"Lindsay Lohan"... "Linda Lovelace"... for a moment there, I thought I was trapped in a Superman comic ("Lana Lang", anyone?)
Lindsay Lohan has landed what has been described as "one of the most challenging roles any actor could play" - that of portraying 1970s grumble flick star Linda Lovelace. According to Variety, talented 24-year-old thespiatrix Lohan will interpret the Deep Throat pornstress for an indie production entitled Inferno, …
Since when? And I'm not even going to get into debating whether thespeatrix is a word.
Interestingly, Linda Lovelace's biography detailing her traumas and abuse at the hands of the porn industry was banned in more American states than the films she featured in - go figure.
It goes something like this:
Step 1: Sign the trainwreck to your movie
Step 2: Rake in the attendant publicity
Step 3: Sign up more investors on the back of Step 2
Step 4: Wait a bit
Step 5: Widely publicise that you're going into production
Step 6: Wait a bit
Step 7: Release rumours of tardiness and poor acting on La Lohan's part
Step 8: Sack her
Step 9: Get someone who can both act and turn up on time
Step 10: Release completed movie with attendant stories about Lohan's non-involvement
But she started appearing in the transit newspapers here (in Canada) like Metro some time ago.
Like Kim Kardashian, she seems to be one of these nobodies that is famous for being famous.
Now there's a bootstrap problem for you...
From what I gathered, she did some film work at some point.
Now, from what I read, she seems to be confused about her sexuality, whether or not to eat meat and I think drugs are probably in the mix somewhere. Man, she is confused.
a) From an IT perspective, I'm hoping Lindsay takes this opportunity to showcase her splendid breasts and front-bottom.
b) Re: point a), considering contemporary tastes in pubic coiffurey, will a merkin be required? My exhaustive research has led me to believe that Ms Lovelace preferred a laissez-faire attitude to her muff-management.
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As if I would lower myself to a gag like that..... when there are plenty of better ones, like....
"I don't mind Reg reporting on this kind of thing but I don't want it rammed down my throat"
"Lindsay met with some stiff opposition but managed to beat them all".
Mine's the one right next to Bernard Manning's........
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