't it? Lets all have a nice pat down.

      When what they mean is...

      You will submit. Adopt a position of sumbission and allow the same sex officer to check every part of your body for bombs and weapons. Compliance is mandatory.

      It's either that or a let them see you naked, it's your choice.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Silver sports gear?

    Some sports gear is impregnated with silver (washed in a silver salt, I reckon) because it has antiseptic qualities that are useful for countering odours. Would this also form a barrier to the scanners? Should marathoners remember to change before they go to the airport, for fear of getting their junk fondled by a bored TSAer?

  7. ShaggyDoggy

    Bra

    Don't 50% of the travelling public need a bra version too ?

  8. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    I don't suppose....

    ......they do a pair of boxers with an unfeasibly large knob on them?

    That'd be good for a laugh........

  9. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Unhappy

    Pointless!

    All well and good, nice laugh.

    However, this just means they can carry on scanning! "The public have sorted themselves out, no more problems, so we can carry-on blasting out the waves and killing the cells!"

  10. CD001

    Deep sea diving suit

    Terribly impractical perhaps - but it would be bloody funny if 100+ people turned up to board a plane wearing those old-fashioned deep sea diving suits; with the "Dig Daddy" type helmets and lead soled boots... AND the tungsten underwear of course.

    "Oh - I need to undergo a pat-down? (Try and) feel free."

  11. SteveCo
    Big Brother

    Hoots!

    Do kilt wearing gents get searched?

    1. peyton?
      Happy

      Reminds me

      Of an episode of Are You Being Served? where Mr Lucas is educated on how to take the inside leg of a Scotsman. Something along the lines "We measure from the outside of the kilt ya ignorant sassenach!"

      That would indeed be a TSA pat-down to see.

      1. james4765
        Thumb Up

        A lot of us Americans of Scots heritage are celebrating it now

        A fair number of my friends are flying in kilts. And letting the TSA find out if they're going regimental...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Er...

    Far as I am aware cant you just 'opt out' of being scanned!?

    It was never a law that you HAD to be scanned!

    Though from what I've heard, if you dare try to stand up for your rights they make a big fuss about it and makes sures everyone else knows by shouting and making a scene.

    - You are free!.. to do as we tell you.

    1. GrahamT
      Unhappy

      optional, but mandatory

      I understand that some women who declined a scan out of modesty, were refused permission to board the plane.Opting out of being scanned means opting out of flying.

      1. ArmanX
        FAIL

        Don't forget...

        Opting out of a scan/patdown will also get you stuck in a back room waiting for a police interrogation, along with a hefty fine. If you back out of a scan, you are obviously "hiding something."

        And no, I'm not joking. You have three choices: get pervy scanned, get a pervy patdown, or get a fine and possible jail time (and also miss your flight).

  13. Blitheringeejit
    Coat

    "May contain nuts"...?

    I'll get my coat...

  14. Yesnomaybe

    Flying out

    of Stanstead, I get a gentle grope off a metal-detector operative on average once every week or so. I might have more metal in my body than average, or perhaps they are just picking on me, I don't know. Anyways, it's no big deal, I havent been to the little room with the disposable latex gloves yet, that would be a different matter. Only a matter of time though, I fly a LOT, and at some point I think it's probably bound to happen.

  15. Paul_Murphy

    A thought

    Anyone heard of 'chaff' - developed in the second world war to frustrate radar.

    I would assume that clothing with a suitable lining, most likely reflective sheets with very small holes in, would be able to reflect and confuse the scanners.

    So not only would the perv scanning be rendered blind, but the perv pat downs would have another person to process.

    And who knows, maybe enough back-scatter would break the scanners.

    ttfn

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Rads

    Does anyone know just actually how many rads are coming off these devices? I am not saying "gray" cos i think "rads" sounds cooler. Plus i dont know anything about it anyway!!

    We should tell the TSAs who are near these devices to walk out on strike as they may damage their health? If u r sitting/standing near these things x hours per day y days per year - surely that could amount to substantial rad ingestion overall? At least they wont be able to have kids - probably a good thing to help clean up the gene pool a bit.

  17. Burch

    Shapes

    Should be shaped like genitals to avoid suspicion.

  18. William Towle
    Coat

    Rather...

    "if an TSA perv scanner image of Johnston's wife in her birthday suit does pop up on the interwebs, he'd prefer her privates obscured by a tungsten fig leaf."

    ...she'd need the gents' ones??

    ["i] not staying to find out

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bring it home

    Quite a few members of the multi-national I work for have declined trips to the US and ask that the US staff come here instead. It is forcing a corporate re-evaluation of travel for business when the Irish seek danger money to go to the states!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Er..

    @GrahamT

    "Opting out of being scanned means opting out of flying."

    No it doesnt! Its just the impression they like to give. There is NO legal base to refuse the service and anyone who does so could end up in court.

    There is no law saying they have to be scanned and plenty of laws already in place as to why you shouldnt/couldnt, ranging from privacy laws, health and safety & human rights.

    1. ArmanX
      Unhappy

      Ha! Legal base... you're funny.

      There's not a legal base for them to feel you up, either; while they may not be able to arrest you for refusing to get scanned and/or felt up (though it's happened), they can delay you long enough you miss your flight; they could also flag you as suspicious for any other flights, and generally make themselves annoying.

      What regulatory body oversees the TSA, anyway - or, more specifically, if there is a complaint, can it be taken to someone outside TSA?

  21. Rogerborg

    EVARY ONE SHOOD WERE THEESE!!!!!ELEVEN!!

    But they won't though, will they? One moonbat a day is just going to get an Extra Special Fingering - I think the TSA can cope with that.

    1. Shades
      Thumb Up

      I shouldn't laugh...

      ...the subject isn't funny, but "Moonbat" and "Extra Special Fingering" got me! =]

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ ooFie

    >>No it doesnt! Its just the impression they like to give. There is NO legal base to refuse the service and anyone who does so could end up in court.

    I don't know if this has changed since the early 90s, but back then I was thrown off a flight at the discretion of the pilot. It was explained to me that the pilot had the right to refuse any passenger without giving any reason and without accountability, and that in these circumstances the passenger had no recourse in law to recover the cost of the flight, and the airline had no legal obligation to carry the passenger on another flight. (I understand this can also happen with overbooking, though perhaps someone with more knowledge can confirm?)

    So I believe that in the UK at least, an airline has no fundamental legal obligation to provide the service at all, or to refund any money you've paid for it. That is one of many reasons why I fly as little as possible.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coverage

    I am pretty sure I read leather undies would do the same thing as well as not setting off the metal detector. I'm thinking a leather insert the shape and size of John Holmes appendage should be good...

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well, here's an answer for Mr Johnston's Group

    "...working to reveal the truth behind the events of September 11th, as well as the lies of the government and corporate elite who remain suspect in this crime..."

    Well, perhaps if the Government of the day had bothered to do something when they got an August 2001 briefing titled

    "Al Qaeda determined to attack the Mainland USA"

    we wouldn't have this and countless other discussions.

    Doh!

    Nice work if you can get it Condi.

  25. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
      Thumb Up

      and

      right after eating a liverwurst and onion sandwich - extra garlic.

  26. Martin Usher
    Big Brother

    Someone's tried tje boxer shorts thing already

    ....in San Diego, yesterday. He got arrested when he refused to put his clothes on. I'm not sure what he was arrested for -- he's not exposing himself indecently or anything like that (and there's no regulation against travelling in 'light' clothing). I'd guess he got arrested for "trying to make a fool of the security services" -- you know what these people are like, they're absolute b******s, anyone who doesn't "Respect Mah Athoritah" needs putting down, and putting down good.

    The policeman mindset is transnational. I am beginning to really dislike organizations like the TSA. Obama needs to watch this because this kind of universal like has a nasty habit of blowing back on the government -- a bit like Carter's well meaning universal 55mph speed limit ("to save fuel"), a subject of universal hate and derision.

  27. dssf

    Silicone is banned, but, what if someone shows up

    with a non-silicone-based "toy" deeply imbedded? It might be a great way to turn the tables on what they define as 'non-offensive". If the TSA agents become offended at scanning a "pleasure device" inserted into a flyer, then becomes offended (off-ended?), then it stands to reason that the other flying public has grounds to deny exposure of his/her genetalia to a scanner and possibly to the Internet(s).

    What the TSA SHOULD DO is go back to the boneheads who designed the software interface and say, "Redesign the software to black out sex organs and breasts and ONLY expose them if the scanner detects anomalies, and expose them ONLY after offering the passenger a hand-check option or a digital scan option so as to prevent image capture of the sexual organs. All other body parts can be exposed to the display."

  28. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    RFG

    For the benefit of those who haven't heard of it, "Rocky Flats" was a plutonium processing plant near Boulder, Colorado.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Grenade

      among other things...

      Its a Superfund toxic cleanup site.

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