Florida cops taser satnav lake plunge woman

Police were last week obliged to taser a 37-year-old mother of two who followed the satnav of her husband's $100k Mercedes into a Florida lake, the Ocala 'Gator reports. Destry Wymbough, of Lynne, had been travelling eastbound on Highway 40 close to Ocala when she took an unscheduled right, followed a dirt road for two miles …

[Simon]

WTF!

Why the fuck did they think they needed to taser someone who was already immobile? These things are getting seriously out of control.

[Anonymous Coward]

Pre-Menstrual?

Better not let any women who are not post-menopause near anything important then, just in case!

[Hans]

Good enough

Sure gets my nomination for Woman of the Year

[Anonymous Coward]

Injudicious use of tasers

I'm not against the use of force against someone who's attacking an officer who's trying to help them, but surely they could have just threatened to belt her one with their nightsticks - or even pepper-sprayed her back - if she didn't stop being an arse?

So what's with plod reaching for the taser as a first course of action?

[Martin Lyne]

This

Has to be an April Fool's. Nobody could be that stupid, fat and ignorant.

Couldn't find any other reports.. April paranoia perhaps?!

[Steve Swann]

Yeah....?

surrrrre she did.

Sources please?

Mines the one that isn't foolish.

[Ben Rose]

LOL!

They let the taser go in water? Braver than me!

[H2Nick]

No hits for Wymbough on google. + Radio station WTF ? = April 1 story ?

Not much on googling radio WTF2 either

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Good they had a taser!

otherwise the complete idiot might have been shot!

Of course, she would be a Darwin award candidate then, but then you can't winn'em all, can you. Especially when you have clearly lost a significant percentage of your marbles.

I seriously have NEVER heard of a woman who "due to premenstrual stress" placed the importance of discount shoes over her children.

At least she blamed a satnav AND was using a mobile phone, so the IT angle is sorted out.

It raises a question too: Is AI needed to compensate for the abundance of natural stupidity?

[Jon Wilson]

You had me until

"Charlene W Pensacola"

...which makes me a bit of a doofus, doesn't it?

Happy G20 riot day!

[Mike Smith]

Florida 1, Todmorden 0

Transatlantic competition's hotting up. Last week a bozo tried to drive off a cliff here while following his satnav, and now the US trumps the UK again with this dozy cow.

The gauntlet has been thrown down, British satnav sheep, so see if you can beat that. You could try following your satnav through an Army firing range or driving off the middle of the Forth Road Bridge. Just a couple of suggestions to get you going. You could try watching Cronenberg's Crash for inspiration.

And we will expect the results to be published in full, el Reg.

On a more serious note, perhaps it's a good thing that she left her children behind. Might have saved their lives.

[Anonymous Coward]

Tasering's to good for them

A single bullet to the head would be much more effective. Why aren't our police allowed to execute women drivers on the spot like they can in Pakghanistan.

[Hollerith]

tired of the PMS defence

Only used by women who don't want to admit they can't control their impulses or their temper. Millions of women function perfectly well every single day, no matter what their body is doing. Brings the reputation of women into disrepute. Life is hard enough.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hook, line 'n sinker, guys.

WTF2? A radio station? C'mon, get real!

[Anonymous Coward]

@Ben Rose, tasers and water

Taser in water? Why's that such a problem? Because water conducts electricity?

But also think about what the taser is.. two metal barbs separated by a fixed distance, a couple of inches.

Fire that into water and when the electricity is discharged, which way is it going to flow in the water? Obviously between the two metal barbs, the path of least resistance!

Not to mention, it's the current that kills someone, not the voltage. Now whilst the human body resistance is lower when wet, one kinda hopes that the manufacturers haven't set too high a voltage to cause sufficient current to be produced to cause electrocution when the victim is wet.

It happens to rain in many countries!

So it should be 'safe' even if the victim is in water at the time the taser is fired, it shouldn't kill. The collapsing to the ground and drowning might on the other hand...:)

[Simon Neill]

usual thoughts..

@So what's with plod reaching for the taser as a first course of action?

Why is pepper spray or nightsticks better than a taser?

As for blaming the satnav....how long before one of these idiots runs over a child and blames the satnav for not telling them to stop? surely the lack of tarmac and presence of water would cause most people to stop the car, satnav or no.

[Qwixel]

I hate April 1st.

It is no longer possible to tell the fake news stories from the real ones. What has this world come to?

[Anonymous Coward]

Blaming the satnav

It's been shown that most people that have an accident actually end up having more accidents in the future. Why? Because those that have an accident usually refuse to accept they were either wholly or partly responsible for causing the accident, (like the woman in the mercedes), and this attitude causes them to continue driving in the same crap way they did before..and so more accidents.

Most accidents aren't accidents, they're caused by useless drivers that think they know how to drive but don't.

[Gianni Straniero]

It just goes to show...

... you can't be too careful.

[Sarah Bee]

Re: tired of the PMS defence

Is that your considered, expert opinion, Hollerith? Millions of women suffer from the frightening psychological effects of PMS. It's not bloody funny.

[Anonymous Coward]

Delete all news from 1st of April.

Well that is what I did this morning from my Thunderbird induced RSS list.

What is worse is when an article seems half plausible, then its just hard to tell.

Do the sites think they are funny? It's not its just stupid.

[Russell]

Good work

There's only one thing which could augment this masterful piece of journalism - a PLAYMOBIL RECONSTRUCTION.

[Hans]

@Sarah Bee

[quote] Millions of women suffer from the frightening psychological effects of PMS. It's not bloody funny.[/quote]

And, with that, millions of men suffer from the frightening psychological effects of PMS.

I can tell you, Its not bloody funny.

[Steve Swann]

@Sarah Bee

That may indeed be the case, but far more millions do not 'go mental' because of it.

Also, you'd have a hard time in court suggesting that 'Sorry yer honour, but I was suffering from a chemical imbalance and that made me go mad' or 'I'm sorry, my genetic makeup predisposes me to moronic acts of violence, so I'm not responsible.' (although BOTH of these are regularly attempted as defences!!)

Back in earlier ages they called it 'the vapours' or 'female hysteria', but we don't accept those as accurate any longer. I suspect in the future we'll say the same about PMT/PMS etc.

The excuse doesn't wash any more.

Men are expected to 'keep themselves under control', so in this age of equality I demand that women do the same.

*ducks before stuff starts getting chucked at him*

Paris, because she clearly has an imbalance.

[Niall Mac Caughey]

Heavy sigh....

Oh Gawd,

Indeed what IS the world coming to when more than half of the posters believe an April Fool's gag without even the most basic checking? Like the Ocala 'Gator??

Oh, wait, I was forgetting, it's not the World, it's the internet.

Forget the above; carry on, I'll get my coat.

[Random Noise]

Have to agree..

..with the comments about the fact this so sadly could be true.

I mean its a great April fools story - it has all the elements Reg readers have come to love in a news report: tasers, fat dumb yanks, sat navs putting people in harms way etc.

It is true though that despite knowing it's a fool that I kept thinking 'This could well be true'. Obviously the mark of a good writer.

Lester, it won't be long before you are bundled into the back of a van & forced to work at the Ministry of Truth.

[Anonymous Coward]

Should be mandatory

Followed your satnav somewhere stupid? That's a taserin'!

[Flocke Kroes]

More lies please

If you are suspicious, start Googling phrases from the story. If the story is only on one site, suspect a joke article.

If it is on more than one site, try looking for anything that is not just copied from a press release by a bunch of lazy journalists. If there is no evidence to back the assertions, suspect stock market manipulation.

If all journalists magically become careful researchers who publish only true stories, the population will turn into a bunch of gullible twits deserving of an obvious 419 scam. The reasons why humans are smart is because the need to be alert for lying humans. You cannot simply assume someone is honest just because they are not an MP.

[Maverick]

@ Sarah Bee

and millions of men as well !

and that's not bloody funny either (I used to live one)

[Anonymous Coward]

Never mind taser....

Harpoon the stupid bitch. Was it speaking in German to her?

I suspect not even 'gators would eat something that stupid in case they were polluted.

[Ben Rose]

@RotaCyclic

"the taser is.. two metal barbs separated by a fixed distance"

Indeed it is and normally the voltage is insufficient to allow the current to jump between those barbs, the electrical resistance of the air gap is too high.

Introduce a human subject, whose body consists largely of water, and that resistance is decreased. The taser voltage is sufficient and current flows from one barb to the other, via the human conductor, shocking the victim.

Now introduce a medium of water between the two barbs. Is lake water more or less conductive than the human? My guess would be more, especially if it happens to be a salt water lake. This lowers the resistance and, based on V=IR the current flowing through the taser device increases proportionately. This could cause all kinds of malfunction and I doubt the manufacturer certify use of the device in water as a result. Merely holding the device in water could shock the user.

Let me put in another way - would you go and hide in a lake if you were caught outdoors in a thunderstorm?

[Matt Bryant]

Lol!

Well, it's a lot cleaner than the other April 1st joke I heard today! I won't repeat the other - Ms Bee is obviously in a combative mood! ;)

Congrats to The Reg team, I had to Google it just to confirm it a fake, and it was still a very amusing read.

[Sarah Bee]

Right, fuck all this.

I'm sorry, but I'm done. Every day I come here and am obliged to wade through this never-ending fast-flowing stream of sub-misogynistic slurry. The torrent of literal-minded moronic crap I can just about bear - all the cringey "mines the one" 'jokes', the hysterical, pompous Orwell-referencing and pointless, interminable screeds and rants, yeah, I can tolerate it, despite the fact that babysitting you bunch of at best boring and at worst hateful swine is not something I signed up for. (I just had to nix some fucking anti-semite wanker suggesting that Hitler was right - oh, just kiss my Jewish arse.)

But I've actually reached the end of my patience when it comes to your unrepentent bigotry. Maybe I should feel sorry for you - clearly you don't have many women in your lives, or you'd know better than to belittle and disparage and yeah, on occasion abuse the entire gender at every opportunity. You know you do it. Look at yourselves. Those of you who have posted and been puzzled as to why your comments don't appear - think about why that might be, and the things you said that I had to read. The ones of you who have miraculously managed to con some unsuspecting girl into going out with you - well, I bet you'd be bloody ashamed if they saw the kind of things you say on here without a moment's thought. Or maybe you wouldn't. Either way, you disgust me.

So that's it. Absolutely and utterly fuck the lot of you. I've packed up my stuff and deleted my Reg email account. I don't have another job to go to, but I'd rather sign on than have to mop up your nasty, noxious crap for a minute longer.

[Pavlovs well trained dog]

@ Sarah

You go girl.. Straight men are pigs. Simple.

BTW - can I nominate you for Rant/Flame of the week?

[Slik Fandango]

It could be soooo true

If it wasn't April 1st.

A lot about this story makes it so believable.

But - no. Sorry - April Fool!

[Simon Dummett]

Re: tired of the PMS defence

"It's not bloody funny."

Freudian?

... mine's the one with t'missus' best kitchen knife in the back...

[Anonymous John]

Re Re: tired of the PMS defence

Agreed, but this one is pushing the envelope of the PMT defence in all directions.

I don't know of anyone who suffers from it unduly, I do know two diabetics and one epileptic though.

If you have a medical condition that puts others at risk, you have a responsibility to avoid the risk. And that includes taking medication. If early primrose oil is medication. Something she's admitted she didn't do.

And I still suspect this is an April Fool story.

[Rob Crawford]

Suckers

Looks lie too many of you where doing the desktop equivalent of following their satnav blindly.

[Stef]

iSue

Sounds like she's got a definite case against everyone, the police, the car manufacturers, the phone company, the phone manufacturers, the GPS manufacturers, the GPS salesmen, the lake...

Now that would be one class action!

(sorry)

[Mike Smith]

Oh dear

Sarah, Sarah.. when you started this job, didn't they say, "don't let it get to you?" You clearly have. You've made yourself look silly in front of the very people you're professing to despise.

Look, no-one asked you to baby-sit us. All you had to do was hit the delete key when moderating comments that were unacceptable. And I assume you would have had a set of guidelines to work by? From several years of reading the Reg, I'm pretty sure you have. All you had to do was follow them. We've never met you and it's unlikely you'll ever meet any of us. Why should you walk away from your job as a result of drivel posted by people you wouldn't recognise if they passed you in the street?

I'm genuinely sorry you feel that you have to walk away, and I hope you'll reconsider, but in all honesty, you shouldn't have got involved quite as much as you have done. Reg comments sections are not serious Usenet newgroups or moderated mailing lists, which are media in which one can have a civilised discussion. You can't realistically do that here.

If you still can, I suggest you go out, get thoroughly pissed, chill out and come back. Not everyone here is an ignorant bigot, and you'll be missed.

Kind regards,

Mike

[Steven Jones]

and the Date is ?

So a posting on 1st April with no other trace on the Internet of this event...

Not to mention Ms. S Bee's tirade...

[Neil]

Hello... Sarah

are you still there? Brilliant blob strop though! Please don't leave us

[Random Noise]

@Sarah

"So that's it. Absolutely and utterly fuck the lot of you. I've packed up my stuff and deleted my Reg email account. I don't have another job to go to, but I'd rather sign on than have to mop up your nasty, noxious crap for a minute longer."

I suspect that the whole 'I'm deleting my account' part was perhaps part April Fools (otherwise how are we reading this?), however I bet you were still glad to have a good go at all of us (to use a phrase I hate) 'commentards'. I think the standard of comment on the reg has slipped in the past year or so- we seem to have lost the dazzling wit of the commentators I seem to remember with my rose tinted memories of the glory days of old.

Anyway sounds like you could use a hug and / or beer.

As far as most reg readers go anyway you sadly have to expect a high degree of misogyny. This is an IT news site, and it's a sad fact that a large percentage of the industry comprises men (with a tendency towards 'single' men). Not trying to justify it, but as you so succinctly put it probably most us have 'never had a woman in our lives'. Add to that the fact it's the internet (where nobody knows your name) and your actions have (seemingly) no consequence.

Anyway on behalf of a reg reader who felt suitably chastised- my humblest apologies. ;)

[Johan Bastiaansen]

tazering questioned ? ? ?

I would have shot the stupid cow.

And no jury in the world would have convicted them.

[Mike Smith]

I hope you're all pleased.

I've just rung the Reg to try to persuade her not to go. From the noise and shouting in the background, it sounds like things are seriously kicking off there. All I could get out of the slightly incoherent conversation was something about, "reviewing the comments policy" and "internal issues." They did say they'd provide an update later, but it sounded like standrd PR speak.

Oh well, if we lose the comments, then those of you responsible know who you are.

Thanks, guys.

[Luther Blissett]

@Sarah B - rant

The March hairs have gone, waxed away like the Moon, and tis not yet time fore the Maybe Line. So. Just for today, you're calling yourself April Fule. Whereas tomorrow brings April's Howers. Am I right or am I not sinister?

[Anonymous Coward]

two words...

'Related stories'

bah too obvious...but hey a good read. except maybe the tire irons bit..

Sarah is it that time of the month? (does that work today? or should it be time of the year??)

Mines the one with the blood.... ( from the deep knife wound of course!)

[Steve]

@ Sarah Bee

Hmmm,

A suspicious article, no references, no hits on google, on 1st April, with the tagline referencing PMS - hasn't the bar already been set?

If the article (and your rant) aren't april fools then you're a pi55 poor moderator, otherwise you're both great!

[Anonymous Coward]

@Sarah

Yeah, good on you Sarah, now you get back home and back into your kitchen and get it cleaned up at once.... I mean, what were you thinking, moderarting an online forumn is a real man's job.

:-)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: This

>Nobody could be that stupid, fat and ignorant.

Don't you believe it. I once knew a yank of the female variety (sorry Ms. Bee but it was so) who was so fat around the neck she couldn't parallel park, as she called it, because she couldn't turn her head more than a few degrees.

Oh, and there's so many dumb things in the article that although I want to believe it I really can't.