DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!

In shock news, it has emerged that recent record-breaking increases in particle ring energy achieved at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful atomsmasher ever assembled by the human race - have caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an inhabited parallel universe to open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what …

[shmirsh]

I for one...

welcome the arrival of our 5th dimensional overlords

[The Original Ash]

OH EMM JEE EN OH EE ESS Exclaimation

We've already had the Google People Ad's story, which is OBVIOUSLY false, so this MUST BE REAL!

Quick! Begin end-of-life-as-we-know-it copulation with random women, before it's too late! (As is every nerd's Apocalypse fantasy).

[Vladimir Plouzhnikov]

My crowbar is ready

And I await, holding my breath, for an opportunity to pry a real working pulse rifle from a Combine soldier's dead fingers.

[AbnormalChunks]

I for one...

welcome the fact that it's 01/04/10!

[Jason 24]

Very good!

Almost believable until the last few paragraphs!

[Secretgeek]

AAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm working in an office - where the fuck am i supposed to get a crowbar from?

[Ian Stephenson]

Improvise...

Go with the fire axe.

[ravenviz]

Re: improvise

Don't be ridiculous, I'd have to submit a safety non-conformance report. We audit fires here and submit the results to a committee before they can be tackled. Difficult on a bank haoliday weekend.

[Adam Salisbury]

Aaaargh I knew it!! The tinfoilers were right!!!!

Cyanide pill......check

Towell................check

Lobo..................check

HEV suit............check

Bring it oooowwwwnnn!!!!

[GrahamT]

I wondered when this would happen

May I be the one hundred and first person to welcome our pan-dimensional poisson d'avril masters.

[Paul M 1]

Wasn't this from a short story by...

H. P. Lovecraft?

[Baskitcaise]

Wasn't this from a short story by...

I thought it was L Ron Hubbard ?

[Anonymous Coward]

L. Ron Hubcap

never wrote a word of fiction!

[HaplessPoet]

Nice try, but no Cigar

The post is required, and must contain letters.

[Mr Microsoft]

Must have been running Linux!.

I blame Mr Gordon!

[sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD]

DW...

Grey Knights already been there and gone.

LHC now offline and stupid boffins causing the rift terminated.

They coming for you next for such a lame prank.

[Nick Ryan]

FAIL...

FAIL.... and you know why I *know* this is a fake story? There's no mention of collaptic im/explosions and therefore it's obviously a total fake.

Next time get your facts (and terminology) correct Mr Page - your reputation as a world class reporter on high level physics will suffer otherwise.

[amanfromMars 1]

Thanks for the Tale, Lewis, ...

"It is thought that members of the elite Swiss police "Stern" tactical unit descended into the underground complex housing the ATLAS experiment early this morning, and have not returned." ..... Oops :-) ...... Anyone got a Rabbit Wormhole Map?

[ndf9876]

Gordon Freeman....

...is on standby with his crowbar in case of any further issues.

[Simon Woodworth]

Stargate?

Did Rodney McKay step through?

[Anonymous Coward]

CERN forces? Pah!

Shouldn't they be calling UNIT led by Capt'n. Jack to deal with the monsters from the Id?

CERN?? Amateurs!! I might just as well adopt the brace position and rely on the 4000 holes in Blackburn to deflect the reverse polarity of the neutron flow, until our pan-dimensional overlords reach Lancashire.

[Nigel 11]

Prediction

the DA-notice will be responded to by takedown of this article at 20100401 12:00:00.01

[Sacha TF Padovani]

you tossers

you've gone a bit overboard with this one

have a happy day

:))

btw: been following the LHC lately: last night they managed some more collisions. Looks like Beam 2 is always acting funny.

[Daniel 1]

"Gordon Freeman... It IS you isn't it?"

"Yes, how did you guess?"

"Well, it could be the hazmat suit... but personally, I was tipped off by the fact that you were carrying a rocket launcher; a machine gun; two pistols; a nuclear-powered-vacuum-cleaner thing; a satchel of laser mines, grenades and high explosives, and a living-alien-claw that shoots bugs... Are you here to help the Horde? - No wait! Wrong game!"

[MrWugga]

What would Gordon do?

I'm just glad I stocked up on crowbars and EVC suits yesterday.

[Brutus]

Damn you, Lewis!

I was really hoping that the supersymmetry bit was true.

So, anyway, are we talking headcrabs here, or Cacodaemons?

Grenade, for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous Coward]

That's the obvious one out of the way

Now to catch the more plausible ones.

[Christopher Rogers]

I shouldn't be saying this

But the President has summoned me directly. Thank God Will Smith is back onside. We'll need him for the next couple of Independance Days.

[Chris 67]

With my brains and your brawn we'll make an excellent team

I laughed. Very good :)

[Anonymous Coward]

Portal or mirror

If it was a super symmetry event or mirror could this mean that 'those' (or is it us) on the other side are preparing a response the same as ours.

I am writing the same article simultaneously? or is it you?

Trams-R-us

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm sceptical

There are all sorts of hoaxes going around today for some reason. I think we need some kind of Playmobil-based proof.

[adrianww]

Obvious question...

...is Gordon still in there?

[Atonnis]

Not bad - a little wildly over the top...

It contains just enough eye-glazing information to numb the brain and a recent topic with plenty of controversy to get the nutjobs foaming at the mouth.

I'm still watching out for the believable AFD story though...

[Zimmer]

......mm... pizza...

Be thankful this can only happen once a year........ (is there a pizza delivery waiting at the portal....) :)

[KCM]

Are we sure....

... that the LHC isn't a part of the Black Mesa or Aperture Science operations?

In which case.. will there be cake?

[Peter Gathercole]

Yawn. Pinch, Punch etc.

Lewis,

we've all been playing Half Life, and quipping about the LHC for too long for this to be remotely regarded as amusing

[Rob Quinn]

Now where did I put that....

Crowbars at the ready guys, it won't be long before the Xen hoards break through the insufficiant human special forces and the geeks will have to mop up the mess with a handy stick of metal and a zero point energy field manipulator.

Grenade for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous Coward]

OMFG!!!

Send for SG-1

[Anonymous Coward]

Doom or Stargate?

The image used looks a lot like stargate but your story comes straight outta Deimos and Phobos.

[LAGMonkey]

where is my crowbar!

oh god! i didnt wear enough tinfoil im sure of it.

Dr Dark Energy, your the only one who could save us but arnt the gov'munt going to shut down el'Reg for posting such an important story?

[stuartrc]

blah

I have been waiting for this all morning - thanks Lewis

[Blue eyed boy]

A full-power blast of

anti helium-4+2lambda atoms borrowed from RHIC - see http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/05/negative_strangeness/ - should see the extradimensional invaders off

[Chemist]

Are you Dan Brown ?

No further comment

[Pantelis]

About time

I welcome our new transdimensional overlords...they cannot possibly do a worse job than what we have now anyway and they are fresh!

[Ian Halstead]

This 2m blue door...

My Great Uncle lost a 2m peacock blue circular door when serving on USS Eldridge in 1943. I'm putting a claim in.

[Pegsta]

It's all been training.. till now

I've got me an Orange suit and a crowbar... Let me at em....

[Anonymous Coward]

Guess...

that means the Carbon Freezing device I bought off Firebox won't be coming anytime soon then!

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Freeman!

*shakes fist*

[Anonymous Coward]

OH NO!

Anyone know what the HALF-LIFE of one of these is? How long will it last?

[Anonymous Coward]

No Reg No!

You shouldn't publish news like this on April 1st, some people might think it's an April Fool

I for one welcome our new inter-dimensional overlords