back to article Iron-on armpit BO stench-filters 'ideal for modern lifestyle'

The list of boons which military-driven R&D has conferred upon a suffering humanity is a long one: computers and their networks, aircraft, brass bands etc. But now warboffinry has truly penetrated deep into civilian life - even unto the actual armpits of ordinary consumers - to tackle one of the most fearsome scourges besetting …

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  1. Thomas 18
    Joke

    This idea stinks

    Mwaha ha ha ha someone was going to

  2. proto-robbie
    Jobs Horns

    Nope, 'fraid not

    We has patented 'nosePad' too.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Alternatively...

    ...have a shower you mingers!

    Flames...what mixing deoderant, matches and teenagers tends to result in.

    1. Wize

      Like Leona Lewis and her 48hour deodorent?

      Dirty girl

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    how about childbegone

    some kind of "net in a can" you can spray over children to make them easy to remove from public transport where their appearance and demeanor offends us all.

    Until someone invents that I'll have to keep using pepper spray.

    1. paulf
      Coat

      You'll need..

      SpiderMan(TM) Brand Spider-Can spray on restraint device.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Ouch!

    Looking on the website, a young lady in a short sleeve t-shirt... where does the patch go? What about strapless tops, it must hurt like hell when the patch is ironed into place in the armpit.

    As for trapping farts, they don't produce enough of the stuff to quench some of the things let loose in my office.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      @aTallPhotoPerson

      Uhm are you sure that the patch was on the shirt or in the pants?

      Like the author said... there are other options for the patch and well... with some girls, farting isn't the only thing that smells.

      Sorry, I had to point that out.

      Paris cause she *knows* what I'm talking about!

      And yes, this problem is big enough that companies that make feminine hygiene products do advertise on TV...

  6. The Indomitable Gall

    Reusable or disposable?

    Does the filter saturate and need replaced or do the odours wash out?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wish!

    "inhibiting many a cheery high-five or above-the-head handclasp victory gesture by undermining people's confidence"

  8. Natalie Gritpants Silver badge
    FAIL

    Not thought this through have you?

    The smelliest people don't own irons.

    1. Just Thinking

      Ironing

      Surely the biggest waste of time in human history? If nobody had ever thought up the idea of ironing clothes, who would miss it?

      Besides iron-on stuff never works.

  9. loopy lou
    Thumb Down

    Budding romance?

    ...as long as you keep your clothes on that is.

  10. Me Again
    Thumb Down

    But...

    People who really need this are the type that don't bother with regular washing / showers etc. How are they suddenly going to start ironing things onto clothes that they haven't even washed?

    The solution has a different problem.

  11. Arkasha
    Coat

    This would be useful

    for one person in particular on my commute in to work every morning.

    Oh wait... I drive in on my own...

    Mine's the one with the sweat stained armpits

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I for one, will be buying them...

    ...using them, and then swapping them out with the tetley when the Mother in Law comes round to see the Mrs.

  13. Sarah Davis
    Grenade

    whats wrong with washing yourself

    nothing worse than standing next to a stinky bloke on the tube. The simple solution is 'have a wash you dirty smelly git'!!

    BO doesn't come from sweat or a hard days work. Sweat doesn't smell at all. But if you don't wash then sweat dries, bacteria ,ultiplies, and it is that which smells.

    If you stink it's because you don't wash yourself. If you smell today, then thats yesterdays (and the day before's, and the day before's etc) sweat dried and bacteria ridden.

    Ever heard of soap and water ? A quick wash takes less than 2 minutes. So if you stink, then you are advertising to the world that you're a lazy, dirty smelly git !!

    DEAL WITH IT !! (just don't stand near women, we don't like you stinky pathetic types)

    1. George Nacht
      Thumb Down

      When given a choice...

      ..between shower, or, heck, a bucket of water and any kind of anti-smell gizmo, I´ll take the water any time of the day or year, in any given weather. What is wrong with these people? What is the next step, powdered wigs and gloves to cover skin ulcers?

      And, just a thought, did they also developed a method to get rid of these used patches?

      PS: How is possible, that no one made a teabagging joke yet? (Just to show, that my mind is the only smelly part of my person...)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Down

      er...

      How long does sweat take to dry then?

      And how long does it take for the bacteria to get a bit ripe after some hard work? For me the answers a hour or two or less if the conditions are really rough. I wouldnt even consider not showering after a day of hard work, but I damn well used to stink on the way home. Building sites not noted for their personal wash faciltiies.

      Perhaps you might like to edit wikipedia which states the production of aroma is down to "diet, gender, genetics, health and medication." rather than just a simple "didnt take a shower last night.". Maybe in your little closed office view of reality where the heaviest thing someone might do is refil the printer with a new tray of paper, meanwhile back in the real world i can leave for a flight at 11am, taking a shower at 8 and still require lots of squirty in the waiting lounge toilets, thats if they havent stolen my deodorant for the bin yet again. Im told by my doctor that a large part of this is because of the cocktail of tablets I have to take to keep me alive.

      I wouldnt want to stand near you. You sound like a narrow minded boring person with a really blinkered unscientific view of what the world is like. Waiting for other earth shattering modern revelations from you such as chickens are born into neat little supermarket wrapping packets...

    3. Daniel B.

      Actually, sweat stinks

      People who have some dietary habits, or smokers, will have a distinct unpleaseant odor. Heavy drinking will also cause smelly sweat as well, and if the drinking stuff was of dubious quality, the smell will be unbearable.

      That said, "right now" stink from a hard day's work is much more bearable than "yesterday's stink". That particular brand of stink will be more pungent, and noticable from even a couple of metres away. To those gits, TAKE A SHOWER!

  14. Sir Runcible Spoon

    Sir

    Can I get one of these things fitted nasally, as the people I work with just wouldn't bother with iron ing on a patch, let alone washing their pits.

  15. VeganVegan
    Headmaster

    Victorian solution

    Back in the 19th century and earlier, when many people bathed twice in their lifetime (when they are born, and when they are dead), those who can afford it would go around with posies, to try to mask the communal stink. That solution continues today, with manufacturers hawking a diversity of household odour-masking "scent' dispensers.

  16. Joe User

    The perfect market

    Sell Odegon Tags in the Paris subway during summer.

  17. David 45

    Off at a tangent

    Obviously for the man who has everything but there are other orifices that can give a bit of a problem sometimes, especially after a good night out and a curry.

  18. Jean-Luc
    Joke

    finallee sometheeng goude outta zee USA

    us Frenchies can now go back to all being Pepe Le Pews in peace again.

  19. Phil 54
    Flame

    Desperately needed!!!!

    I've lived in France for the last 4 years...

  20. Mike Hocker

    Warboffinry?

    Or is that Warbuffoonery? Or maybe Warboffinbuffoonery? The Taliban can tell a westerner close up, since the westerner doesn't stink!

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