back to article UK Border Agency delights with festive e-card

The UK's Border Agency has brightened the pre-Xmas season with a delightful e-card which nicely sums up the values of goodwill to all men: The UK Border Agency Xmas card Lovely. We're obliged to the readers who forwarded us this piece of festive cheer, and bah humbug to the blogger who described it as an "obnoxious piece of …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Anonymous Coward

    So that's Santa Claus scuppered then

    unless he has a biometric passport and a visa.

  2. N2 Silver badge

    and also

    Allowing every Tom Dick & Harry in by the truckload

  3. Anonymous John


    Does anyone apart from malware writers still send them?

    1. h 6


      My mom.


  4. andy gibson

    oh the irony

    A pretty strongly worded "card" to any Johnny foreigners, but the use of "Seasons Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas" at the end just so we don't offend them!

  5. DrunkenMessiah

    Why that's...

    ...just lovely!

    P.S. the icon isn't a flame, it's a Christmas tree.

    P.P.S. Why isn't there a Christmas tree icon, El Scrooge?

  6. Sir Runcible Spoon

    I like traffic lights

    And a merry Christmas to you to you miserable bastards!

    What a thing to put on a Christmas card ffs!

    1. CD001


      I'm noticing a recurring theme in your titles Mr Spoon... I assume however that you only like them when they're green.

      1. Hugh G. Rection


        I was always taught that the correct form of conversational address would be "Sir Runcible".

      2. Sir Runcible Spoon

        although my name's not Bamber

        right you are :)

        for those who haven't heard the most depressing song of all time, here are the lyrics..

  7. Neal 5

    I'm quite interested in your title phraseology

    Could you elaborate, would these Albanians be plainly roasting their/our swans in a conventional oven, or spit-roasting them over an open fire?

    Perhaps some slavic footballer who reads El Reg,could inform this ill informed native of the differences, without raping our heritage/culture/women, God Forbid.

    1. Bumpy Cat

      Not Slavs ...

      Technically Albanians are not Slavs. They are probably descended from the ancient Illyrians, whereas Slavs arrived in the area in the early 6th century.

      1. Svantevid

        Albanians are Illyrians

        "Technically Albanians are not Slavs. They are probably descended from the ancient Illyrians, whereas Slavs arrived in the area in the early 6th century."

        True, as Albanians have different language, customs and facial features.

        And we love it here. Except for the Italians on the west, Magyars on the north, Greeks to the south and Romanians to the east.

        But at least we don't have the French as our neighbours.

  8. nichomach


    ...Gawd bless us, one and all![/CRATCHETT] Because there's no better way to show the Christmas spirit than trying to prove how far you're willing to pander to xenophobic arseholes by getting tough on the weak, vulnerable and desperate. And it's ugly. Really, bag-of-spanners, bulldog licking urine off a thistle, ugly. And probably expensive, to boot.

    Pineapple, because this piece of crap makes me feel like attacking our borders from THIS side.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As a good customer I should receive one of them cards

    It's a pity they can't back date some of their powers then over half the government would be repatriated.

    All the twaddle about improving security efficiency and effectiveness really gets my back up. Every time I enter the UK on a full British passport I get stopped and asked how long I am planning on staying? "FFS, I'm British, I'll stay as long as I effing well like", is what I'd like to say to them but experience tells me to stick to my best montone voice and respond politely. I also get stopped and searched upon leaving, last time they actually asked me if I had any guns or explosives.

  10. Warren G

    Just so wrong

    Even if in your misguided fantasy world (ie government) you wanted to send this sort of card,

    1) Too much text

    2) Season's Greetings seems to be missing an apostrophe

    I know the FAIL icon is supposed to be ironic but what else can I choose?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A much short mission statement

    UK Borders Agency: we're the curtains you cower behind.

  12. James 5

    So I guess...

    .. Mary and Joseph wouldn't have got far if they'd been trying to get to Bethnal Green rather than Bethlehem!

    I wonder how much that masterpiece cost ?

  13. TeeCee Gold badge

    I wonder.

    How much they paid to some bunch of whalesong merchants to come up with that thing?

    FOI request anybody?

  14. DI_Wyman

    Must be working...

    ..ok as the number one dialect in our UK base warehouse is eastern european!

  15. Samuel Williams

    On the plus side... least ASCII art is alive and well.

  16. Anonymous Coward

    Insult to Christians

    Would the border agency come up with a greetings card for non-Christian festivals by printing their rhetoric into the shape of icons associated with Muslim, Jewish or Hindu festivals? Most definitely not. So why do they think it's okay to do that for a Christian festival?

    The card carries absolutely no spirit or joy. It was yet another exercise in vanity and political correctness paid for by us tax payers.

    1. Steve Gill


      Since when was a pine tree a recognised Christian symbol?

      1. Gary F

        Are you serious?

        If the Government banned these type of trees from being sold (for example) then everyone would think it was an assault on Christmas and Christians. Children make cards in xmas tree shapes, trees go up in town centres around xmas time, and most families put up a tree and decorate it at xmas. Of course it's an icon of Christmas. It may not have a direct religious connection but it has become a tradition. There are Muslim icons that are part of their tradition that aren't actually part of their religion. There is a difference but the dividing line is blurred and offence can still be caused by disrespecting an associated icon.

        1. heyrick Silver badge

          Pine trees and Christians

          I think the connection between pine trees and Christianity is because the Christians hijacked an old winter solstice festival.

          I mean, think about it - Joseph, Mary, camels, shacked up in a stable, Bethlehem....

          ...exactly which part of that says pine trees, blinky lights, snow, fat-bloke-in-a-red-suit, flying snowmen, reindeer, and coca-cola?

          It's an uneasy clash of different winter festivals taking place at the same time.

          Flame icon because in Sweden they celebrate Saint Lucy's Day (or "Lussinatta" pre-Christian) where a cute girl gets to wear a crown with candles of her head. Lit candles. Can you imagine the Health & Safety chaos that would cause in the UK?!?! But, anyway, ouch much! Melted wax in the hair? Flame icon self-evident?

  17. Pete 43

    Perhaps the daily mail paid for it

    Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

  18. Eddie Edwards
    Thumb Up

    Good idea

    The Police & the Prison Service should both do one.

    BTW, @ AC 13:29, this quote is from Wikipedia:

    "While the Christmas tree is generally associated with Christ, it predates this religious figure by many centuries. In the Bible, Jeremiah the prophet admonishes those who dare to erect such a pagan artifact: "Thus saith the Lord, learn not the way of the heathen...For the customs of the people are vain; for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not." (Jeremiah 10:2-6)"

    I expect it's probably fine to print political rhetoric in the shape of pagan artifacts.

    AFAIK the only uniquely Christian icon is Jesus on the cross, which I highly recommend the Border Agency uses at Easter :)

  19. Paul Donnelly

    Hey! AC 13.29, You offend!

    First of all, IANARN. I am an agnostic atheist. I just like to debate.

    Second of all, what is it with people thinking Religion is the be all and end all? (j/k)

    Thirdly, the 'Christmas Tree' is not actually anything to do with Christianity... Do you see the Bible saying Jesus was born under a Christmas tree? Or that presents were stored under trees before being given to the unaware newborn? The Christmas tree is part of an older celebration, celebrating the soon coming of spring.... that was hijacked by the Christian faith.

    Everyone needs to have more tolerance. Those who do not share your beliefs are entitled to their own, and the same protections for their beliefs. The fact that diametrically opposite beliefs are commonplace means that you can either be offended and unhappy about lots of things, a lot of the time, or get used to it and ignore what people believe that doesn't affect you.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      but only when they're green

      I thought the present giving came about from the 3 wise monkeys giving Him some brass balls or something?

  20. Badbob

    Ahhh, the UK Border Agency....

    Seem unable to stop the tide of illegal immigrants into this country, but seem quite able to question UK residents on their intentions when arriving back in the UK.

    As a quick anecdote... I was travelling via Stena Line from the UK to Ireland and under the apparent misunderstanding that both the UK and ROI were in the Common Travel Area. I mistakenly put my passport in my baggage which was stowed in the hold. Upon arriving at Dun Laoghaire, there was a single Garda giving a cursory look at Passports, I explained that I did not have mine and was given a "your fine sure, on you go". Very pleasant.

    After my stay and on returning to Holyhead, I was sure to have my Passport to hand, which was very wise as the UK Border Agency were en masse at the customs point. 2 officers checking and scanning passports, and no less than 4 armed police officers. I got questioned on why I had been in Ireland (my father lives there), how long I had been there and where I was travelling to upon leaving Holyhead. I really wanted to be cheeky, but then I remembered that it is UK police policy to shoot you five times in the head before asking questions.

    1. Daren Nestor

      I do love Ireland...

      "As a quick anecdote... I was travelling via Stena Line from the UK to Ireland and under the apparent misunderstanding that both the UK and ROI were in the Common Travel Area. I mistakenly put my passport in my baggage which was stowed in the hold. Upon arriving at Dun Laoghaire, there was a single Garda giving a cursory look at Passports, I explained that I did not have mine and was given a "your fine sure, on you go". Very pleasant.."

      Ha, love that Irish attitude. As a further anecdote, my brother was living in Japan and he travelled to Ireland with his Japanese fiancée. When she got to the passport control, he went through the EU chute, then waited for her. As the passport control officer went to check through her passport, he noticed my brother, and said "Is she with you?". He said yes, and got "Go on so", her passport was stamped and off she went :)

      Heathrow, on the other hand... the staff were very pleasant actually, but the queues in Terminal one are always huge and I've never seen more than three metal detectors open at the same time. After a long flight, waiting in line for multiple hours is the last thing you want to do, and, of course, you can't take your duty free through the damn place. No "Go on so" there...

      On an unrelated note - it would be nice to get basic styling in comments - bold and emphasis would be nice.

  21. sabba

    So what's the problem...

    Please select one of the following...

    1. I don't like the colours

    2. I don't like text art

    3. I am not wild about Christmas trees

    4. I don't like the message

    5. I just don't like the border agency

    It seems to me that the card is inoffensive and simply states quite clearly and unequivocally what the agency does. Turn your sensitivity detectors down a notch or two and stop looking for something to bitch about. They do a good job in difficult circumstances.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      They do a good job?

      So that's why you can't walk 5 yards in some city centres without tripping over a "homeless" eastern european refugee? Great job, keep it up there boys.

      WTF are they fleeing from anyway, bad hospitals and lack of government handouts? Surely, with the way things are going the sane thing to do would be to flee *from* the UK?

      1. A J Stiles
        Paris Hilton

        My take

        I, too, have often wondered why immigrants want so badly to come here when so many Britons seem to want out ("I'm sick of all these illegal immigrants -- first chance I get, I'm leaving this country" seems to be a common theme around here).

        All I can assume is that they have been reading discarded celebrity shag rags and picked up the impression that stories such as Kerry Katona's brave struggle against the odds to change the light bulb in the back bedroom or Peter Andre leaving the oven on and nearly spoiling the Yorkshire puddings describe the lives of normal British people.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward






    have taken

    away our liberties

    devalued our currency


    to regulate

    the banking sector

    lied to

    us consistently

    Happy Christmas

    from Your Government

    (aka known as a bunch of Muppets)

    1. Oninoshiko

      Department of Redundancy Department

      "Also Known As known as a bunch a muppets?"

      (aka is an abbriviation for "also known as")

      1. Anonymous Coward


        Calm down dear, Santa will bring you a dictionary for Christmas

  23. The old man from scene 24
    Big Brother


    "We have introduced ID cards for foreign nationals". Takes me right back to my childhood in apartheid South Africa, where there were the human whites and the sub-human non-whites. The sub-humans had to carry "pass books" with them at all times regulating their movements.

    But I must be mistaken, surely in the 21st century first world any parallels to apartheid must be purely coincidental?

  24. Seanmon


    Border Agency! Stop spending my money on this sh*te.

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2021